As soon as the whirlwind started blowing all the people in the crowd at the foot of the drum tower covered their heads and shut their eyes, never imagining that when the wind fell the royal proclamation would have disappeared. They were horrorstruck. That morning twelve palace eunuchs and twelve guards officers had come out to post it, and now it had been blown away after less than six hours. In fear and trembling the people searched all around for it until a piece of paper was spotted sticking out of Pig's lapel.
“So you took the proclamation down, did you?” they asked, going up to him.
Looking up with a start the idiot thrust his nose up at them, making the guards officers stagger about and collapse with terror. He turned to flee, only to be grabbed by several bold spirits who blocked his way.
“You've taken down the royal proclamation inviting doctors, so you're coming to the palace to cure His Majesty,” they said. “Where else d'you think you're going?”
“I'm your son if I tore the poster down,” said Pig in panic. “I'd be your grandson if I could cure disease.”
“What's that sticking out of your tunic?” one of the officers asked.
Only then did the idiot look down and see that there really was a piece of paper there. Opening it he ground his teeth and swore, “That macaque is trying to get me killed!” He gave an angry roar and was just about to tear it up when they all stopped him.
“You're a dead man,” they said. “That's a proclamation His Majesty issued today. How dare you tear it up? As you've put it in your tunic you're no doubt a brilliant doctor. Come with us at once!”
“You don't understand,” shouted Pig. “It wasn't me that took it down. It was my fellow disciple Sun Wukong. He sneaked it into my tunic then abandoned me. We'll all have to go and find him to get to the bottom of this.”
“Nonsense,” they said. “We've got a bell here-we're not going off to play one that's still being cast. You can say what you like. Drag him off to see His Majesty.” Not bothering to get to the truth of the matter they pushed and pulled the idiot, who stood his ground as firmly as if he had taken root there. Over ten of them tried to move him without any success. “You've got no respect,” said Pig. “If you go on pulling at me and make me lose my temper I'll go berserk, and don't blame me then.”
It had not taken long for this commotion to stir up the whole neighbourhood, and Pig was now surrounded. Two elderly palace eunuchs in the crowd said, “You look very odd and you sound wrong too. Where are you from, you ruffian?”
“We're pilgrims sent from the East to fetch the scriptures from the Western Heaven,” Pig replied. “My master is the younger brother of the Tang emperor and a Master of the Law. He's just gone to the palace to hand his passport over for inspection. I came here with my brother disciple to buy some groceries, but there were so many people by the tower that I was scared to go any further. He told me to wait here. When he saw the proclamation he made a whirlwind, took it down, sneaked it into my tunic and went away.”
“We did see a monk with a plump white face going in through the palace gates,” one of the eunuchs said. “Perhaps that was your master.”
“Yes, yes,” said Pig.
“Where did your fellow disciple go?” the eunuch asked.
“There are four of us altogether,” said Pig. “When the master went to present his passport the other three of us stayed with our luggage and our horse in the Hostel of Meeting. My brother's played a trick on me and gone back there ahead of me.”
“Let go of him, officers,” the eunuch said. “We'll all go to the hostel together and find out what's really happening.”
“You two ladies are very sensible,” said Pig.
“Monk, you don't know about anything,” said the officers. “How can you address gentlemen as ladies?”
“You're shameless,” laughed Pig. “You've made them change sex. Fancy calling these two old females gentlemen instead of women or ladies!”
“That's enough of your insolence,” they all said. “Find your fellow disciple at once.”
The noisy crowd in the street, which was not to be numbered in mere hundreds, carried him to the hostel gates. “Don't come any further, gentlemen,” Pig said. “My brother won't let you make a fool of him the way I do. He's a ferocious and serious character. When you meet him you'll have to bow deeply to him and call him 'Lord Sun,' then he'll look after you. If you don't he'll turn nasty and this business will fail.”
To this the eunuchs and officers replied, “If your brother really has the power to cure our king he'll be given half the country and we will all bow to him.”
The idlers were still making a commotion outside the hostel gates as Pig led the eunuchs and officers straight inside, where Monkey could be heard laughing with pleasure as he told Friar Sand about how he had taken the proclamation down.
Pig went up to him, grabbed him and yelled, “Why won't you act like a man? You said you'd buy me noodles, buns, and steamed bread to lure me out, but it was only an empty promise. Then you made a whirlwind, took down the royal proclamation, and sneakily put it in my tunic. You made a real idiot of me. What kind of brother are you?”
“Idiot,” laughed Monkey, “you must have got lost and gone the wrong way. I couldn't find you when I rushed back from buying the groceries the other side of the drum tower, so I came back ahead. Where did I tear any royal proclamations down?”
“The officials who were guarding it are here,” said Pig.
Before he had finished speaking the eunuchs and officers came up, bowed low and said, “Lord Sun, His Majesty is very fortunate today as Heaven has sent you down to us. We are sure that you will display your great skill and give him the benefit of your outstanding medical knowledge. If you cure our king you will receive half the country and half the state.” On hearing this Monkey composed his face, took the proclamation from Pig and said, “I suppose you are the officials who were guarding the notice.”
“We slaves are eunuchs in the Bureau of Ritual,” said the eunuchs, kowtowing, “and these gentlemen are officers in the royal guard.”
“I did take the royal proclamation down,” Monkey said, “and I used my younger brother to bring you here. So your lord is ill. As the saying goes, 'Don't sell medicine carelessly, and don't send for any old doctor when you're ill.' Tell your king to come here and ask me himself to help him. I can get rid of his illness at a touch.” This shocked all the eunuchs.
“That is very big talk, so you must be a man of great breadth of spirit,” the officers said. “Half of us will remain here to press the invitation in silence while the other half go back to the palace to report.”
Four of the eunuchs and six of the guards officers went straight into the palace without waiting to be summoned and said at the steps of the throne room, “Congratulations, Your Majesty.”
When the king, who was in the middle of a cultivated conversation with Sanzang after their meal together, heard this he asked, “What on?”
“When we, your slaves, took out Your Majesty's proclamation sending for doctors this morning and posted it at the foot of the drum tower, a holy monk from Great Tang in the East took it down,” they replied. “He is now in the Hostel of Meeting and wants Your Majesty to go in person to ask his help. He can get rid of illness at a touch. That is why we have come to submit this report.”
This news delighted the king. “How many distinguished disciples do you have, Master of the Law?” he asked.
Putting his hands together in front of his chest Sanzang replied, “I have three stupid followers.”