"I'm a huge fan."
"Great. I get my best orgasms off people who think I'm my character."
"Maybe you can help me," Remo said.
"If you'll help me. I wanna have a baby."
"I don't do that kind of favor."
"No? So what do you want?"
"Your girdle."
"How'd you know I wear a freaking girdle?" Roxanne said, jerking to her feet. Every square inch of her body jounced and jiggled like Jell-O in a pink leaf sack. "Rumor."
"Well, I ain't giving up my girdle for anything less than sperm. And that's final."
"Damn," said Reano, looking around the trailer. A thought occured to him. "Where's your friend?"
"What friend?"
"The one you were talking to before I came in."
"Oh, her. That was no friend. Just that bitch alter of mine, Rachel."
"Alter?"
"Yeah, like alter ego? That's what my shrink says I should call my multiple personalities. I've got thirty-six. Hey, maybe you'd like to pork one of them. Now, take Rachael. She's twelve years younger and 140 pounds lighter than me. But she's not very big in the hygiene department. If you catch my drift."
"Do you have a timid alter?" Remo wondered.
"Timid?"
"You know, shy."
"Well, there's Mandy. She's very mousy."
"I'd like to meet Mandy. The mousy type attracts me."
Roxanne shrugged. "Well, if you get one of us pregnant, I guess we'll all be pregnant. But I gotta warn you. Mandy is a virgin. You be gentle with her, or I'll briss you with my teeth-if you catch my drift."
"I promise."
And Roxanne closed her eyes. Her round face turned placid. Then, like waves rippling across the ocean, her features began to waver and change. They grew slack. A little drool trickled from one corner of her red mouth. When her eyes opened, the voice coming out was tiny. "Hello, I'm Mandy."
"Quick," Remo said urgently. "Where's she keep her girdle?"
"Bottom drawer. But don't tell Rox I told you!"
"Promise," said Remo, going to the bottom drawer. He almost missed the girdle. It was made of black vinyl and went all the way up to the silver-tasseled breast cups. All it needed was a skull and crossbones painted on it and it could have adorned a pirate ship. "Thanks," said Remo, starting for the door. "Aren't you going to make love to me?"
"Next life."
"Rats," said Mandy in a pouty voice as Remo shut the door behind him.
THE MASTER OF SINANJU was waiting for Remo outside the main gate on Lankershim Boulevard. "Here," said Remo.
Wrinkling up his nose, Chiun took the girdle in two fingers. "It smells."
"It's the girdle of the amazon queen, Roxanne. Address any complaints to her."
"She fought desperately to retain it?"
"Tooth and nail."
"And you vanquished her?"
"She was begging for mercy when I left."
"You have done well," said Chiun, holding the girdle this way and that.
"What are you going to do with that?"
"The girdle of the amazons is supposed to confer great strength upon the wearer."
"I'm not wearing that."
"You have not the chest for it," sniffed Chiun, tossing the garment into the nearest trash receptacle. "Hey! Do you know what I went through to get that?"
"It does not matter. You have completed another labor. That is all that matters."
As they walked back to their hotel, the Master of Sinanju began to yawn broadly.
Remo caught himself yawning, too.
"You are sleepy?" Chiun inquired. "No. I'm yawning because you are."
"You look sleepy."
"Okay, I'm sleepy. But I'm not sleeping until we get the rite finished."
"You must sleep to conserve your strength for the ordeal ahead," Chiun stated.
"I've been sleeping more than I've been waking lately."
"Your body craves sleep. We will find a suitable hotel."
AT THE BEVERLY GARLAND hotel, Remo was looking out the window. The San Gabriel Mountains hovered in the near distance. He could see the top of the Omniversal Towers. There was a billboard there. He hadn't noticed it before.
It was another advertisement for The Return of Muck Man.
"Every time I see that Muck Man billboard I feel like it's staring at me," Remo said.
"I have told you, it is your father."
"Har-de-har-har-har," said Remo.
"He does have your eyes."
Remo looked closer. "They do look awfully familiar."
Bustling up, Chiun drew the curtains shut with sudden violence, darkening the room.
"It is time for your nap," he announced. "Hey! I was looking out that window!"
"You may waste your time after you have completed your labors," Chiun said, going to the door. "And do not let me catch you in a Western bed."
The door closed and Remo turned in.
ALMOST AT ONCE he found himself in a valley dotted with flowering plum trees. Swallows alighted and took off from their branches, swooping through the warm air.
Under one plum tree Remo saw a figure he recognized. He walked over to the bald old man seated in a lotus position. He was heavy of body with pale, unmoving eyes like stones in a face like crumpled, translucent parchment.
"Greetings, H'si T'ang pongsa," Remo said, using the Korean honorific for a blind man.
Master H'si T'ang looked up with unseeing eyes. They searched curiously while his flat nose sniffed the air. "Ah, Remo. Welcome."
"Can't you see me?"
"I was blind in life, why should it be different in the Void?"
"Well, I just figured a person's sight would be restored to him."
"Spoken like a true Christian." Master H'si T'ang stood up. "I am the Master who trained your Master. This means you are near the end of your Rite of Attainment. This is good, for it means the House will go on."
"Can you help me? I need to find Kojing. He was supposed to tell me something."
"You seek your father?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
"Ask Chiun."
Remo blinked. "Chiun?"
"Yes, Chiun will tell you the name of your father."
"Chiun?"
"Chiun," said Master H'si Tang, reaching up to pluck a ripe plum. Remo's eyes followed his frail hand as it groped. Fingers like bones coated in beeswax closed around the ripest one and plucked it.
When Remo's eyes went back to the face of H'si Tang, he was gone. So was the plum.
REMO BURST into the adjoining hotel room, where the Master of Sinanju sat on the narrow balcony watching the sun set.
"I met H'si Tang."
"How is the Venerable One?"
"Still blind."
"One does not need eyes in the Void."
"I asked him about my father, and he said to ask you."
Remo waited for the Master of Sinanju to answer. But there was only silence.
"Did you hear what I said?"
"What were H'si T'ang's exact words?" Chiun asked thinly.
"Ask Chiun."
"My father was named Chiun. Did you encounter him in the Void?"
Remo's voice fell. All the pent-up energy in his body seemed to dissipate. "Damn," he said.
"I have spoken to Emperor Smith," Chiun said. "His oracles have found another athloi for you. We will depart on the morrow."
"I'd like to get going now."
Coming to his feet, Chiun pivoted to face his pupil. "Then we will depart at once." And he breezed past Remo like a secretive wraith.
Remo followed him with his eyes but said nothing.
ON THE PLANE, Chiun was saying, "Perhaps your father is the illustrious Ted Williams."
"I wouldn't mind that, but I know it isn't."
"Andy Williams, then."
"Not a chance."
"Robin Williams."
"No way."
"Why not? He is fat. And you are showing signs of gaining weight."
"My mother said my name isn't Williams. And what makes you think my father is famous?"
"All who sire Masters of Sinanju are famous. Why should you be any different?"