“All you can do is try,” I said, giving him a warm smile, remembering how he’d told me something similar years ago.
He smiled back, sending my hopeful little heart into overdrive. We sat side by side in our nook, the restaurant noises surrounding us. “Maybe in a week or so, do you think you’d like to see your mum?” I asked tentatively.
He cleared his throat, coughing a little. “Yes,” he nodded. “I just need some more time to…get better.”
“I can understand that,” I said, glancing up at him. I’m not sure why, but there was something in his eyes then that held mine captive.
He leaned the tiniest fraction closer, and whispered so that no one else could hear, “I dreamt of you last night.”
Twenty
“You did?” I replied, my voice more air than sound.
“I think it was something about having you close, your smell, your warmth. We were sleeping just the same, but we were skin to skin.” His hand drifted across the table to mine, his fingers covering my fingers. I shivered, my throat growing tight with need. He stared at me so intently that I became self-conscious. It wasn’t often that someone looked at you like they were seeing every piece that was on the surface, as well as every piece that lay beneath.
Almost instinctively, my head drifted towards his, mere centimetres between our mouths.
“Don’t stop,” I breathed.
“You were beneath me, all soft and languid. I ran my hands from here,” he said, and touched a finger lightly to my temple before moving it down the side of my face, along my neck and chest until he reached the rise of my bosom. “To here.”
I let out a huff of a breath. “Is that all?”
King’s eyes sparkled as he slowly shook his head. His look, so carnal in its intensity, like he was vividly remembering the dream, got me wet. I let my head fall back against the seating, sighing heavily. “Life is so unfair.”
The very corner of his mouth quirked upwards. “How so?”
I narrowed my eyes at him, irritable and well, horny. “Don’t give me your demure little ‘how so’ — you know what exactly what I mean.”
“Alexis….” he began, his tone apologetic, but he was cut short when the waitress arrived with our meals. I didn’t know what to do – continue with the conversation or pretend it hadn’t happened? In the end I dug into my food, happy for the distraction. At least this way one of my hungers was being satisfied. King picked up his utensils and began to eat, too. There was something soothing about the quiet that ensued. It was a salve to the ache inside me that yearned for him.
When we were both finished eating, I sat back a moment, hesitating. Finally deciding to hell with it, I laid my head on his shoulder. I heard him suck in a breath at my move, but I couldn’t help it. I needed the contact. Tentatively, he lifted his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. The waitress came and asked if we’d like some dessert. I ordered a cheesecake for us to share, mainly because I wanted to prolong our time together, but also because, well, I wanted cheesecake.
Once she delivered it, complete with two spoons, King and I ate from either end of the slice. We kept taking glances at one another. It became so ridiculous that we both burst out laughing in the end.
King set his fork down and reached forward to cup my cheek. My laughter died away, my smile fading, as his eyes drank me in. “You’re so beautiful.”
“I’m old and fat,” I huffed self-deprecatingly. And look, I know I should have just accepted the compliment, but I was terrible with praise. Couldn’t handle it when people said nice things. When I was younger I might have given him a sassy, Aren’t I, though? But not now. Life had had its way with me. I wasn’t so bright-eyed and sarcasm-tailed anymore.
King frowned. “You are not old or fat. In fact, you’re somehow more beautiful now than you were before.”
“Maybe I just wasn’t very beautiful before,” I joked.
“That’s not true. You were stunning. I really shouldn’t have employed you. Even when I agreed with Eleanor that you’d be her replacement, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I was fucked.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Oh, come on.”
“I’m being serious,” he said, his voice lowering, his hand still at my cheek. “Sometimes we see someone and they just suit us. They’re beautiful to us in every way. You’re that person to me.”
Well. How was I supposed to reply to that? He’d always had a way with words, always knew exactly the right thing to say to melt my bones. It seemed in all these years he hadn’t lost that ability.
“You’re that person to me, too,” I finally managed to whisper in response.
King’s chest rose and fell sharply, a turmoil in his eyes. I knew exactly how he was feeling, because I was feeling it just the same. We wanted each other, but it was too soon. He wasn’t well, and I had to give him time to heal, to gain a level of stability. So I simply cuddled closer into him, and enjoyed what he could give me in that moment.
And it was enough.
***
The following day I had my assistant, Dara, cover for me for the afternoon so I could leave work early to go and see King. Our time together the previous evening had gone so well, and I was eager to spend more time with him. When I bumped into Matilda, she told me she’d seen him walking towards the gazebo, so I went in that direction. The place was crowded with people having lunch, a lot of hustle and bustle, and I couldn’t spot King at first.
Almost every seat in the place was taken, and as I scanned the heads, looking for his recognisable long blond hair, I spotted him sitting alone in the far corner. I got the feeling that most of the circus workers tended to avoid him. Making my way past the people, I saw that there was a meal in front of him. A dark-skinned man walked past, saw King, and pulled a small bottle of vodka from his coat. When he spoke, his accent sounded foreign.
“King, my friend, got a little something for you.” He placed the bottle down on the table, patted him on the shoulder, and walked off. King’s eyes went to the bottle, and I stood there, staring in disbelief at the man as he walked away. Did he not know that King was trying to give up drinking, or was he intentionally trying to sabotage him?
My skin began to prickle as worry coiled tight in my belly. King’s hand moved toward the bottle then stilled, his palm resting flat on the table. His jaw firmed, and his hand formed a fist. I forced my feet to move until I was standing before him.
“What are you thinking right now?” I asked, keeping my voice level as his eyes rose to meet mine.
He was momentarily surprised to see me there, but then he winced when he realised I’d witnessed him about to pick up the vodka. He looked ashamed. “I’m thinking that I really want to grab that bottle and down the whole fucking thing.”
“Why would that man give you alcohol?”
“His name is Pedro. We used to drink together a lot. I’m not sure he knows I’ve given up.”
“Right now you don’t look like a man who believes he’s truly given up. You look like a man who’s tempted.”
King let out a long breath, his mouth firming into a hard line. “Of course I’m tempted. This isn’t easy, Alexis.”
My gaze softened, along with my tone. “I know it’s not easy. I’m on your side, never forget that. But think about it this way — if you drink that bottle, you’re back to square one. If you don’t, you’re taking another step towards getting better. You want to get better, don’t you?”
His expression was fierce. “Of course. I don’t want to go back to how things were, but fuck, Alexis, I….” He took another mournful look at the bottle, clenched his fist again, and then abruptly shoved it off the table until it smashed onto the floor. The shatter caused a few people to look up from their lunches, but nobody said anything. King ran a hand through his hair and stared up at me, his eyes pleading, “Distract me.”