“We were already three sheets to the wind,” Annie went on, “and I was the only female. I didn’t know the others well. Things were getting pretty wild. I suppose I should have known what was coming by the way the conversation was going in the taxi. You know. Flirting. Sexual innuendos. Casual touches. That sort of thing. Call me naive. The other three kept making veiled references to initiation ceremonies, and there was a lot of nudging and winking going on, but I’d been drinking, too, and I didn’t really think much of it until we’d been at the flat for a while and drunk some more. One of them grabbed my arm and suggested we go in the bedroom, said he could tell I’d been wanting it all night. I laughed and brushed him off. I thought he was joking. He got angry. Things got out of hand. The other two grabbed me and held me down over the back of the settee while he pulled up my skirt, tore off my underwear and raped me.”
Banks noticed that Annie was gripping the spoon handle tightly in her fist. Her knuckles were white. She took a deep breath and went on. “When he’d finished, they started rearranging positions, and I knew what was coming. It was like there were no individuals in the room anymore; they were all caught up in this blind male lust and I was the object of it. It overwhelmed everything, conscience… decency. It’s hard to describe. I was terrified, but I’d sobered up pretty damn quickly over the last few minutes. Soon as I got my chance, I slipped free from their grip, kicked the one who’d raped me hard as I could in the balls and caught another on the jaw with my elbow. I’d done some martial-arts training. I don’t know, maybe if I hadn’t been drinking, my reflexes would’ve been quicker, my coordination a bit more accurate. Anyway, I managed to put two of them out of action long enough to make it to the door. The third one caught me, and by then the one I’d hit with my elbow was up again. They were sweating, red in the face, and mad as hell. One of them punched me in the stomach and the other hit me hard in the chest. I went down. I think I was sick. I thought that was it again, that they were going to do what they’d intended, but they’d lost their bottle. It had all got too real for them. Suddenly they were individuals again, each looking out for number one, and they knew what they’d done. It was time to close ranks. They called me a lesbian bitch, told me to get out and if I knew what was good for me I wouldn’t say a word. I left.”
“Did you report it? For crying out loud, Annie, you’d been raped.”
She laughed harshly. “Isn’t that so easy for a man to say? To sit in judgment over what a person in that position should or shouldn’t do? To be oh so understanding about it?” She shook her head. “You know what I did? I walked the city most of the night in a complete daze. People must have thought I was crazy. I wasn’t drunk anymore, I was plain cold sober, but I was drained, numb, I couldn’t feel anything. I remember trying to feel some sort of emotion, thinking I ought to feel anger or pain. I was really angry at myself for not feeling angry. I know it sounds impossible, but that’s the only way I can describe it. There was nothing. Just a deep cold numbness. When I finally found myself back at my flat, I had a long hot bath. Hours I must have lain there, just listening to the radio. News. Weather. Normal life. That was soothing somehow. And do you know what? I understand every one of those rape victims who never comes forward to report the crime.”
Banks could see tears glistening at the corners of her eyes, but as she noticed him looking, she seemed to draw them back in.
“What happened?” he asked.
“By morning I’d got a bit of nerve back. First thing, I went to see the chief super to tell him what they did. Know what?”
“What?”
“Two of the others had got there before me and queered the pitch. Preemptive strike. They told the super there’d been a spot of bother at a party last night, just an initiation rite that got a bit out of hand, nothing serious, like, but that I’d probably be coming to complain, making up all sorts of wild allegations. According to them I’d got totally rat-arsed and gone way over the top, telling them I’d take them all on and then backing down when it came to it.”
“And he believed them?”
“Their word against mine. Besides, they were all mates. People around the station already thought I was a bit weird. Some of them even used to call me the ‘Hippie Cop’ behind my back, or so they thought. You know, I did yoga and meditation and I didn’t eat meat and watch sport on the telly and talk about sex all the time. That’s enough to make you seem weird, for a start. I also had a reputation around the place for not being very interested in men, just because I didn’t find any of the blokes I worked with particularly attractive. I’m sure they all thought I was gay. That hits a certain kind of male the wrong way. He thinks all a lesbian needs is a big hard cock in her and she’ll soon come to her senses. And, of course, he’s just the bloke to give it to her. As it happened, I did have a boyfriend at the time, nothing serious, but I kept my private life separate from the Job.”
“Did you tell the chief super what really happened?”
“Yes. Every detail.”
“What was his reaction?”
“He looked very embarrassed.”
“Didn’t he initiate some sort of inquiry?”
“Like I said, their word against mine. And apart from a pair of torn knickers, I’d pretty much destroyed the evidence, hadn’t I?”
“Even so… these days…”
“What about these days?”
“Annie, there are procedures to guard against these things.”
“Procedures? Hah. Tell that to the chief super. He also told me, by the way, that no one wants that sort of internal investigation going on. It hurts everyone, and it especially hurts the force. He said the officers involved would be disciplined for their excessive high spirits, but it would be best for all concerned if it went no further than his office. He told me to put the good of the force as a whole above my own selfish concerns.”
“You agreed to that?”
“What choice had I?”
“He should have been kicked off the force.”
“I’m glad you agree.”
“So all that happened was they got a slap on the wrist and you got shipped off to the middle of nowhere?”
“Not quite. Not immediately.” Annie looked down into her coffee cup. “There were complications.”
“What complications?”
She wrapped a strand of hair around her forefinger and stared down into her cup for a few more seconds before looking up at Banks. “Remember, I told you I kicked one of them in the balls?”
“Yes? What about it?”
“Something went wrong. They had to operate. He lost them. Both of them. The devil of it was that he was the youngest of the three and the most junior in rank. Just a DS himself and only married a year. Planning a family.”
“Jesus. I can imagine you were a popular woman around the station after that.”
“Exactly. For a while I thought of leaving the force altogether. But I’m stubborn. The chief super suggested it might be better for all concerned if I transferred somewhere else. He said he’d look into some possibilities, and they came up with Harkside. Millicent Cummings was immediately sympathetic, of course, and I think our ACC used to work with Chief Constable Riddle.”
“So Riddle knows all about what happened?”
“He knew my chief super’s side of the story, yes.”
“Which means that to him you’re a troublemaker? A ball-busting lesbian bitch?”
Annie mustered a crooked smile. “Well, I’ve been called worse, but thanks for the compliment.”
“No wonder he put us together. Never was much of a judge of character, though, wasn’t Jimmy Riddle. I’m surprised he got as far as he did. I’m sorry about what happened to you, Annie. Sorrier than I can say.”