"But we don't got no getaway car, " Stick said, and he didn't like the thought of sticking his finger in anybody's eye.
"That's where you come in, " Trader said to Reverend Justice. "The guards treat you far more respectfully than the rest of us and have even asked you religious questions and told you to pray for their various problems. I fully believe that if you ask to use the pay phone because one of your parishioners is dying and needs last rites over the phone, the guard will give in. "
"Baptists don't do last rites, " the reverend protested. "And I'm not so sure I want any part of this. I'm already in a world of trouble for trying to solicitate that old Clot woman. "
They fell silent as the guard with the headset loudly passed by, his eyes glazed as he snapped his fingers and hummed to a rap tune.
"When you use the pay phone, " Trader resumed, "you call someone of lesser intelligence who works for you and is submissive and naive, and order that person to pick you up on the street. Just say you'll have a few friends along for the ride, and then we'll get the hell out of town. In the immense unlikelihood that we're apprehended, I'll just claim that you were abducted and had nothing to do with the plan. "
Reverend Justice was a little more at ease when Trader put it to him that way. After all, Reverend Pontius Justice was a local celebrity who had devoted his life to saving souls and stopping crime. Even if he released his pent-up needs of the flesh now and then by picking up ladies of the night, he always paid them and gave thanks.
Andy had yet to receive any thanks from Hammer, and it was getting on his nerves that all she seemed interested in was pacing the carpet in her headquarters office and complaining.
"You should have run this by me first, " she kept saying behind the closed door, even though there were very few people at headquarters on a Saturday morning. "For God's sake, Andy, where was your brain when'you wrote all this nonsense about a so-called Tory Treasure? Look at what you've stirred up! By encouraging the Islanders to seize the alleged loot because it's rightfully theirs, you have succeeded in prompting the governor to issue threats and send out the military. If there wasn't a civil war before, there certainly will be one now. And frankly,
I'm in agreement with the governor. The Islanders do not have a right to the treasure. It belongs in a museum. "
"That's what I'm trying to tell you, "Andy tried to get through to her. "My only intention was to cause everyone to think everybody else is trying to take something away from them. And in order to make Tangier Island really angry at Virginia, it was necessary for me to excite Virginia into being really pissed off at the island. Then, when Macovich arrives tonight in a state police helicopter filled with NASCAR guys who are really Smoke and his road dogs, just what sort of reception do you think they'll be greeted with? Our undercover troopers will hardly be needed. "
"You're making no sense and you're scaring me!" Hammer blurted out. "And I thought the entire point of Trooper Truth was to always tell the truth. It seems to me in these latest essays all you're doing is manipulating everyone, even if it's for a good cause. Or even if you mean it as a good cause. Damn it! I'm so confused. "
"I understand exactly how you feel, " Andy said. "I promise I know what I'm doing. We both know how ruthless and dangerous Smoke is. If that helicopter sets down on the island and he sees the first hint of people who don't exactly look like watermen, even if they're dressed like them, he very well may open fire the minute he steps out on the airstrip. We've got to introduce an element of surprise to make him pause just long enough for us to surround him and take him down without incident. "
"Let's get on with this and mobilize the troops, " Hammer decided. "The governor will just have to return by car to the mansion after the race. You and I are flying the helicopter to Tangier Island to see what we can do to bring closure to this mess. And by the way, what makes you think a Tory Treasure really is in the bay?"
"I don't necessarily think it, " Andy replied. "But that old piece of iron clearly came from a battle, possibly involving pirates. And that Tory turncoat Joseph Wheland certainly must have amassed a fortune during all of his years of plundering plantations and other ships, so what happened to all of his loot?"
Barbie Fogg had never been on a real plantation, but she got a sense of what that might be like when she pulled up to the front gates of the governor's mansion at noon, just in time to see a very odd sight.
Two powerfully built EPU troopers were shoveling woodchips into the back of a long, black limousine. Barbie drove through the opening gates and parked on the circular driveway. She collected her makeover products, which fit nicely in a large toolbox, and grabbed a bag of clothes out of the trunk.
"What are you doing?" she asked the troopers. "I don't mean to pry, but why are you piling all these woodchips on the back floor of this beautiful limo? Are you planning to plant flowers inside? If so, I think that's a wonderful idea. Then the governor can ride around in a garden. "
The troopers sternly replied that the information was classified, and then the mansion's front door opened and a black butler in a stiffly pressed white jacket greeted Barbie with a smile.
"Do come in, " he warmly said. "Miss Reginia is expecting you. Here, let me take your coat, and can I help you with your toolbox?"
"Thank you, " Barbie said, slipping out of her coat and revealing a rather sexy tight leather outfit that did not seem in keeping with her daintiness or soft voice. "I need the toolbox and the bag so I can work on Regina. "
Pony knew that Regina's appearance required a lot of work, but it saddened him to think things had deteriorated to the point that tools were required. He escorted Barbie up the winding staircase to the First Family's private quarters, where Regina was rummaging through her bedroom closet, pulling out painter's paints and sweatshirts and getting increasingly discouraged.
"Oh!" she said with relief when Barbie walked in and set the toolbox and bag on the bed. "I'm so glad you're here! I can't find anything to wear and I looked in the mirror a little earlier and scared myself. Do you really think you can make me pretty in time for the race?"
"Of course I do, " Barbie assured her as she looked out the window at the EPU troopers shoveling more wood-chips into the limousine.
"That's for Trip's trip, " Regina explained.
"Trip-trip?" Barbie was baffled. "What's a trip-trip?"
"No, Trip's trip, not trip-trip, " Regina said. "Trip's Papa's new little minihorse that's specially trained to guide blind people. Papa has to take him everywhere he goes, you see, and since I'm supervising, I did a little research on the subject and found out that minihorses do better in the car if they have woodchips. "
She paused to see if Barbie understood the point. Barbie didn't.
"Sort of like being in a stall, " Regina offered a hint. "You know, like a litter box. "
"Oh, " Barbie said in amazement. "And here I was thinking they were planting a nice little mobile garden. Silly me. But I would think if a little horse does his business inside a limo-woodchips or not-it might prove a little unpleasant for whoever else is riding along. "
"Horse doo-doo doesn't smell as bad as dog doo-doo, " Regina reminded Barbie. "And the minute Trip uses the bathroom, you just scoop woodchips over it and you don't even know it's there. "
"Then what happens when you get up in the governor's box at the race?" Barbie worried as she opened the toolbox and began to arrange bottles of foundation, blemish cover-up, nail polish, hair treatments, and dyes, along with dozens of other cosmetics, on top of an antique walnut high chest.