tadghar them or tuḍabbib them,
daghr means “a woman’s lifting a child’s uvula with her finger” and “ḍabbaba the child” means “he fed the child with ḍabībah (‘a mash made for a child in a small butterskin’)”
trains them and tudharrib them,
tadhrīb means “a woman’s holding a child up so that it may do its business”
tuqarrim them and tujawrib them,
taqrīm has been mentioned earlier151 and jawraba means “he dressed him in his socks”
sits them down and tunassis them,
“nassasa the child” means “he said is is to make it urinate or defecate”; I say that it ought, by analogy, to be ayyasa
protects them with charms and tunajjis them,
tanjīs was mentioned above in Book One, Chapter 16152
swaddles them and tarsaʿ them,
“rasaʿa the child” means “he tied beads on its arm or leg to ward off the eye”
prinks them and primps them.
3.13.15
“‘These are the facts, and were pregnancy the only agony a woman has to face in life, it would be enough — either for the burdens she must face thereafter (if it’s her husband who’s the father) and which none but another of her sex could bear, or, if he is not, for the scandal in which she must surely share (we may assume she’ll feel no sense of guilt, for scholars have said that when a woman gives birth to a child by someone other than her spouse it’s painless, followed merely by a certain wilt); not to mention that, in addition to all that’s gone before, God tests women with trying conditions and perils galore. These include lactation though not pregnant,153 postpartum pain, retention of milk in the breast following birth (requiring a female neighbor to suck on it a couple of times to make it drain),154 drying up of her milk and clotting of the colostrum in the udder, plus shriveling of the child in the womb, postpartum prolapse, and miscarriage and casting of the child before or after term, as well as childbed (that limbo between death and life), when for an undetermined period she’s confined, and any ʿiddah, when her freedom is restricted for a number of days that has been defined,155 and the menses that each month afflict her and often with shortness of breath constrict her—for they bring her pains in the back if late and cramp her chest and destroy her patience when too little or too great—plus, during pregnancy, cravings, morning sickness, and yearning for many things whose absence she cannot face, even when bitter to the taste, this leaving her unruly and unbiddable, furious and hysterical, debilitated and subject to ennui—along with other ills and conditions of which men are free. Any who views the matter with good sense and fairly will never argue to the contrary.’”
3.13.16
Al-Hāwif resumed, “At this, his opponent seemed to run out of steam, deflate, equivocate, and finally fear a mutiny. So another stood up and said, ‘We’ve heard enough, good folk, for now. Let’s leave the final determination to our return and further scrutiny,’ and they went their ways, the evidence defective, the attempt to untie the knot having proved ineffective. To myself I said, ‘I still may come across one from whom the final word on this matter I can prise, thus sparing myself further inquiry and surmise, for it seems to me that the speakers were like two horses in a race, each rider jockeying with knowledge and rhetoric for place. Each, though, I think, spoke according to what his mood suggested and not — as should those who report and relate — by ensuring that the truth was fully tested.’ Then the Fāriyāq appeared, jogging through a certain market, depositing what food appealed to his eye and took his fancy in a basket, which I seized, crying, exultant, ‘My consultant! My consultant!’ To this he replied, ‘Hunger terrible, miserable and horrible! No advice should be built on it, or proof, or double-witnessed attestation, and it’s the judge himself who’s hungriest for a collation, the one most owed a drop of something wet, or, if you prefer, a coquette.’ ‘That’s precisely the area in which guidance is sought,’ I said, ‘and fear not for the safety of what’s in the basket or of what you’ve bought.’ ‘What’s the beef?’ he asked. ‘What’s the cause of grief? Did you wade into a discussion of women with those who’ve taken that as their field of battle, wearing yourself, along with them, to a frazzle?’ ‘Indeed I did!’ I said. ‘Not for nothing did Qaṣīr cut off his nose,156 nor was it by fate’s decree alone that the boon companion abandoned the one to whom he’d been so close.’157 Then I told him what had befallen me at home with the women as well as among the bards and said, ‘Give me the answer by doubt unmarred.’ He hung his head for a while, then said, ‘Here it is, to the best of my ability, for hunger has made me to effort averse and left me no clear and truth-telling thoughts for verse:
3.13.17
Each spouse is the other’s like with regard to pleasures
Each on a par in terms of what they need to live.
“Stand, woman!” and “Sit, woman!” are like “Hand over, sir, hand over!”
And “Do as I say, woman!”’s the same as “Give me, sir, give!”
The male in his youth to folly’s more prone
Or in it more daring than the maid,
For she’s by many an ill
Over and above the menses (and what an ill that is!) waylaid.
Then, when it’s said, “He’s older, now, dried up,”
The turn is hers, until a certain age she attains—
Sixty years at most — after which she abstains from all excesses.
Thereafter, both can be considered mere remains.
True, the male is tormented among men
By a weakness of his, at this point, in carrying out the deed,
But for her among the greatest of fears—
The ones that make her choke as though dying — to which she pays heed
Is that her lover be as old as she
When what she desires is a youthful lover’s clasp.