Howard. Do you hear any birds?
Marcia. Oh yes, the birds are all around me. I have birds everywhere. The whole issue of birds is one we'll have to explore.
Howard. It's obviously affecting the auditory center of your brain.
Marcia. Yes. That's interesting. Right now I'm hearing a sound much louder than the sound of my voice but the sound that I'm hearing is a great deal louder. What I'm enjoying is the emotional component. I didn't want to take this trip because I thought that just twenty-five milligrams would leave me knocking at the door and feeling rejected. Going only just so far and once again standing on the threshold, never allowed into the inner sanctum. But now I feel differently.
Howard. You think it's worth while to take a mini-dose?
Marcia. Yes, I think we should do this again…I can see it through your eyes. It's really important to me that you should look at that picture.
Howard. (Solicitously.) OK, but I don't want you to get dizzy. Why don't you lie down?
Marcia. (Remaining in meditation posture.) This is what I've longed to do-to be half here and half there.
Howard. Is that where you're at?
Marcia. Yes, the place of the roots. A place where I can speak coherently.
Howard. It's all being taped.
Marcia. It's being taped, yes. You see I'm in tune with you telepathically because I knew you were going to say that. Right now in this halfway world…,.
Howard. I don't know where I'm at.
Marcia. You're feeling it though? You're under?
Howard. Yeah. I feel an altered state of consciousness. I haven't heard the crickets.
Marcia. The crickets are all around me. I keep thinking…can't you hear those crickets.
Howard. I just saw a bird fly over. That was really nice.
Marcia. I know your mind…I hope we can do this again. It's going to take a long time to sew these seams of consciousness together. To sew…I'm having a lot of trouble with language.
Howard. Yeah. I think maybe you should lie down, Marcia.
Marcia. No, I want to meditate. I never dreamed twenty-five milligrams could take me so far. This twenty-five state is golden. This is a very good place. I'd like to remain in this state for a while. Then you could perhaps sew together the seams between the bright world and the charcoal gray world.
Howard. No, I don't like that term. We must think of another. You must trust my judgment. My judgment is good, Marcia. Like when you said esoteric anesthetic. (Actually the term had been "esthetic anesthetic")
Marcia. Yes, I like that term.
Howard. That's beautiful. Esoteric anesthetic…I'm really high right now. Wow, this is nice. Let's think of another word for gray world. This is a beautiful world we live in.
Marcia. I'm coming down very fast.
Howard. Maybe you should take another twenty-five. You've become very tolerant.
Marcia. That's interesting. This intermediary state I think is going to be the key to our whole operation.
Howard. But what have we really accomplished up to now? Obviously I can't question it. These thoughts and memories and experiences will go on.
Marcia. You must be a little higher than I am. So your wave is after mine. But now look at the Egypt picture. Tell me, what is Egypt to you?
Howard. I don't know. I just feel we were there.
Marcia. It has something to do with the astrological sign Gemini. Now look at that picture. Do you notice the Geminian duality? Two coming together. It's our archetype.
Howard. Two coming together and forming one.
Marcia. Yes. In times to come you and I should meditate on our archetype-Gemini. The two together.
Howard. Together forever. The first time, do you remember that? Together forever.
Marcia. But part of the togetherness is being different…like the other turn of the spiral. That's why I like it so much when we take these trips with one just a little bit ahead of the other. It makes us opposite turns of the spiral because how I'm coming out and you're still in deeper than I am now. It's such a Geminian thing we're doing. Look at the picture. Isn't that a perfect picture for us?
Howard. It's golden.
Marcia. I see our two minds-just like two twists of the same spiral. Can you imagine what power can go through? Its like those two serpents that undulate up and down the rod of Mercury-always two. When you have two serpents the power can come down the central channel.
Howard. You have to have two?
Marcia. Yes. You see, in Hindu Philosophy they call it Ida and Pingala. The central canal is Sushumna. And somehow those stars up there in the universe decreed that we should be born, each of us, in the sign of twoness-Gemini, the heavenly twins, each one always looking at the other. We spiral round about each other and then the power comes through… It's so strange to see myself in another body, with a slightly different kind of plumbing. And its narcissistic too because you look so beautiful. You're the absolute embodiment of beauty. And then I can say, "Ah, he is I, we belong together… And now, my dear, do you feel as though you're starting to come down?
Howard. No, I've reached a plane. I'm kind of moving along. I'm just golden. (Laugh) Are you all the way down?
Marcia. Yes, I'm coming down. But its downness like when you're skiing and you don't have to put any energy into it. Or when you're bicycling and all at once you can rest back and just coast. That's what I'm doing, coasting. I'm on a long golden hillside and I'm just coasting down.
Howard. I'm visualizing skiing down this long golden hill. We should go skiing.
Marcia. I love to ski.
Howard. I know. You like to do everything I want to do.
Marcia. How could I help it? I'm the other twist of your spiral. (At this point there ensued a discussion of some personal problems which had recently arisen.)
Marcia. Sometimes I worry about the ability of the little personal small-letter m.m. self to cope with it. She get's depressed. She's not worth worrying about. Worry Wort. (At this point I saw my initials, M.M. mirrored as in a lake so as to appear like W.W.-for Worry Wort. Worry Wort's problems no longer seemed worth talking about.)
Howard. God, when I close my eyes I see all this gold. It's beautiful.
Marcia. Isn't it nice. I love that gold. Now you know why I call it the bright world. But we're not in the bright world; we're only on the edge of it. We're in the suburbs of the bright world.
Howard. Suburbs of the bright world. Wow!
Marcia. I'm very happy to know that I can take a mini-trip and remain seated in the lotus posture. (At this point we each took a booster shot of twelve and a half miligrams.)
Marcia. I'm very excited to think about the potential of big K. for marriage counseling, because you certainly can bare your heart to another person in a special way. It's sad how many husbands and wives can't communicate even when both sides want to, even when they're reaching out, when they're longing to communicate. See, here we have it. Howard and I sitting here looking at that Gemini picture. One on the left and one on the right. They're reaching out for one another-but then there's that barrier between. Now even with mini-doses we could bridge that gap-Howard. There's only one thing that disturbs me about that picture. You never had the experience I had, but that scarab looks like a cockroach. When I was going to medical school we lived in city housing and it was infested with rats and roaches. I hate roaches. I hate them. The thing that really disturbs me is that roach.