“What an enormous house,” said Pig, as he went round many a corner, tripping and bumping into things, until he reached the inner apartments of the house.
“Your brother said that today was a very auspicious day,” the woman said, “which is why I've brought you inside. But as we're doing things in such a rush, I haven't had time to call in a fortune-teller or arrange a proper ceremony with the scattering of fruit. You must just bow eight times, and that will have to do.”
“A good idea, mother,” said Pig. “You sit in the seat of honour and I'll bow to you a few times-that can be the wedding ceremony and thanking the bride's family rolled into one, which will save trouble.”
“Very well then,” said the woman with a laugh. “You are a most capable and practical son-in-law. I'll sit here while you bow to me.”
In the room glittering with silver candles the blockhead bowed to her, then asked which of the girls would be married to him. “That's the problem,” his mother-in-law said. “If I give you the eldest, the second one will be upset; and if I give you the second one, I'm afraid the third one will be; and if I give you the third, the eldest will be-so I haven't decided yet.”
“If there's any danger of them quarrelling,” said Pig, “then give me all of them, to save the family from being troubled with arguments and squabbles.”
“What a suggestion,” his mother-in-law exclaimed. “You're certainly not having all my daughters to yourself.”
“Don't be silly, mother. What's unusual about three or four wives? Even if there were several more of them, I'd take them on with a smile. When I was young I learned the art of 'protracted warfare,' and I can guarantee to keep every one of them happy.”
“No, no,” the woman said. “I have a handkerchief here. Tie it round your head to cover your face, and we can let Heaven decide which one you'll marry. I'll tell the girls to walk in front of you while you stretch your arms out. The one you catch, will be yours.” The blockhead obediently tied the handkerchief round his head, and there is a verse to prove it:
The fool, not knowing his own fate,
Was wounded by the sword of sex as he harmed himself in secret
There have always been proper wedding rites,
But today the groom blindfolded himself.
When he had tied the handkerchief on firmly, the idiot said, “Mother, please ask the girls to come out.”
“Zhenzhen, Aiai, Lianlian,” she called, “come out to see which of you Heaven will marry to my new son-in-law.” He heard the tinkling of jade ornaments and smelt rare perfumes as if fairies were there, so he reached out to grab one. He groped about to his left and his right, but without success. There were so many girls running about, and he had no chance of catching one. When he stretched East he only put his arms round a pillar, and when he stretched West he felt only the wall. As he rushed from one end of the room to the other he felt so dizzy that he lost his balance and kept tripping over. He stumbled into the door when he went forward, and collided with the brick wall when he went back, bumping, crashing and falling over till his snout was swollen and his head blue with bruises. Finally he sat on the floor and said as he gasped for breath, “Mother, your daughters are so slippery I can't catch a single one of them. Whatever shall I do?”
“They're not slippery,” she said, taking off the handkerchief, “they're all too shy to marry you.”
“If they won't marry me,” Pig said, “then you marry me.”
“What a son-in-law!” she said. “He doesn't care whether they're young or old-he even wants his own mother-in-law. Now each of these clever girls of mine has made a brocade shirt sewn with pearls. I'll tell whichever girl it is whose shirt you put on to marry you.”
“Great, great, great,” said Pig. “Bring out all three shirts for me to try on, and if I can get them all on, I'll marry them all.” The woman went back inside, and brought out only one shirt, which she handed to Pig. The idiot took off his own black cloth tunic and pulled on the shirt, but before he could tie the belt at the waist he fell to the ground with a thump and found himself tightly bound with many ropes. He was in great pain, and the women had all disappeared.
When Sanzang, Monkey, and Friar Sand woke up, the East was already lightening, and as they opened their eyes and looked around them they saw none of the lofty buildings that had been there. There were no carved and painted beams or rafters either: they had all been sleeping in a grove of pine and cypress. Sanzang called for Monkey in terror, and Friar Sand said, “Elder brother, we're done for, done for-they were demons.”
“What do you mean?” asked Monkey, who understood what had happened, with a trace of a smile. “Look where we've been sleeping,” said Sanzang. “We're very comfortable here under the pine trees,” said Monkey, “but I wonder where that idiot is being punished.”
“Who's being punished?” asked Sanzang.
“The woman and the girls last night were some Bodhisattvas or other appearing to us in disguise,” replied Monkey with a grin, “and I suppose they went away in the middle of the night. I'm afraid Pig is being punished.” On hearing this, Sanzang put his hands together and worshipped, and then they saw a piece of paper hanging from a cypress tree and fluttering in the breeze. Friar Sand hurried over to fetch it and show it to their master, who saw that there were eight lines of verse on it:
“The Old Woman of Mount Li had no yearning for the world,
But the Bodhisattva Guanyin persuaded her to come.
Samantabhadra and Manjusri were both present
Disguised as pretty girls among the trees.
The holy monk were too virtuous to return to lay life,
But the unreligious Pig was worse than worldly.
From now on he must calm his mind and reform-
If he misbehaves again, the journey will be hard.”
As Sanzang, Monkey, and Friar Sand read out these lines they heard loud shouts from the depths of the wood: “Master, they're tied me up and left me to die. I'll never do it again if you save me.”
“Is that Pig shouting, Friar Sand?” asked Sanzang, and Friar Sand said, “Yes.”
“Although that blockhead is obstinately stupid in mind and nature,” said Sanzang, “he is an honest fellow. Besides, he is very strong and can carry the luggage-and we should also remember that the Bodhisattva saved him and told him to come with us. I don't think he'll have the nerve to do it again.” Friar Sand then rolled up the bedding and arranged the luggage, while Monkey untied the horse and led it along as he guided the Tang Priest into the wood to investigate. Indeed:
In the pursuit of righteousness you must be careful,
And sweep away desires in your return to the truth.
If you don't know whether the blockhead survived or not, listen to the explanation in the next installment.
Chapter 24
On the Mountain of Infinite Longevity a Great Immortal Entertains an Old Friend
In the Wuzhuang Temple Monkey Steals Manfruit
The three of them went into the wood and saw the idiot tied up under a tree, yelling and howling in unbearable pain. Monkey went over to him and said with a laugh, “What a son-in-law! So late, and you still haven't got up to thank your mother-in-law or come to tell the good news to the master. Why are you still playing around here? Where's your mother-in-law? Where's your wife? You make a fine, strapped-up, well-beaten son-in-law!”
The blockhead, burning with humiliation at being thus mocked, gritted his teeth to stop himself howling in his agony. Friar Sand was overcome with pity when he saw him, and putting down the luggage he went over and untied him. The idiot kowtowed to him in gratitude. He was suffering terrible remorse. There is a poem to the tune The Moon in the West River to prove it: