That only depressed me more. I adjusted my sunglasses and continued my trek.
Jake was coming down the steps as I approached the main building. He stopped short, and I raised my hand to wave to him. He waited a beat before he waved back.
“What’s with the shades?” he said as I walked toward him.
“Stupid allergies.” I took off my sunglasses and hoped my eyes weren’t as puffy as they were when I woke up. Concealer was good for hiding signs of sleep deprivation but not so good for shrinking the under-eye baggage I picked up crying last night.
“You should take something for that.”
The chill in his tone froze my insides. “Um, yeah. I did this morning.” I nodded toward the front office. “Why are you late?”
“I just am,” he said. “You?”
“Same.”
“And you’re actually getting a tardy slip?”
I shrugged. “Might as well.”
We stood on the steps in an awkward silence. Jake and I had never been this quiet around each other. It was…awful.
“I guess I should go,” I said. “I’ll see you in history?”
He nodded absently and I watched him head toward his homeroom class before I pulled my hoodie tight and went up to the office.
****
Events of the morning were hazy. I’d completely zoned out during English class, couldn’t concentrate during geometry, and by the time I got to European history, I was a total space cadet. I considered myself lucky for knowing Woodrow Wilson was still president when the first World War ended.
In short, it was not shaping up to be my best day.
Jake didn’t look very happy during history, either, and worse, he seemed to be avoiding me. It shouldn’t have mattered, especially since I’d already decided I needed to avoid him, but it only made the cavernous hole in my chest ache even more.
In the middle of history class, I’d made up my mind and figured I should at least ask Jake what was bothering him. After all, it could have been something exciting, like maybe he’d broken up with Clover the night before or whatever. Of course, that scenario would’ve been more exciting for me and much less so for him, but at least one of us would’ve been happier.
Okay, so I didn’t have the most selfless thoughts. My entire internal monologue didn’t matter much, anyway. He’d disappeared right after the bell rang, and I didn’t have a chance to corner him before lunch.
“All right,” Bianca said as we left the classroom and headed toward the cafeteria, “what’s going on with you?”
I feigned ignorance. “What do you mean?”
“You were late today and hauling some serious luggage under your eyes,” she said, holding up one finger. She held up a second and said, “You’ve had completely snarkless convos with Ally this morning, and all last period—” she lifted a third finger, “—there was like this Arctic blast between you and Jake.”
I cringed. She’d noticed it, too.
“I’m fine,” I said. “I just overslept, and I’m still not really awake.”
She raised her eyebrows. “You should try that again, maybe this time remembering I’m not a total idiot.”
I let out a heavy sigh. “Jake played me the song he wrote,” I said. “Yesterday. After school.”
“Oh! Did you convince him to perform tonight?”
The thought of dozens of people listening to him sing his words made my stomach twist, and I shook my head. “No. He said he doesn’t want to do it.”
“Did you tell him Clover—?”
“He knows she wants him to play it. And I mean, who wouldn’t? If a guy wrote a song like that about me….” My words trailed off as I remembered how Jake looked while he played it for me, how he was so into the music with his eyes closed. “Anyway, do you know who Gavin Leeds is?”
“He was on one of those reality talent shows, right?” Bianca said after a brief pause. “Came in second place? Kind of looks like Lenny Kravitz, only way younger?”
I nodded. “He’s one of the guest judges tonight, and I guess he’s going to play Jake’s song.”
“Okay,” she said, drawing out the word. “So why is everyone all of a sudden super mopey?”
“Because….” I stopped walking and closed my eyes as tears seeped from beneath my lashes. “Bianca, he’s madly in love with her, and I’m….” I wiped at my tears and let out a shaky breath.
She inhaled sharply and put her arm around me. “Are you sure?”
I put a hand to the space in my chest where my heart used to be and nodded again. “And it’s so obvious,” I said with a sniff. “I mean, all the time they’ve spent together and him always going to her house. And this song, Bianca! This song.” I glanced at her and said, “It’s amazing and completely Jake and it’s all about how he’s in love with her.” At that, whatever had been holding back the tears broke, and they began cascading down my face.
“Please tell me no one else has died,” Ally said as she approached us.
I laughed and sobbed at the same time, and it came out sounding like a seal’s bark.
“No,” I said, taking the tissue she offered. “It’s nothing that logical.”
“All right,” she said. “One of you has to bring me up to speed. But can we walk and talk? Because I’m starving.”
Bianca repeated what I’d told her while I looked for my sunglasses. I found them just in time to cover up my eyes before we entered the cafeteria.
“Are you sure it’s about Clover?” Ally said as we neared our table. “I mean, did he specifically mention her by name?”
Finn was in his usual spot, but this time without his laptop. Instead he was hunched over a massive tome. And was sitting alone with no sign of Jake.
I sat down and tapped the top of his book. “Hey, Finn. Where’s the other half of the brain trust?”
“Probably the music room,” he said without looking up. “I wouldn’t go looking for him, though. He’s avoiding you.”
“What?” I demanded. “Why?”
“I’m not getting involved.” He turned the page and kept his eyes down. “But if you ask me, the two of you need to sit down and talk to each other. With real words.”
Ally nodded. “On the scale of one to obvious, I’d say ‘yes.’”
Finn fixed her with a puzzled expression. “How is that even on the scale?”
“How am I supposed to talk to him if he doesn’t want to talk to me?” I mused aloud.
“That’s quite a conundrum,” he said, returning to his book. “But I’m not getting involved.”
“You might be able to corner him tonight,” Bianca suggested.
I bobbed my head in reluctant agreement, though not even twenty-four hours ago, I’d been plotting ways to avoid Jake for the rest of my life.
The irony wasn’t lost on me.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
The parking lot in front of the Bookish Bean was pretty full, and I hoped Keith wouldn’t be able to find an opening. Unfortunately for me, he spotted a woman leaving the hair salon a couple of doors down from the coffee shop, and he snagged her spot without effort.
I was doomed. If a massive earthquake had chosen that moment to split open the ground so it would swallow me whole, I wouldn’t have minded.
After I’d come home from school, I’d changed my mind about going to the open mic night. I didn’t want to see Clover, and I really didn’t want to see Jake with Clover, and since Jake didn’t want to see me, everyone would win. But Ally hadn’t understood my position when she called to ask what time I was planning to leave.
“You have to go,” she’d said. “If Jake’s all broody and mad at you now, it’ll be even worse if you don’t go.”
“Finn’s not going,” I’d reminded her.
“Finn’s on his way to Miami for his grandfather’s eightieth birthday,” she’d retorted, “something he couldn’t exactly get out of.”
But when I’d insisted on staying home, she had relented, only to show up with Keith on my doorstep an hour later.
And that was why I was climbing out of Keith’s car and shooting sullen glares at the back of Ally’s head. They had essentially kidnapped me, and my mom had done nothing to stop them. If anything, I think she’d aided and abetted.