4.3.5
“But to return to our argument: if the king starts changing customs and exchanging conventions, this may lead to him too being changed. His situation is comparable to that of the rooster that searches for a grain of wheat on the ground and in so doing stirs up the dust till it covers his head (though this is an unworthy comparison). Better then that everything stay as it is. And again, it makes no difference whether the one bound for our country is rich or poor, pious and righteous, a thief and a libertine, a man or a woman — all are obliged to hand over the fee and put up with the fleecing…” “But my lord and master, I am a woman in straitened circumstances obliged to pass through your happy city because my poor dear hubby came to your royal country to conduct some business and the Almighty determined that he should meet his end there, so I left young children I have writhing with hunger in our little cottage and came to see my poor dead hubby (since he can’t see me), not to mention that I’m considered one of those good-looking women who deserve to be looked after and well treated by those in positions such as yours. Why then should I be obliged to bear the fee, not to mention the costs of travel and the loss of my hubby, who was a support to me?” “Return, woman, to whence you came! This is no time for pleas for mercy, for the rules set down in the ledgers of kings admit of no change or modification and no exceptions can be made…”
4.3.6
“And I too, my master, am a poor little fellow whom fate has bombarded with its calamities for reasons known only to God and I have made my way to your country hoping to obtain some minor post that will satisfy my needs. I am no seducer or sower of dissent nor am I one who pokes his nose into the policies of kings and their governance. All that I wish for is to make a living, though I do know something that the inhabitants of your ever-prosperous land do not and my presence here may be of benefit to your happy realm. Should a sublime decree be issued that I be examined and tested as to my claims, you would provide me with a house, to say nothing of issuing the permit for me to enter without a fee…” “You there, policeman, watchman, guard, nabber, grunter, rozzer, runner, cop, slop, constable, catchpole, cozzpot, woodentop, nabman, beagle, derrick, nubbing-cove — put that man in prison! He’s surely a spy come to spy out our land. Search him. No doubt you’ll find papers on him that’ll tell us what he’s up to.”
4.3.7
“And I too, my lord and master, am a poor young laddie. I have come to see my father because he has told me that, on his way home, he entered your country, where the clement climate afflicted him with a malady that prevents him from moving. When my mother, who is also sick from the grief and care that have consumed her as a result of his long absence, learned of his illness, she sent me to him, in the hope that I might serve him and nurse him and his spirits then revive at the sight of me and recover, for when a sick father sees his son the latter takes the place of medicine.” “We’re not children’s nannies and our country’s no schoolhouse that they should come and go without paying a fee. Get on with you and show you’re a man by paying it right away…”
4.3.8
“And I too — O my shield and my refuge, my succor and my resort, my haven and my shelter, my support and my prop, my foundation and my stay, my strength and my security — am a poet and man of letters who wrote a poem in praise of a certain emir, for which he granted me a hundred gold coins. With half of these I bought provisions for my family, with a quarter I covered what I needed to clothe them, and I have a quarter left. Having heard of the merits of your magnificent, splendid, fertile kingdom and of the treasures and curiosities that it contains, to be found in no other country, I desired to let my eyes roam and my mind saunter in the midst of this luxury for a few days. Who knows? Maybe on seeing it, brilliant tropes that no one has beaten me to will come to my mind and from them I shall fashion, before anything else, a brilliant eulogy in praise of your elevated position and gracious condition, broadcast praise of you in every clime, at every time, skillfully describe your noble qualities in books…” “How many a dilettantish and doleful poet we have in our country! How many are their writings and how little their income! Either you pay the fee, or you turn around and go home, or we consign you to the madhouse.”
4.3.9
Rarely, though, does the puissant, magnificent master honor the ears of the wretched pleader with the like of such negative responses, for mere negativity from the great is a boon. Usually it comes with humiliation and a slap to the back of the neck, a punch on the snout, the pulverizing of a tooth, the slitting open of a belly, the slicing off of a leg, or the snapping of a back. For this reason, the Fāriyāq, being one of those who couldn’t spare any of his limbs, when he resolved to travel, requested five consuls to honor his passport with their stamps. The consuls of Naples, Leghorn, and another city in the Papal States, as well as the consuls of Genoa and France stamped it, because the steamer passes by the ports of each of those cities and docks in them for a few hours. The city of Naples is famous for its numerous carriages, ships, gardens, and forests, Leghorn for the sweetness of its air and the height of its buildings, and the same holds true for the city of Genoa. The Fāriyāq said, “In my opinion, the last is better than the other two. The papal city is as disagreeable as can be, since it has none of the glamour of sovereignty or royalty and there is nothing in it to please the eye.”
4.3.10
When the Fāriyāq reached Marseilles, his trunk was taken to the customs office and he was shown by signs that he was to follow it. The customs officers asked him to open it so that they could search through it, but he thought they wanted to look through his notebooks so that they could know what was in them and said, “I haven’t written satires on your sultan or your metropolitan, so why would you look through my notebooks?” but none of them understood him and he understood none of them. When they were done, they gestured to him to close the trunk and he breathed a sigh of relief. Then one of them started feeling his side with his hands, so that the Fāriyāq imagined that he was “rubbing” him,345 in the sense of seeking blessing from him, because he’d found his notebooks in their strange hand. Afterwards, however, he learned that they were searching him to see if he was carrying any tobacco or intoxicating spirits.