“Don't be so impatient,” said Monkey, “I've got a way to cope.”
Dusk soon started to draw in. The old man brought a lamp, and Monkey asked with a bow, “What is your surname, sir?”
“Li,” the old man replied.
“I suppose this must be Li Village,” Monkey continued.
“No,” said the old man, “this is Tuoluo Village. Over five hundred families live here. Most of them have other surnames. I am the only one called Li.”
“Benefactor Li,” Monkey replied, “with what kind intentions did you give us that ample meal?”
“Just now you said that you could capture evil monsters,” said the old man. “We have a monster here that we'd like you to capture for us, and we will of course reward you generously.”
Monkey then chanted a “na-a-aw” of respect and said, “I accept your commission.”
“Just look at him,” said Pig, “asking for trouble. The moment he hears there's a demon to catch he's nicer to him than he would be to his own grandfather. He even chanted a 'na-a-aw' first.”
“You don't understand, brother,” said Monkey. “My 'na-a-aw' clinched the deal. Now he won't hire anyone else.”
When Sanzang heard this he said, “You monkey, you always want to grab things for yourself. If that evil spirit's powers are too great for you to capture him then we monks will be shown up as liars.”
“Don't be cross with me, Master,” Monkey said with a smile. “Let me ask some more questions.”
“What else?” the old man asked.
“This fine village is on an open plain and a lot of people live here,” said Monkey. “It's not remote and isolated. What evil spirit would dare come to your door?”
“I will be frank with you,” the old man replied. “We had long lived in peace and prosperity here till a sudden, strong wind blew three and a half years ago. Everyone was busy at the time threshing the wheat on the threshing floor or transplanting rice in the paddy fields. We thought it was just a change in the weather. We never imagined that when the wind had blown by an evil spirit would eat the horses and cattle that people had put out to pasture as well as the pigs and the sheep. He swallowed hens and geese whole, and any men or women he found he devoured alive. Since then he's come again each of the last two years to murder us. Venerable sir, if you really do have magic powers to capture the evil spirit and cleanse the place of him, we will most certainly reward you generously and with great respect.”
“But the monster will be hard to catch,” Monkey replied.
“Yes,” said Pig, “very hard. We're pilgrim monks only here for the night. We'll be on our way tomorrow. We can't catch any monsters.”
“So you monks just tricked that meal out of me,” the old man said. “When we first met you talked very big. You said you could move the stars and capture evil monsters. But now I've told you about this you pretend he can't be caught.”
“Old man,” said Monkey, “it would be easy to catch the evil spirit, except that you people here don't work together. That's why it's hard.”
“How can you be so sure that we don't work together?” the old man asked.
“If the monster has been harassing you for three years, goodness only knows how many lives he's taken,” Monkey replied. “I reckon that if every family put up one ounce of silver the five hundred households could raise five hundred ounces, and with that you could find a priest somewhere who'd exorcise the monster. Why did you cheerfully put up with three years of such cruelty from him?”
“You talk of spending money,” the old man said. “You're trying to shame us to death. Every family here has spent four or five ounces of silver. The year before last we went to invite a Buddhist monk South of the mountains here to catch the monster, but he failed.”
“How did the monk try to do it?” Brother Monkey asked. To this the old man replied:
“The monk wore a cassock
And recited the scriptures;
First the Peacock Sutra
And then the Lotus.
He burned incense in a burner,
Held a bell between his hands.
His reading of the scriptures
Alarmed the evil spirit,
Who came straight to the farm
Amid his wind and clouds.
The monk fought with the spirit
And it was a splendid sight:
One of them landed a punch,
The other grabbed at his foe.
The monk had the advantage of
Having a hairless head.
But soon the demon had won,
And gone straight back to his clouds.
When the wound had dried in the sun
We went up close for a look;
The monk's bald head was smashed open
Just like a ripe watermelon.
“In other words,” laughed Monkey, “he lost.”
“He just paid with his life,” the old man replied. “We were the ones who lost. We had to buy his coffin, pay for his funeral, and give compensation to his disciple. That silver wasn't enough for the disciple. He's still trying to sue us. He won't call it a day.”
“Did you hire anyone else to catch the demon?” Monkey asked.
“Last year we invited a Taoist priest to do it,” the old man answered.
“How did he try?” Monkey asked.
“The Taoist,” the old man replied,
“Wore a golden crown on his head,
And magic robes on his body,
He sounded his magic wand,
Used charms and water too.
He made gods and generals do his will,
Captured demons and goblins.
A wild wind howled and roared,
While black fog blotted all out.
Demon and Taoist
Were evenly matched;
They fought till nightfall,
When the fiend went back to the clouds.
Heaven and earth were clear
And all of us people were there.
We went out to search for the priest,
Found him drowned in the mountain stream.
When we fished him out to look
He was like a drenched chicken.”
“In other words,” said Monkey with a smile, “he lost too.”
“He only paid with his life, but we had to spend a lot of money that wasn't really necessary,” the old man replied.
“It doesn't matter,” Monkey said. “It doesn't matter. Wait till I catch the demon for you.”
“If you've got the power to catch him I'll ask some of the village elders to write an undertaking to give you as much silver as you want when you've defeated him. You'll not be a penny short. But if you lose don't try to extort money out of us. We must each accept the will of heaven.”
“Old man,” said Monkey, “they've got you terrified of extortion. We're not like that. Send for the elders.”
The old man was delighted. He sent his slaves to invite seven or eight old men from among his next-door neighbors, his cousins, his wife's family and his friends. They all came to meet the strangers, and when they had greeted the Tang Priest they cheerfully discussed the capture of the demon.
“Which of your distinguished disciples will do it?” they asked.
“I will,” said Monkey, putting his hands together in front of his chest.
“You'll never do, never,” said the old man with horror. “The evil spirit's magic powers are enormous, and it's huge too. Venerable sir, you're so tiny and skinny you'd slip through one of the gaps between its teeth.”
“Old man,” said Monkey with a smile, “You're no judge of people. Small I may be, but I'm solid. There's a lot more to me than meets the eye.” When the elders heard this they had to take him at his word.
“Venerable sir,” they said, “how big a reward will you want for capturing the demon?”
“Why do you have to talk about a reward?” Monkey asked. “As the saying goes, 'Gold dazzles, silver is white and stupid, and copper coins stink.' We're virtuous monks and we definitely won't take money.”