"It's me, " a muffled female voice replied, and at first, Andy did not place it and thought of the serial killer who had left the evidence on his doorstep.
"Who's me?" he asked.
"Hammer. "
"Wow, " he said in surprise as he opened the door. "I'm sorry I sounded rather unfriendly, but I had no idea it was you. I mean, I didn't at first. So I almost didn't recognize your voice, because I… "
The blood didn't seem to be flowing to his brain as he looked her up and down. Hammer was dressed like an Outlaws motorcycle gangster, all in black studded leather, black Dingo boots, and a Harley jacket. Slung over her shoulder was a Harley tote bag that no doubt contained a small arsenal. She had hardened her handsome face with gaudy layers of make-up, and her hair was teased.
"Don't give me a hard time, " she said right off as she walked inside the house. "The last thing I want to look like is a cheap motorcycle slut, but I had to do something. I'm just worried about our arriving by helicopter looking like this, " she added as she took in his disguise. "And we can't get any undercover troopers out to Tangier because the only pilots I have are you and Macovich, and both of you are busy, and the ferries aren't running because of the goddamn restrictions the governor has imposed because of your Tory Treasure essay. That's why I decided to drop by right away and ask you to consider if maybe we should reconfigure what we're doing. "
She followed him into the dining room, and they sat in his makeshift office. As Hammer noticed the computer, printer, filing cabinets, and piles of research materials, it gave her a strange feeling to realize this was the secret headquarters of Trooper Truth, even though she knew very well who Trooper Truth really was and where he worked and lived. It oddly occurred to her that even she had begun to bond with the fantasy writer and to wish she could meet him.
"This is ridiculous, " she said.
"I know, " Andy agreed. "I look pretty stupid and I'm sorry I smell like beer and haven't shaved, and you're probably right. A state police helicopter may not fit with our disguises. "
"What I meant was, it's eerie sitting in the place where you write your essays. I feel as if I've just walked behind the curtain and discovered the Wizard of Oz or am in the
Bat Cave or something. And I must say, a part of me is very disappointed because I think I must have started believing in Trooper Truth, too. Oh good God, don't tell me I was becoming a fan!" She shook her head and sighed. "I must be losing my mind. In the first place, I'm a fan of no one and think being a fan of anything or anyone is irrational and silly. Why would a rational human being inflate someone to Mount Olympian proportions, think they're a god, and hang up posters of them?
"How does it make sense for someone to adore and even want to go to bed with a perfect stranger?" she went on as Andy stared down at his hands, ill at ease and hurt that she had, perhaps, liked Trooper Truth better than him. "I guess what this means is there are probably thousands, if not millions, of perfect strangers out there who read Trooper Truth and worship him and entertain sexual fantasies about him, " Hammer continued. "I know Windy certainly feels that way, only in her case, she's convinced that Trooper Truth is at least eighty years old and has to use a walker. I guess the gig is up, " Hammer announced by slapping her hand down on the table.
"What gig?" Andy replied with a hint of pain and anger. "There's no gig and never has been. It doesn't matter what nom de plume I use or if I use one at all. I'm still the one who has written the essays. I am Trooper Truth!"
"Trooper Truth doesn't exist, " Hammer said.
"All right, let me ask you this, " Andy said, trying to regain his composure. "If you never thought of me as Trooper Truth, then who was Trooper Truth to you? Did you have some fantasy about him, huh?"
"We need to disengage ourselves from this pointless, inane conversation right this minute, " Hammer said.
"We've got a major operation about to happen and need to focus on that, for God's sake. "
"You're absolutely right, " he said in a steadier tone. "It truly doesn't matter to me that you are or aren't a fan of Trooper Truth or anyone, including me. I'm not a fan of anybody, either. Never have been, " he added as the telephone rang.
"Wooo! We got us a real problem, Brazil, " an excited Macovich said over the line. "The guv don't want to take the helicopter to the race!"
"You're kidding, " Andy said. "Why the hell not? You'll just have to talk him into it. Tell him for security reasons he must fly in… "
"It won't work. Seems like he's all of a sudden got it in his head he's gotta have a big litter box for this little horse he just got. I think that damn ugly pool-shark daughter had something to do with it. I ain't never heard something so stupid in my life, but there's nothing we can do. He's got troopers to fill the back of his limo with woodchips and we can't talk him out of it. So he and the First Family are going by limo and that's final. I got to drive him. I'm real sorry, I don't know what else to tell you. "
"But what about Smoke and the road dogs?" Andy protested. "What are they going to do when the helicopter doesn't show up to take them to the race? And they've got Popeye!"
"All I know is they're supposed to meet me at the MCV helipad, and I ain't gonna be there. "
"Shit!" Andy exclaimed as he slammed down the phone.
He explained what was going on, and it pained him to see the anguish flicker across Hammer's face as she realized that Popeye might not be saved and their entire plan had just crashed and burned. Smoke and the road dogs were still at large unless she could think of a way to lure them into a trap. Now it was unlikely they'd show up at the race.
"If they wait for the helicopter and it doesn't come, they're going to figure out that something's up, " Hammer said, dejected. "They'll figure out that Cat has probably been grabbed by us and we've got half the state police force waiting for them at the racetrack. All because of a goddamn minihorse!"
Andy was silent. Both of them knew that it was Andy who had planted the minihorse in the governor's mind by suggesting it on the Trooper Truth website.
"I don't know what to say, I'm… " Andy started to say.
"It's too late for apologies, " a crestfallen Hammer replied. "And you don't need to apologize anyway, Andy. It's not your fault. I was the one who went along with this Trooper Truth charade, never realizing the repercussions it might have. I just hope Popeye… Well, " she said, her voice breaking. "I just hope she doesn't suffer… " she blurted out in grief as tears welled in her eyes. "Damn it all!"
"Wait a minute, " Andy said as an incredible but simple idea occurred to him. "Donny Brett flies a four-thirty!"
"Who?" Hammer asked as she dug in her Harley bag for a tissue and handcuffs clanked against a pistol.
"You know, number eleven! He's got six wins so far this year, including Martinsville and Bristol, and the reason I know about his bird is Bell has used it in a lot of ads. It's painted with Brett's colors and he always arrives at the races in it, so it's probably sitting at the racetrack helipad even as we speak. Yes!" Andy's thoughts flew so fast he was scarcely making sense. "Family of one of the drivers. That's it! And we'll just show up at MCV in Brett's helicopter and fly that son of a bitch Smoke and his road dogs ourselves!"
"But how the hell are we going to get whatever-his-name-is-Brett to let us use his helicopter at this late hour?" Hammer said. "It's impossible. "
"Simple, " Andy replied. "We walk into the fantasy and turn fiction into fact. "
"Now is not the time to talk like a writer!" Hammer warned as she blew her nose.
"You can be up front with me in the left seat and pretend to be my girlfriend, " Andy relayed his plan as it unfolded inside his head.
"And who will you be?"
"I'll go as Donny Brett's brother, " Andy said. "What we've got to do is let Smoke and his road dogs think Macovich couldn't make it to pick up the so-called Jolly Goodwrench pit crew and got Brett to help out. We'll pick up the assholes, have undercover guys everywhere, and the minute we land, we'll nail them. Now come on. We've got to get to the racetrack. "