2.13.9
“‘As for the children (the reason for putting up with this pain in the liver), if a couple are in a state of aversion and contumely, conflict and contumacy, the way they bring them up will be simply an invitation to imitation, a training, through their agency, in abomination, and how much better it would be to divorce the mother and leave them sans upbringing, concord being a factor more important than any other. In addition we know — from experience gained since the day the Almighty decreed that marriage be the law and saw that it was good—if a woman knows her husband can divorce her and slip from her clutches, she’ll treat him lovingly and as she should, indulge him and be a good friend, go along with his whims and help him unbend, put right anything that’s wrong and agree with his views, compliment him and use language that soothes, fearing lest her life become unbearable should he leave her or she be deprived of what he owes her of this world’s joy, for if there’s no concord between them, “Divorce! Divorce!” will be his cry. This Jewish friend of ours doesn’t differ in his opinion much, for he disagrees with me only over the conditions for divorce (which, for him, are such and such).
2.13.10
“‘As for our wishy-washy friend, he’s at sea as to where this thorny issue will end. Sometimes he says divorce leads to ease, at others that it must disturb life’s calm and be nasty as a slap with the palm. On occasion he claims that a set period for legal dalliance532 or marriage is more likely to lead to a successful conclusion, for even when that ends the contract may be renewed, with official collusion, until the two part without any grudge and settle it all mutually without recourse to a judge, this being less likely to create inconvenience and expose the purse to ravages (albeit it’s also the practice of certain savages). On others he says that, on the contrary, keeping a concubine is more comfortable, pleasant, and restorative for the listless, and there is no substitute for keeping a mistress. At moments, he decides to make do with a plump little serving girl as wife, at others with the bachelor’s solitary life (taking any, much-anticipated, opportunities as may be on offer), at yet others to cut off his tackle completely (supposing, if we may, that one can slice through such snares so neatly).’
2.13.11
“The speaker now declared, ‘We’re discussing all this because I’ve descended the staircase of this business from top to bottom and suffered each of the kinds of danger and perdition with which it’s rotten, for at every step I found a chasm into which discernment vanished and where reason was banished, where strength waned and bankruptcy was to be relished, a chasm beside which all other disasters seemed diminished, to the point that I became convinced that it plays no useful role and benefits not one living soul. It’s a sickness none can cure, a smart but poisoned garment that pleasure to those both who see and those who wear it brings but ulcerates their joints and limbs. With the exception of this curse, any matter in the world may be sized up by the astute and dealt with for better or for worse, for it all goes back to the individual’s disposition and neither good sense helps, nor resolute decision.’
2.13.12
“Then said he, moaning like a mourning mother, ‘To the words of the wishy-washy man I would add what follows (and I fear not the censure of my fellows): How many a heart has been tied to the rack533 by reason of that crack, by reason of that cleft how many of all tranquility bereft! How many a head for its sake has been softened and contused, how many a mind weakened and abused, how many a neck chopped and eye popped, how many a tooth split and nose slit, how many a head of hair shaved smooth and beard plucked out, how many a hand cut off and lineage lost, how many a brigade raised and tome off tossed’ (a category to which this tome belongs) ‘or horse galloped or sword flashed or lance flourished or band into battle dashed or mountain crumbled and shattered or house abandoned, its stones scattered, or possession plundered, or king by adversity crushed, or land reduced to dust—nay, how many a nation has disappeared and been dismembered, how many a generation receded and ceased to be remembered!’ And then he sighed and added, ‘Or goods depleted and gold coins deleted.’”
2.13.13
Said al-Hāwif, “Then I realized that ‘the crack’ had cracked him in his pocket, and its ‘uvula’ bitten him, once well inserted in its socket. That was why he’d gone on at such length in his discourse and waded so far out: to discover if any other had suffered as had he and knew of aught that might bring a cure about. Now he turned to me, his eyes full to the brink, and said, ‘And you, what do you think?’ ‘Verily,’ I replied, ‘it is a very great woe,534 a dilemma fit to make tears flow. For long the greatest scholars have been confounded as to the affair, and of ever understanding it the wisest of sages are in despair. Let there be no misapprehension, knowing each celestial sphere and every star, diving where lie Earth’s metals and wonders bizarre, or comprehending its secrets and things exotic, would be easier by far for me than giving a yes or no on such a topic. So it seems to me I’d better say nothing.’ Then, while they all argued to and fro, at length and in brief, who but the Fāriyāq should come riding briskly by on a trotting donkey that bowled along, its head held high. Catching sight of him, I called, ‘Get down, get down, and hie thee to this locus of indecision, for none but you, we think, is capable of ridding us of its reek and presenting the facts with some precision!’ He asked, ‘Into what muddled matter have you waded and regarding what muddy miasma do you seek to be persuaded?’ We told him, ‘Matrimony. Now give us your remedy instantaneously!’ at which he launched into the following, quite spontaneously: