I might have come from the kiss alone, it was that intense. We kissed like our lives depended on it, like we were dying of thirst in the desert, and I would have been embarrassed by my obvious need if he hadn’t matched it with his own. Long minutes passed, but his fingers never wandered from my neck and mine never left the front of his shirt, the material bunched in my fists. The fact that we were barely touching made it so much more feverish. It was only when I moaned a second time, much louder than before, and King gave a deep, masculine growl, that I knew I had to break the kiss. If we didn’t end this, he was going to be inside me soon, and I knew I wouldn’t have the willpower to stop him.
My chest was heaving as I broke away, seeing stars, all of them gold like his hair. We locked gazes, and it was at that very moment that I blurted out, “There’s someone I need you to meet.”
Twenty-One
King didn’t want to stay in his apartment that night, and no matter how much I tried to convince him to give it a try, he was determined to return to the circus. He wanted what was familiar, and his old apartment was foreign to him now.
We shared a cab, and I made him promise to meet me the following day at two, because I wanted to go see the show and introduce him to a friend. What he didn’t know was that the friend wasn’t a friend, but our son. I’d decided that there wasn’t ever going to be a perfect time to tell him, and that showing him would explain things far better than any words.
Elaine had come over for breakfast, and we were currently sitting at the table, drinking coffee and eating pancakes. You always knew I was overcompensating when I made pancakes. Oliver was in the living room, eating a bowl of Cheerios and watching television. He didn’t want the pancakes for some reason and was determined to have cereal. Oh, the whims of a five-year-old.
“I have to tell you something,” I said nervously, and Elaine glanced up from the magazine she’d been browsing. Her naturally pale eyebrows arched in concern as she sensed my apprehension.
“Yes, darling?” she said, giving me a warm, open smile. Did I mention how much I loved that she called me darling? She had this well-bred, upper-class fanciness about her. Sometimes I felt like maybe I could gain some of it by osmosis.
Okay, in for a penny, in for a pound. I didn’t want to beat around the bush, and Elaine wasn’t so vulnerable these days that she couldn’t handle a bit of a shocker.
“I found Oliver.”
She blinked at me in disbelief, her eyes darting to the doorway that led to the living room. “You mean, my Oliver?”
I nodded.
She got up from the table and began fanning herself with her hands as she paced back and forth. I watched tensely, worried that she might have a meltdown. Thankfully, that didn’t happen. Her voice was breathy with emotion and excitement when she finally spoke. “How did you find him? I mean, where is he?”
I told her to sit down and that I’d explain everything. And I did. All about Lille’s letter and how King had a half-sister who owned a circus, how he’d been living with her for years. How sick he’d become and how he was slowly trying to get better. She was wide-eyed and speechless by the time I’d finished recounting it all.
“Do you think he’ll want to see me?” she asked timidly.
“I know he does. He just wants to get better first, make himself presentable.”
She nodded, her eyes watery as she stared over my shoulder, and I knew her mind was elsewhere.
“I’m bringing Oliver to the circus today to introduce them. I can’t hide the fact that we have a son any longer.”
Elaine’s face grew concerned. “Is he ready for that?”
“Yes,” I said, “I think he is.”
***
“Where are we going, Mummy?” Oliver asked from the back seat of the car. I’d dressed him in his Sunday best, a little navy blue shirt and grey corduroy pants. His hair was neatly brushed to the side, and as I glanced at him through my overhead mirror, I felt my chest constrict. He looked so fucking adorable. There was just something about little people dressed like big people that got me every time. But more than that, he looked so much like his dad.
“We’re going to the circus,” I answered before concentrating back on the road.
“The circus!” he screeched with sheer excitement. This was the reason I’d held back on telling him. I knew he’d get all hyper and would be impossible to control. He bounced up and down in his seat, a gigantic smile on his face. “Mummy, you sneak! You kept this under wraps.” I burst out laughing at his turn of phrase.
“That I did.” I grinned at him.
“Will there be elephants?”
“Yup.”
“Oh, my God!” he exclaimed, putting his hands to his cheeks like he simply couldn’t contain himself. He bounced with more vigour now, his giddiness amping itself up to eleven. Jesus, I loved him. I parked along the street leading up to the circus and felt my heart begin to thrum. My entire body was full to the brim with nervous tension, and I felt a bit like I was walking on air. Or about to vomit.
Glancing at the clock on the dash, I saw it was five to two. We’d be meeting King in five minutes. In five minutes’ time, King was going to meet his son.
I took Oliver’s hand and led him down the street. All the while, my skin was breaking out into a cold sweat. When we arrived at the circus, I went and bought two tickets, but as soon as I let go of Oliver’s hand, he ran off ahead of me to the side of the tent, where there was a large cage containing two male lions.
“Liiiiiooooons!” he yelled giddily, waving his hands in the air. I hurried to catch up with him, swung my arm around his body, and lifted him into the air.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” I warned him. “You stick with me. You don’t go running off like that again, do you hear?”
He pouted. “Yes, Mummy.”
I let him down and then heard someone clear their throat from behind me. Jay and Jack stood a couple of feet away, both staring at Oliver with wide eyes. Oliver saw the two men and became uncharacteristically shy, grabbing my hand and hiding behind my leg.
“Is this…?” Jay began, and I nodded.
“Uh-huh.”
“Does King know?” Jack asked.
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Well, shit.”
Jay whacked him on the shoulder. “Hey! Language around the kid, bro.”
Jack slid his hands in his pockets and shot me a sheepish look. “Sorry.”
I blinked at him, hardly hearing what they were saying because I was still drowning in nerves. Oliver was staring up at them both like they were another species. Other than my dad, he wasn’t around men very often, and especially not men who looked like this.
“Alexis,” I heard a voice call from nearby, and had to close my eyes. What was I doing? This was way too soon. I silently wished I could teleport us right out of there, but I couldn’t. I had no other choice but to face the music. Footsteps sounded as King approached, and I forced myself to open my eyes. He wore a T-shirt, jeans, and boots. It was startling to see him in short sleeves when usually he wore several layers even in the blistering heat.
“Hi,” I said, hardly recognising my own voice. I glanced at Jay in panic, and he nodded his head in encouragement, as if to say, You can do this.
I could do this. I could.
King was still focused on me, a frown taking shape as he observed my nervous posture. Several beats of silence passed while my heart thumped loudly in my ears. It felt like the moment lasted an eternity, and then boom. King suddenly glanced down and saw Oliver. His glacial blue eyes returned to mine, a question in them.
“Your friend?” he asked, his voice a mixture of curiosity and apprehension.
I swallowed thickly and summoned my courage before blurting out, “This is my son.”