He bowed to me, with sorrow in his wry smile. "I am already condemned. I have broken every vow but one to get us here alive, your highness. I do not fear the judgment of Terre d’Ange, when a greater judgment awaits me," he said quietly.
Ysandre stood silent, then nodded. "Understand that I am grieved at this necessity." There was dignity in her words and her bearing; I understood, and believed. I could see in her the echo of the Crown Prince that Delaunay had revered. I wondered what he had made of Rolande’s daughter. Then a calculating light lit her eyes. "But you are too valuable to discard into safe exile, and you no less than the others, if your gift tells true, Tsingano. In the name of my grandfather, I place you all under the custody of the throne."
So it was done.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Hyacinthe had spoken truly: Ganelon de la Courcel, King of Terre d’Ange, died in three days' time.
I have little firsthand knowledge of what it was like in those days, being cloistered in the Palace under the express care of Ysandre’s personal guard. Some news we gained from them, and from her chirurgeon, who examined us, treating Joscelin’s half-healed wounds and prescribing a rich diet to counter the toll of deprivation our long flight had taken, but for the most part, it felt as though I were confined in a dream, while the real world passed by me. We heard the mourning bells toll, that had not rung since I was a child at Cereus House. We saw the solemn faces of the guards, and their black armbands. For all of that, it seemed unreal to me.
One thing was sure, though; I could feel the uneasiness of the City-and the greater realm beyond it-on my very skin. Although they knew not the true threat that awaited, reports of Skaldi invasion increased, and Isidore d’Aiglemort and a half-dozen other Camaeline nobles begged off attendance at the King’s funeral and Ysandre’s coronation, claiming they dared not leave the province unguarded.
The coronation itself was a hasty affair; after so long, no one truly believed Ganelon would die and, too, illness had thinned the ranks of D’Angeline nobles as well as the common folk. There were five empty seats or more in Parliament alone. And among those who remained to fill them, there was grave mistrust of the worth of a young and untried Queen, who yet stood unwed and alone.
These things I learned in some detail from Thelesis de Mornay, who was permitted to visit us. She continued to mend from her bout with the fever, but slowly, and I cringed to hear her wracking cough.
Above all, I dreaded to hear word of Melisande Shahrizai. Though she was reported to be in Kusheth-one of the cousins, Fanchone, came bearing flowery condolences on the part of House Shahrizai-it was within the Palace walls that I had last encountered her, and it preyed on my mind in that place. I fingered her diamond that lay still at my throat, a talisman of vengeance, that somehow I dared not discard, and thought of her, too often. Survival in a hostile land takes up all of one’s thought; now, I had too much time to think, and remember. I had withheld the signale, it was true, but with Delaunay’s blood as good as on her hands, I had given up everything else. She had played me like a harp, and I had sung to her tune. I could not forget, and it sickened me.
It was Joscelin who found a way out for me.
He knew; he had walked with me into her hands, and been there when I’d awakened from it, retching and soul-sick. And he was that thing I ever forgot with Cassilines: A priest. What he said, he said somberly, not quite meeting my eyes.
"Phèdre, you give Elua his due, and Naamah, whose servant you are. But it is Kushiel who marked you, and Kushiel whose will you challenge when you despise what you are." He looked at me then, expression undecipherable. "You will break, to challenge the will of the immortals. I know, I have been at the verge of it, and it was you who drew me back. But I cannot help in this. Beg leave to attend the temple of Kushiel. They will accept your atonement."
This I did, and Ysandre de la Courcel granted me leave, provided I went hooded in the attendance of her personal guard.
Of that, I will say little. Those who have had need of Kushiel’s harsh mercy know; those who have not, need not know. Of all of Elua’s Companions, Kushiel’s disciples can be trusted beyond death with their vows of secrecy. Were it not so, no one would atone. Even his priests wear robes and full bronze masks, so that their identity cannot be discerned, nor even their gender. They looked at my face through the eyeholes of their masks when I raised my hood, saw the mark of Kushiel’s Dart, and took me in without question.
It is a terrifying place, though a safe one, from all but the evil that one carries within oneself. I endured the rituals of purification, and then, cleansed and purged and stripped naked, knelt at the altar before the great bronze statue of Kushiel himself, serene and harsh, while two priests bound my wrists to the whipping-post. There I made my confession.
And was scourged.
I am what I am; I can say now without shame that I wept with release at the first blow of the flogger, the iron-tipped lashes searing my skin. Pain, and pain alone, pure and red, flooded me, washing away my guilt.
Before me, Kushiel’s stern face swam in the blood-haze of my vision; behind me, the same face was echoed in the bronze mask of the priest wielding the flogger, with a cruel and impersonal love. My back was ablaze with agony, awful and welcome. I do not know how long it lasted. An eternity, it seemed, and yet not long enough. When the priest stopped, the leather straps of the flogger were wet with my own red blood, and drops of it spattered the altar.
"Be free of it," he murmured, voice muffled behind the mask. Taking up a dipper, he plunged it into a font of saltwater, pouring it over my flayed skin. I cried out as the pain multiplied five-fold, salting my open weals; cried out and shuddered, the temple reeling in my vision.
Thus did I make my atonement.
When I returned to the safekeeping of the Palace, I was calm with it, empty of the terrible sickness that had eaten at my heart for many days, suffused with the simple languor of childhood after the Dowayne’s chastiser had done with me. Joscelin glanced at my face once, then looked away. At that moment, I did not care. I was content.
"News," Hyacinthe informed me; it wasn’t news that would wait. "The Dauphine…the Queen, I mean, has given out that she’s retiring to one of the Courcel estates to mourn for a fortnight. She’s summoning a council of the peers she dares to trust. And we’re to attend it."
We went.
The numbers, I sorrow to say, invited to attend that council were pathetically small. If it were a simple matter of state, I daresay Ysandre would have trusted others, but the matter of d’Aiglemort’s betrayal was too grave. Thelesis was there, simply because the Queen trusted her. Gaspar Trevalion, whom Delaunay had trusted. Percy de Somerville, who looked older than I remembered, and less hardy. Barquiel L’Envers, whom I would not have trusted, were the choice mine. There were two only whom I did not know by sight, for they came seldom to the Palace, though I had heard Delaunay speak of both with respect; the Duchese Roxanne de Mereliot of Eisande, who is called the Lady of Marsilikos, and Tibault of Siovale, the scholarly Comte de Toluard. Were it not for Ganelon’s funeral and Ysandre’s coronation, they would not likely have been summoned so quickly.
Also present was the Prefect of the Cassiline Brotherhood, tall and severe, with a face that looked carved of ancient ivory and eyes like a stooping hawk’s. Bound in a tight club, his hair was entirely white, with the yellow tinge that age sometimes brings, but his carriage was as erect as a young man’s.
The estate that Ysandre de la Courcel had chosen was one of the King’s hunting lodges in L’Agnace. It was well done, I thought, for it was gracious and secluded, with a discreet staff that was removed from the arena of politics. Also it was not far from de Somerville’s estate, and his long history of loyalty to the throne was beyond reproach.