I noticed the hog family leaving the cave, so I gathered my things and followed them again. When I reached the surface, the mother hog looked back at me, and I could swear she gave me a nod, as if to say, “You’re welcome.” I nodded back, grateful. As she and her piglets ran off, a huge shadow fell over me.
Looking up, I saw the mama condor circling above. Why was she following me? Did she blame me for the loss of her babies? Didn’t she realize I fought as hard as she did to save them? I hoped she wouldn’t swoop down on me again as I started walking south.
I was dead tired. I had barely slept since the night before I boarded the Hesper, back home in my own bed. That seemed so long ago. Sure, I’d grabbed a few minutes of sleep here and there, and I’d blacked out a few times, but none of that had been exactly restful. Maybe I should have tried to get a full night of sleep in the cave, but mapping out my path seemed more important, especially since I was out of breathing fluid.
//////// ENTRY 12
I made pretty good time earlier, but I was still basically just dragging myself along. I almost got trampled by a bunch of animals that looked like horses or gazelles or something, until the mama condor grabbed my back with her talons and pulled me out just in time. I figure that’s when I lost my cutlass. That condor was perched in the trees above me now, staring at me. She looked depressed, hanging her head, her wings drooping. I tried to keep my cool as I walked by, but I felt her watching me. And so I started to run, but pretty quickly ran out of juice. Really, I could barely walk. I was so tired. I didn’t know how much longer I could go on. I mean, I wouldn’t stop, not till I reached the tail or ran out of air. But I had almost nothing left.
Coming to a stop between two colossal trees, I registered movement in their branches. There she was again. Still watching.
Eventually, I reached the bank of a river. I dropped my gear in exhaustion.
I sat for just a minute, battling the exhaustion that urged me to give up. It would have been so easy to just lie down there and go to sleep.
Noticing a log floating by in the river, I struggled to my feet and started cutting vines from the nearest trees, then gathered pieces of some fallen trees at the river’s edge. Although my dad’s cutlass was gone, I still had a knife stashed in my backpack, which worked for lashing together a basic raft. When it was finished, I pushed the raft into the river and jumped on board. The river was full of life, and I held my breath as a twelve-meter-long anaconda swam alongside me. But it passed quietly, and I relaxed. The current was strong enough that I didn’t need to row, so I decided to lie down for a little while. The motion of the river soothed me and I closed my eyes, unable to fight the fatigue any longer. The chirping of birds and splashing of fish all around me was like a lullaby, urging me to sleep.
As soon as I fell asleep, I dreamed of Senshi. It felt so real that I wondered if I was actually dreaming, or if she really was—somehow—there. “Wake up,” she said, touching my arm. I opened my eyes to see Senshi sitting beside me on the raft, her long hair hanging over her shoulder. She reached out to stroke my face, like she used to when I was little. I smiled up at my big sister, so happy to see her again.
“It’s time for you to wake up,” she insisted, but I shook my head. I was so tired and besides, I needed to talk to her. I couldn’t go yet.
My throat felt dry, but I had to get the words out. “I was just about to come out that day.”
She smiled. “No, you weren’t. But you did the right thing.”
I was glad to hear her say that, but still wasn’t convinced.
“Why couldn’t you ghost?” I asked her. I had always wondered that.
She just stared at me, then gently touched my face again. “You’re close right now.”
“I am?” That seemed impossible. Ghosting was hard, and I was too drained to do anything hard anymore.
“Are you scared?” Her voice was just as soothing and musical as I had remembered it.
“No. I’m tired.” It was good to talk to her, but I wished she hadn’t woken me up so soon.
“That’s good. You filled your heart with something else. Now you’ve got to get up.”
I looked up at her and said, “I memorized some of Moby Dick.”
“Kitai, get up,” she insisted.
I quoted some of the lines she had underlined, trying to keep her there with me, not ready to let her go.
But she kept interrupting, repeating, “Kitai, wake up.” I wished she would stop pushing me. I just needed a little more time. “It’s time for you to wake up.”
I covered my ears and continued quoting the book that she and my dad had loved.
“Kitai, wake up!”
Senshi looked down, resigned, her hair covering her face. When she looked up again, her face was bleeding, just like it had that day. “Wake up!” she shouted, and this time, I did.
The river was already half-frozen. Senshi had been right—I had slept too long. My raft was docked against a riverbank. I sprinted madly for the jungle, with no idea where I might find shelter. As I watched the ice creep across the trees, I felt frost forming on my upper lip and the top of my head. My lifesuit turned white and iced over, but I kept moving. Shivering violently, I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping to preserve whatever warmth my body had left.
Hearing branches snap and crash to the ground, I looked up to see the condor above me, tossing the branches down. The jungle floor began to freeze and I collapsed to my knees. My face hit the cold, hard ground. I saw that my skin was turning blue. If only I’d listened to Senshi—who had tried to help me once more in my dream—I wouldn’t be trapped there now. Maybe my dad and Velan were right—I didn’t listen to anyone. I always thought I knew better. And once again, I’d been wrong. I felt ice forming on my eyelids and could barely see. Then the condor swooped down on me again, and everything went black.
//////// ENTRY 13
I woke up buried under leaves and feathers. Sunlight flashed across my face but it was too bright, blinding. Shielding my eyes, I struggled to free myself from the ditch, crawling toward the light. Collapsing on the ground, I saw the ice beginning to melt, though it was still very cold. Somehow, I had survived till morning.
I turned to see the condor lying over the ditch where I woke. I saw that she had made a little nest for me, and kept me warm in it through the night.
“Hey,” I said, tapping her, “thanks.” But she didn’t move. That’s when I realized that she had sacrificed herself for me, allowing herself to freeze so she could keep me warm. I stood staring at the condor for a long moment, overwhelmed. She had given her life for me. Just like Senshi. How many others had tried to help me and I hadn’t seen it? Emotions raced through me—guilt, sadness, but most of all, gratitude. Finally, I understood that no matter how isolated I might feel, I had truly never been alone. I turned and walked back into the jungle.
I followed a faint trail and found my way to a watering hole. I caught a glimpse of myself in the still, clear water, and was surprised by how much older I looked. Not just because of the stress I’d endured, but because of the knowledge and acceptance in my eyes. Finally, after the five years of struggle since my sister’s death, I was at peace with myself. I felt at peace with this strange new world around me too.