Mr Clark: Sorry. (He lied again.) I’ve got to fly to L. A. this afternoon. Just tell him Ray called. And thanks anyway, Mrs Henderson.
10. Family Troubles (to be taken with “Exchange of Opinions”)Gretchen[150]: Rudy?
Rudolph: Yes.
Gretchen: I called Jean at your house and she told me where you are. I hope I’m not disturbing you.
Rudolph: No, no. I’m just dawdling idly[151] in that well-known holiday spot, Dallas les Bains. Where are you anyway?
Gretchen: Los Angeles. I wouldn’t have called you, but I’m out of my mind.
Rudolph: What is it?
Gretchen: It’s Billy. Did you know he dropped out of school a month ago?
Rudolph: No. He hardly ever whispered his secrets to me, you know.
Gretchen: He’s being drafted, now that he’s not a student any more.
Rudolph: Well, it might do him some good. A couple of years in the Army might make a man of him.
Gretchen: You have a baby daughter. You can talk like that. I have one son, I don’t think a bullet through his head is going to make a man of my son.
Rudolph: Now, Gretchen, don’t make it so automatic. Induct[152] the boy and two months later send the corpse home to mother. There are an awful lot of boys who serve their time and come home without a scratch.
Gretchen: That’s why I’m calling you. I want you to make sure that he comes home without a scratch.
Rudolph: What can I do?
Gretchen: You know a lot of people in Washington.
Rudolph: Nobody can keep a kid out of the draft if he’s goofed school[153] and he’s in good health, Gretchen.
Gretchen: I’m not so sure about that, either, from some of the things I’ve heard and read. But I’m not asking you to try to keep Billy out of the Army.
Rudolph: Then what are you trying to get me to do?
Gretchen: Use your connections to make sure that once Billy is in he doesn’t ever get sent to Viet Nam.
Rudolph: Gretchen, I wish you could figure out some other way…
Gretchen: The only other person I know who might be able to do something is Colin Burke’s brother. He’s a general in the Air Force. He’s in Viet Nam right now. I bet he’d just fall all over himself with eagerness[154] to keep Billy from hearing a shot fired.
Rudolph: Not so loud, Gretchen. I hear you perfectly well.
Gretchen: I’m going to tell you something: If you don’t help me, I’m coming to New York and I’m taking Billy with me to Canada or Sweden. And I’m going to make one hell of a loud noise about why I’m doing it.
Rudolph: Christ, Gretchen. What’s wrong with you? (He heard the phone slam at the other end. Some minutes later he went over to the phone and asked for the Gretchen’s number in California. When she answered, he said:) All right, Gretchen. I’ll stop over in Washington on the way north and see what I can do. I think you can stop worrying.
Gretchen: Thank you, Rudy. I knew you’d come through.
11. Request for a Discreet Assistance (to be taken with “Miscellanea”)Mallinson: Mallinson.
Caron: Mr Anthony Mallinson?
Mallinson: Speaking.
Caron: My name is Inspector Lucien Caron, of the French Sûrété Nationale[155]. I am ringing on behalf of Commissaire Claude Lebel. (The voice, speaking good but strongly accented English, was coming over clearly. Obviously line trafic at that hour was light.)
Mallinson: Yes.
Caron: I believe you know Commissaire Lebel, perhaps, Mr Mallinson.
Mallinson: Yes, I know Commissaire Lebel. What’s it about?
Caron: There is a matter of very considerable emergency, which also requires a great degree of discretion, that has cropped up. I am assisting Commissaire Lebel on the case. It is a most unusual case. The Commissaire would like to place a person-to-person call to you this morning at nine o’clock. Could you please be present to take the call?
Mallinson: Is that a routine inquiry between co-operating police forces?
Caron: No, Mr Mallinson, it is not. It is a question of personal request by the Commissaire to you for a little discreet assistance. It may be there is nothing that affects Scotland Yard in the matter that has come up. Most probably, so. If that is the case, it would be better if there were no formal request placed.
(Mallinson thought it over. He was by nature a cautious man and had no wish to be involved in clandestine inquiries from a foreign police force. If a crime had been committed, or a criminal had fled to Britain, that was another matter. In that case why the secrecy? Then he remembered a case years ago where he had been sent out to find and bring back the daughter of a Cabinet Minister who had gone astray with a handsome young devil. The girl had been a minor so charges of removal the child from parental authority could have been brought. A bit marginal[156]. But the Minister wanted the whole thing done without a murmur reaching the Press. The Italian Police had been very helpful when the couple was found at Verona playing Romeo and Juliet. All right, so Lebel wanted a bit of help.)
Mallinson: All right, I’ll take the call. Nine o’clock.
Caron: Thank you so much, Mr Mallinson.
Mallinson: Good night.
12. Who Is To Be Charged? (to be taken with “Miscellanea”)Inspector Sims: Is that Mr Poirot? Inspector Sims here. Things are beginning to sit up and look pretty[157] in that little matter you and I know of.
Detective Poirot: Tell me, I pray of you.
Sims: Well, here’s item No. 1 — and a pretty big item. Miss B. left a small legacy to her niece and everything else to Katrina. In consideration of her great kindness and attention — that’s the way it was put. That alters the complexion of things. Item No. 2 — nobody but Katrina handled that cachet[158].
Poirot: You can be sure of that?
Sims: The girl herself doesn’t deny it. What do you think of that?
Poirot: Extremely interesting.
Sims: We only want one thing more — evidence of how the poison came into her possession. That oughtn’t to be difficult.
Poirot: But so far you haven’t been successful?
Sims: I’ve barely started. The inquest was only this morning.
Poirot: What happened at it?
Sims: Adjourned for a week.
Poirot: And the young lady — Katrina?
Sims: I’m detaining her on suspicion. Don’t want to run any risks. She might have some funny[159] friends in the country who’d try to get her out of it.
Poirot: No, I don’t think she has any friends.
Sims: Really? What makes you say that, Mr Poirot?
Poirot: It’s just an idea of mine. There were no other “items” as you call them?
Sims: Nothing that’s strictly relevant. Miss B. seems to have been monkeying a bit with her shares lately — must have dropped quite a tidy sum. It’s rather a funny business, one way and another, but I don’t see how it affects the main issue — not at present that is.
Poirot: No, perhaps you are right. Well, my best thanks to you. It was most amiable of you to ring me up.
Sims: Not at all. I’m a man of my word. I could see you were interested. Who knows you may be able to give me a helping hand before the end.
Poirot: That would give me a great pleasure. It might help you, for instance, if I could lay my hand on a friend of the girl Katrina.
Sims: I thought you said she hadn’t any friends?
Poirot: I was wrong. She has one. (Before the Inspector could ask a further question, Poirot had rung off.)
13. Amateur Doctors Have a Cold Day (to be taken with “Miscellanea” and converted into dialogues)Washington. — Because medical costs are rising so fast, more and more people are diagnosing their own illnesses or, worse still, those of their friends. The government would do well to make a study of how these nonprofessional diagnoses are affecting the nation’s health picture.
The other day I had a cold. It was just like the ones you see on television. I was sneezing, coughing and looking mournfully at my wife. I called my secretary at the office and said I wouldn’t be in because I felt lousy.