“You sending us to our deaths, Lizzy?” Rivers asked.
“I hope not,” she said, her voice wavering. “I hope with your expertise, a few surprises, that you guys will be successful. I hope you kill them all and rid us of this mess,” she admitted.
Elizabeth then thought back to York.
CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY
time:1230 hours zulu
64
“Sergeant York, why did you join the army?”
“To serve my country, ma’am. Ya know, to be all that I can be. Protect and defend liberty and all that shit.”
“I don’t believe you,” Elizabeth stated bluntly.
York grinned. “You want the real answer. I joined when I was twenty. Needed a year or two to—”
“Sow some wild oats?”
“Exactly. Needed pussy and beer. When I joined, I gave up on the beer,” he said, smiling.
“And Delta? Why’d you join?”
“Can’t say you join Delta. They pick you.”
“Yes, but you had to apply. To prove your interest. Why?”
“Probably the same reason I joined the Army in the first place. The truth… I wanted to blow shit up. In the beginning, at least. Once you get a taste of war, that changes. It makes you one of three things.”
“And those are?”
“A patriot who believes in the cause, a psychopath who enjoys legally killing, or a war junkie.”
“Which are you?”
“I have no cause except for my men, and I don’t enjoy killing. Give most of my money to charity actually. Good bit of it, at least. Bet ya didn’t know that about me.”
“No, I did not. That’s a good thing.”
“Not bragging, just saying I’ve met my fair share of psychos, and I’m not one of ’em.”
“So, it’s the third. You’re a war junkie?”
“I suppose in a way. It’s not the killing, it’s something else. Hard to explain,” York said.
“Try.”
“Well, as I’ve said before, the brotherhood. I fight because my boys are here. I wasn’t planning on a third tour, but when my brothers decided to re-up, I did too.”
“Did you want out?”
“Thought I did… maybe… dunno. Didn’t matter. If my boys were here, I was here. But there’s other things, too. Ya see, war is a strange thing. Horrific, something you never want to experience. But there’s a certain thrill to it. For me, at least. Maybe I’m a different breed, but I like it. I feel alive here. You want freedom, real freedom? Come to Afghanistan. I can do what I want here. I can feel like a man, I can live on the edge, I can experience true fear.”
“And you enjoy this?” Elizabeth asked.
“The fear? Yeah, sure do.”
“Do you get scared?”
“All the time. Shit, at any moment some raghead can luck out with a shot that’ll blow your fucking brains out. Seen it happen. IEDs, they’re worse. Seen many boys get killed that way. Sucks. So yeah, to answer your question, I’m scared shitless out here. Anyone who tells you different is a fucking liar.”
“Yet you opt to stay? To go out, day after day.”
“Someone has to.”
“Do you feel you need to prove something?” Elizabeth asked.
“Thought you weren’t a shrink?”
“I’m curious, that’s all.”
“I figure a real man can’t figure out his fears until he faces ’em. You see, in the primitive sense, men are made for only two things.”
“Shall I guess?”
“We’re born for fighting and fucking,” York stated.
“Ha!” she threw her hand back in laughter. “What a barbaric way of thinking. There are also many civilized men in this world, Sergeant York.”
“Maybe. But you say barbaric — and maybe that’s true. But the core of a man, the primal instincts, they are barbaric. We might control our rage for the sake of civilization, but something resonates deep down inside a man who knows combat. Especially one who enjoys it.”
“You look down on regular guys, don’t you?” she asked.
“It’s hard not to. Have a cousin, he works at a computer all day. Bitches and moans and I don’t get it. He hasn’t the first clue what life’s about. What manhood is. His wife screams and yells, his kids are a mess, and he bitches about life? Don’t know, guess I’m a different breed. I’m Delta, so that makes me rare I guess.”
“I understand,” Elizabeth said.
“Do you?” he eyed her, calling her bluff.
“Actually, I do know more than you think. I have a… a friend who is a SEAL. I know the mentality. The Alpha-male traits. He shares many with you, I suppose. A bit different in a way, but still…”
“Different how? Not fucked up in the head like me?” York asked.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You want to know what war’s like?” York asked, lighting up another cigarette, his pack already half empty. “You really want to know?”
“Tell me.”
“For guys like me, and maybe for your SEAL friend, war is what we live for.”
“See, I don’t understand that. I try to wrap my mind around it, but can’t seem to,” Elizabeth admitted, though she didn’t know why.
“The adrenaline, the exhaustion, the fear… it’s all so beautiful. So pure. The uncertainty of not knowing if you’ll live or die, it’s why I do it. You see, guys like me accept our fates. If we die, we die. I don’t ponder the complexities of the universe, I don’t read philosophy or poetry either. I don’t even care much where I’m fighting, and most often I don’t even care why.”
“Then why do you fight if you don’t care?”
“Oh, I do care… but not for the cause, for the fight. Provided I’m up against a worthy opponent, I’m satisfied. That’s why I left Iraq, ya know? Heard the Taliban were a bit tougher, figured it would be a bigger challenge. Besides, we’d already mopped up Iraq. Was getting boring,” York explained.
“Does killing bother you, Sergeant York?”
“Oh, there’s the nightmares, but after what I saw in that cave, I doubt it’ll matter much. One thing is, I’ve never shot a child or a woman. Not once. I’ve never killed an innocent. Never killed someone who wasn’t trying to kill me first.”
“Do you like it here, in Afghanistan?” Elizabeth asked.
“Sure do. The Taliban are tough, make for a good challenge. The terrain will kill you too. It’s rough out here.”
“Do you worry about dying out here, Sergeant York?”
“Ha! Never. Always felt maybe in this place, maybe here in Khost, I’d meet my match. Maybe there was someone out there just as good as me. Found out there is, but not exactly what I thought it’d be like.”
“You lived. Whether you like it or not, you lived,” she reminded.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Do you respect the Taliban?”
“Sure, guess so. One thing I learned long ago was to respect your enemy. You can hate him, you can kill him, but have some fucking respect. Those were the words of my first Sergeant way back in my early days. Stuck with me, I guess.”
“What about those in the cave?”
He froze up, grimaced, his face paled.
“There are no words for how I feel about them,” York replied.