‘I must have been abroad at the time.’
He seemed disappointed. ‘I suppose I deserved it. During the latter part of my time in prison I had Parkhurst Moggerhanger for a cell mate. He was in a very bad way, going off his head in fact, so I looked after him as if he was one of the people in my old folks’ home. I saved his remission. He got better, and came to rely on me. I pulled him through his bad patch and when we were discharged we kept in touch. I had nowhere to go, so I went back to live with my old mother in Halifax, bless her. She’s dead now, Mr Cullen.’
‘I’m sorry about that.’
‘Parkhurst told his father about me, and Mr Moggerhanger, as he then was, took me on as a caretaker for whichever property needed me. He wanted to show his appreciation, and I was thankful for it because I was a finished man, done for and never to rise again, when I came out of prison. And yet, having taken this position, which I did with alacrity — I admit it with tears in my eyes — it seems I’ve only jumped from the frying pan into the fire, because I am an accessory after the fact of things which go on here, so that if there’s ever a proper round-up by the forces of justice — if there is such a thing — I’ll be over the wall and inside again for even longer than last time. That’s why I want you to help me, Mr Cullen.’
I could have choked. Fortunately I’d finished his delicious breakfast. I had helped Bill Straw by bottling him up in Blaskin’s roofspace, but Bill Straw was a friend of long standing, whereas Matthew Coppice was one only as of last night — if he was one at all. I was never wary of acquiring new friends, which may have been why I had so few real ones. Besides, an open and unafraid disposition such as mine always made people suspicious. There was something about Matthew Coppice, however, that told me not to trust him entirely. Moggerhanger was no fool, and he was certainly capable of setting this drab minion onto me to find out if I had any resentment at having been put away by him ten years ago.
He set the tray on the floor, and I gave him a cigarette. By my watch it was six o’clock. He spoke so glumly it was hard to imagine he was Moggerhanger’s nark. ‘What do you think?’
‘First of all, my answer is an unequivocal yes.’ What had I got to lose by putting him at rest? ‘I always help if I can. It almost goes without saying. But having said that, I’ve got a few comments to make. All right?’
He nodded.
‘The first is that you shouldn’t do anything hasty.’ I laid it on thick, while another level of my mind thought further on the matter. ‘You should bide your time. Criminal actions may be going on all over the place, but how can you be sure? When you ran Forget-me-not Farm they were also going on, but you didn’t know. You made a mistake last time, and you might make one this time. What I mean is: are you the best judge of anyone else’s criminal actions? My second comment concerns Lord Moggerhanger. You tell me that he employed you out of the goodness of his heart. He’s famous for it. He never forgets a grudge and he never forgets a favour. Most millionaires are like that. They have to be. It’s one of the things which keeps them rich. It also keeps them in touch with human nature — and that also keeps them rich. I mean to say, would you like to repay him by reporting him to the police merely on suspicion?’
He couldn’t look at me directly, which suggested that my arguments were getting at him. ‘You think I’m mad? One part of me suspected Elsie for months, but I laughed it off to myself in the middle of sleepless nights. I did nothing. Now I’ve stumbled onto the main drug and gold smuggling racket in Great Britain and I’m expected to turn a blind eye, am I? Just because Moggerhanger gave me a job when I was down and out? The only reason he took on a fellow like me was that he thought he might one day become a lord, and would need someone he could treat like a dog.’
I felt sorry for him, which was the worst thing you could do for anybody. ‘You are in a mess.’
There was as much of a smile on his face as the wrinkles around his eyes were able to muster. ‘So are you. That’s why you’ve got to help me.’
I thought of Alice Whipplegate’s long slim body sheathed in its nightdress next door. ‘How can I? You’ve got no proof for any of these assertions.’
‘I know where to find some. But you’ve got to promise to stand by me when the crunch comes.’
Dawn was my randiest time. My mother told me I’d been born at six in the morning. I had spoiled her breakfast. ‘I’ll think about it, Matthew, and if I say that, it means I’m halfway there. But can you go to the kitchen and get me a breakfast exactly like the one you brought up for me?’
He realised what I had in mind, not as slow as I’d thought. ‘Oh ho! I see. Well, yes, OK Mr Cullen.’
If he was really trying me out he hadn’t got much response, and even Moggerhanger would have to laugh, or at best grin, at the way I was using him as a pawn in the seduction of Mrs Whipplegate. A pony or two in flowers, my arse! Since she had scorned me so wickedly last night, at least in her diary, I was more intent than ever on getting my mutton dagger home, and I mulled on the delicious possibility till Matthew came back.
‘There it is.’
I looked in the coffee pot. Full and steaming. ‘I’ll never forget this. You can rely on me from now on. Go down and have your morning whisky.’
‘I had it last night.’
‘Have tomorrow’s, then.’
He threw a definite smile. ‘That’s an idea! Anyway, I’ve got to get Lord Moggerhanger’s breakfast. He has two kippers, a plate of scrambled eggs and eight pieces of toast.’
‘Don’t fall into the porridge,’ I said, ‘or you’ll get your nose wet.’
I had gone too far, as if my flippancy threatened him with another downfall. He lit a cigarette and said, with a hint of despair in his otherwise irredeemable glumness: ‘All my life I’ve been the victim of levity. I hate levity. I expected better from someone like you.’
He was genuine, or I was no judge of people. From now on I would believe all he told me. ‘You must realise that underneath what you call levity, Matthew, and what to me is only a brash sense of humour, is a seriousness that’s almost as solid as rock.’
He seemed to appreciate my effort. ‘Thank you, Mr Cullen. I’ll see you later. I must work now.’