She smiled at him now, and he almost changed his mind. Almost. He didn’t return her smile.
Ava slid into the plush seat across from him, her eyes searching his. She seemed to find what she was looking for because she dropped her gaze and sighed. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?” He nodded.
“What about taking a vacation?”
“You know that wasn’t really real. We just told ourselves that. My flight leaves tonight.”
A line formed between her eyebrows. “So soon? Don’t I get any say in this?”
He shrugged, knowing he was hurting her. “Why would you?” he asked, angry at himself for being deliberately cruel.
He sighed and looked around the restaurant, avoiding looking at her. Having this last meal with her had been a mistake. Soon she’d have him rethinking his decision to leave. To follow his chosen career path. Like after the sending-off ceremony, when he thought he could do anything.
She lifted her shoulders in a slight shrug. “Yeah, why would I?”
A waiter approached their table. Oblivious to the tension between them, he asked merrily, “What can I get you folks to drink?”
Her green eyes examined Ian once more, then she looked up toward their waiter and offered him a tight smile. “Nothing for me, thanks. I’ve decided I’m not hungry.”
She stood, and Ian stood along with her. “Ava, let’s—”
“No, Ian, it’s okay. Stay, or go. It doesn’t matter. I’ll take a walk around the canal. Plan what I’m going to do next. Maybe sort out that vacation.”
He flinched. The idea of her vacationing, having a life without him, made him ache.
“In fact, I missed a call from your sister.” Ava balanced on her tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “Take care,” she whispered below his ear.
This wasn’t right. She shouldn’t be leaving him. He shouldn’t be letting her go. Letting her go? Hell, he’d pushed her away.
They should be celebrating over wine and candles and all that romantic stuff he knew would make her happy. They should be swapping memories of the last few days of the writing process. Laughing over times they’d argued, because it was done now and the finished product really worked.
Afterward, he would take her into his arms. Lead her onto the dance floor, then later hold her in his arms while they made love. Any normal boyfriend should be thrilled things were beginning to work out for her career.
But he wasn’t boyfriend material. His sister called him an adrenaline junkie. A risk taker. And there was Ava, a gentle researcher. An academic. How would their lives ever meet?
Ending this—it was the right thing to do. He knew it. But knowing that didn’t make it stop hurting like hell.
MIRIAM SAT FOR A MOMENT and watched the blinking cursor on her laptop screen. It felt good to be back in the swing of things. She knew catching up on work at home would make her return that much smoother.
Work. The one thing that was always there for you. Never left your side.
She’d learned on her father’s knee that reaching the top level of a chosen career was the epitome of success. Things like family and kids never really factored in. Certainly hadn’t played a key role with her dad, anyway. Words like kids, and mommy and doughnut seemed to roll off Jeremy’s tongue without him even choking. Weird.
Miriam rubbed her temples. She couldn’t remember the last time she let someone else handle the particulars. Jeremy had wanted to handle the particulars. He’d been interested in her business. Keeping their home clean. Feeding her. Fixing the things that were broken in her life.
But she’d realized a long time ago, there was no fixing some things that were broken. Especially when the breaks and tears had happened so long ago. She’d been cynical about love, about men, about relationships by the time she was thirteen. A few delightful days spent with Jeremy were never going to fix that.
Yet…she’d wanted them to.
A knock sounded at her door and she jumped, knowing it was him. It had been two long days since Jeremy had left her apartment. Left her.
But she’d recognized his knock. A funny thing to be familiar with, but there it was. She could distinguish his knock as surely as she could make out his scent or the build of his body.
She raced for the door, swinging it open. Jeremy stood there, looking sad and oh, so good on her eyes. “I’m leaving tonight. Thought I’d say goodbye.”
She nodded, not really trusting herself to speak.
He rubbed the callused pad of his thumb against the swollen softness of her lips. She darted out a tongue and tasted his skin, unable to stop herself. With a groan, his lips found hers with an urgency that made her heart skip and her toes curl.
She buried her fingers in Jeremy’s hair, pulling him closer as she opened her mouth for him.
Thrills shot through her as his tongue entered her mouth and filled her with heat. Jeremy’s hands moved from her waist to cup her breasts, and she moaned deep in her throat.
MIRIAM SMOOTHED HER HAIR from her forehead and molded herself to Jeremy, not ready to let go of him yet. She placed a kiss in that sensitive place between his neck and shoulder. “I’m glad you came back.”
Jeremy lifted from her, his expression…not one that was typical of Jeremy. “Yeah, me, too,” he said as he rolled off her.
Miriam scooted up against the headboard, watching as he reached for his jeans and stepped into them. He’d just tugged his shirt over his head when she finally clued in to the fact that he was actually getting dressed. Dressed to leave her.
“Are you going?” she asked. Surprised.
He gave her a tight nod. “It’s time.”
She yanked the sheet up and around her body. “Oh, well, you can…” Her words trailed off. What was she about to offer? That he could stay with her? Until when, morning? She recalled supervising the article on women broadcasting mixed signals.
What kind of mixed signals was she disseminating to Jeremy?
That she wanted him?
That she only wanted him for sex?
That she’d only use him for sex because she was afraid of what others would say and think?
When had she become so shallow? When had she become so much like her mother?
Her eyes prickled, and the back of her throat tightened. What a cold bitch she was.
“You came back tonight to show me how I made you feel. To show me what it feels like to only be used for sex.”
His sad blue eyes met hers, and he shrugged. “I started out that way, but I could never use you for sex, Miriam. I care for you too much.”
Was she so shallow she was about to lose the best thing in her life?
No.
She didn’t deserve him.
He tugged on a boot. She didn’t deserve him, but she wasn’t so stupid she was going to let him walk out of her life so easily. Things seemed so clear now. Sure, the cynical side of herself would say she was trying to pound square pegs into round holes because she wanted Jeremy.
And so what if she were? Wasn’t he, wasn’t the thing between them, worth fighting for?
“Jeremy, wait.”
He turned slowly, reluctantly.
Her stomach clenched. She’d never seen that look on his face. Dejected. Tired. Resolved. “There are a million reasons why this shouldn’t work between us.”
“You’ve told me already.”
“But I haven’t told you why it can.”
The next words would be hard to get out. She hadn’t said them to another person since she was seven.
“I love you. You were right. I don’t know how it happened, maybe that scientist author who’s working with my brother is right, and something in you triggered something in me.”
She wrapped her fingers around his hand. “I know you’d never hurt me. You’ll try to rescue me and take care of me, and I’ll just say ‘screw it’ to anyone who says something about our age difference.”