3.11.7
“‘The only thing that vexes me,’ she said, ‘is that I cannot tell the people of Egypt — meaning the Christians there, whether Copts or Levantines — the things they don’t yet know about what may be expected of a marriage, since they reckon that the Almighty created the woman simply as a source of gratification for the man — in his bed, in waiting on him, and in keeping house for him. You’ll find that the expression on the face of one of their menfolk stays the same whether he has come home and is face-to-face with his wife or he is away from her, and that when he sits down, he keeps his distance from her, full of suspicions and regrets. When he looks at her, all he looks at is her hair, to see whether it’s tidy or not, and he won’t tidy it for her in public if the wind or something of the sort has mussed it. He spends no time with her and doesn’t take her by the arm when they walk together. Indeed, he rarely walks with her, unless she goes to see her parents, when he is then very much on guard lest any man talk to her on the road or set eyes on her and she return pregnant (with a single child should he merely have seen her and twins if he actually talked to her). When she brings him his dinner, he eats in gloomy silence, as though the food he’s eating were poisoned. He may also ask her to wash his feet before he goes to sleep or to massage them until sleep comes and will blink, open and close his eyes, yawn, stretch, and then fall asleep without a cuddle or a kiss, and whenever it’s the feast of some sex-starved monk,122 he holds himself aloof from her. He obliges her to address him in the presence of others with, “Yes, my lord” and “Thank you, my lord” when that “lord” may be a slinking wolf, or supremely stupid, while she is sensible and bright; despite which, she has no choice but to treat him as her lord and master and if she sees him commit some folly, she can do nothing to bring him to his senses, for it is a matter of settled fact to idiots and simpletons that for them to go against the wishes of their wives is a praiseworthy act of obedience to God. Even if he flew head over heels and landed headfirst on the ground, he’d direct his blame and reproof at his wife.’”
3.11.8
The Fāriyāq continued, “I told her, ‘According to al-Nakhaʿī, obedience to women is a sign of the Last Hour,’ to which she replied, ‘Methinks I saw the Franks gathered, or being gathered, as for the Last Hour that other night!’ Then she went on to say, ‘And more horrid than all of that is that when a man in our country reaches a certain age, he feels no embarrassment at wedding a girl of not yet half his years, and when she takes up residence with him, he immediately sets about raising her, nourishing her in the hope of profiting from her and breeding from her womb, and he treats her with hypocrisy and soft soap. He may be a lecherous wretch and convince her that he’s a righteous and God-fearing man who has nothing to do with diversions or music or keeping company with wise-acres. It never crosses his mind that the difference in age between him and his wife is one of the main reasons that she hates him. On the contrary, he believes that simply because he is the active partner and she the passive that’s enough to give him precedence and superiority over her.’ I responded, ‘Claims of precedence based on who plays the active role seem to me invalid, for mufāqamah, mubāḍaʿah, muwāqaʿah, and similar forms123 all point to the fact that the act is a collaboration between two and any precedence should go to the initiator.’ She responded, ‘Initiation is no more the assigned role of one than of the other, so whoever starts is in the right, and that means that neither has precedence over his or her partner. Moreover, how often, just because of this delusion, will a man leave his wife alone in the house and spend the night with one of his friends, where he takes wine with him until he’s drunk and the little common sense he has vanishes and the only way he can get home is borne between two men, as though at a funeral! Plus, it makes no difference to him whether his wife is pregnant or not and you’ll find that he talks to her when she is in that state exactly as he did before. He may burst in on her with an animalistic cry and give her a shock, or say to her, “Boo!” or “Ta-daa!” or “Gotcha!” or “Watch it!” or “Shush!” or “Whoa!” or “Woa!” or glue himself to her like birdlime or chrysocolla, or crush her with his body, or stick himself against her, or fail to perform, or fall uselessly on her like a dead weight.
3.11.9
“‘The furthest extent of his kindness to and pity for her is to buy her a slave girl or employ a maid. In so doing, however, he does not intend only to lighten her work. His purpose is to make the slave girl or the maid her warden so that she can’t betray him with regard to his honor (I don’t say, “with regard to his wealth” because he never leaves the house without first locking his money chests). Despite this, such a slave girl will inevitably collude with her mistress against him, even if the mistress curses and insults her in his presence, for it doesn’t matter to her whether her mistress loves one man, or two, or ten. All she cares about is eating and drinking well while in her house. Thus, if any “slip,” as it is called, on her mistress’s part becomes known to her, she tells her mistress so and is emboldened to ask her for whatever she wants. In fact, she wants her mistress to take as many lovers as she can because she hopes for gifts and handouts from them, and it’s a known fact that the more lovers there are the more gifts there will be.
3.11.10
“‘To resume: it is in the nature of women at all times and in all places to be attracted toward considerations of love and occasions of passion and believe that everyone else has abandoned themselves to these and thinks of nothing else. Thus the slave girl who is in the household of a “respectable” mistress (assuming such a thing exists) will quickly anger her to the point that she urges her husband to sell the girl, after which it will be her fate to serve some other woman who isn’t so “respectable.” Not to mention that men are simpletons. Yes, simpletons! As for their vaunting their generosity in buying jewelry for their wives during the springtimes of their good fortune, it all ends up as part of their own wealth in the end because they’re quick to strip them of it during the autumns of their hard times and bankruptcy. What woman can accept that she should stay at home like a mare saddled and ready for riding while at the same time being deprived of social intercourse?’”
3.11.11
The Fāriyāq continued, “I said, ‘Never have you spoken better! Now the signs of your natural brilliance begin to shine, may God preserve you and conserve you!’ to which she replied, ‘What’s “conserve you” mean?’ ‘Nothing at all,’ I replied.124 ‘But to me,’ she said, ‘it’s a sign of the benefits of doubling up.’ I said, ‘You seem to be saying that it’s like pairing one word to another so that they give off an aroma of marriage.’ ‘Indeed!’ she answered. ‘Marriage is a pleasure, even where words are concerned.’ I said, ‘But I still have an objection to something you said, namely your suggestion in the course of this eloquent sermon of yours, which has benefited me more than any of those by the master of the Oneiromancer’s Chamber, that I tidy your hair and your clothes in public, or that I ought to do so, which is unthinkable.’ ‘You haven’t done so yet,’ she said, ‘but you soon will, God willing, for I believe you esteem women and wouldn’t scant them in their rights, and I am one of that mortal company.’”