Miriam saw his body tense. Then relax. In relief she realized she was winning him.
His expression lightened. “That’s my Miriam.”
She reached for him, drew him to her. “That’s who I’ll be. Your Miriam.”
He lowered his head and kissed her gently on the lips.
“I have tickets to the ballet tomorrow. I can’t wait to introduce you to my friends,” she said.
“Ballet? How about a baseball game? Maybe even tennis? I’ll even throw in dinner.”
She let out a laugh, and his grin turned into a full smile.
“Tough,” she said and touched the tip of her tongue to the seam of his lips.
“Miriam, when you do things like that to me, I can’t go slow.”
She ran her tongue up the side of his neck until she found his ear, tugging his lobe gently with her teeth.
Jeremy scooped her up in his arms. “I’ll wait for slow next time. I want you now.”
Miriam liked the sound of that.
AVA STOOD IN THE OPEN doorway of her apartment, only to find Ian leaving a stack of papers she assumed was the last chapter of the manuscript. He dropped the spare key she’d given him on top. She was startled, but not entirely surprised to see him still there. Something between them felt…unfinished. At least in her mind. Perhaps he felt it, too.
He stood slowly and faced her. “Miriam approved the book, it’s going into production.”
She forced a smile, feeling next to nothing. “That’s great.”
“You should be getting the rest of your advance now. That should seed you for your next project or your vacation.”
“Actually, I pitched another idea to Miriam. It came to me on my walk.”
He stuffed one hand into the back pocket of his jeans. “Really? I thought you might try to find work teaching.”
“I thought I would, too. But now I find I’m missing doing the actual field research. I think I’d much rather be out discovering new things than writing about them. It was a large part of my life, and I want to get back to it. Like you and being a reporter.”
He nodded slowly. “Just like me.”
“In fact, something you said gave me the idea. Remember how you said I knew all these ancient customs, but nothing of my own? Well, that’s what I plan to work on, the more unusual marriage and courtship customs found in modern times.”
“Where do you plan to go first?”
“Miriam and I agreed on Sweden. I want to explore the rituals from colder climates. See how they’re different. How they’re the same. There’s something kind of sexy about spending months indoors under the covers with your love.” Her voice trembled. She’d tried to make it detached, but all she could imagine was snuggling under the covers with Ian.
“Maybe when you’re done with the research on that we could…” His words trailed.
Her throat began to ache. He was going to say work on the book together. “Yeah. Maybe. I’d like that.” She paused. Somehow this conversation felt like that coffee role-play. She’d offer him coffee. He’d accept knowing she was inviting him in for something other than a hot beverage.
Except this time it was about something a lot more close to her than coffee. This was the role-play about not seeing each other again, while pretending they would. This role-play only made her sad.
“Where are you headed?” she asked.
“The jungles of South America. Some interesting stuff brewing down there.”
She suppressed a shudder at the thought of Ian in the line of fire. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy the pace.”
A long awkward silence followed. She should be used to those by now, but she wasn’t. Ava folded her arms across her chest. He lifted the strap of his laptop case over his shoulder.
“You know, there’s one thing you never talked to me about twenty-first-century dating.”
“What’s that?”
“How to act when it ends.”
Something dark and fierce blazed in Ian’s brown eyes, then faded. His fingers lifted, almost as if he were going to reach for her. But he didn’t.
“It ends as friends.”
Her heart ached. She didn’t want friendship. She wanted more. “I thought you told me men never wanted friendship from a woman.”
Ian shrugged, and dropped his gaze. “Sometimes when that’s all you can have, that’s what you take.”
Her throat tightened. “Ian, I wanted to thank you for everything. If you hadn’t—”
He shook his head, and his eyes met hers once more. “No need to thank me. It was all you. I just helped you…bring it out.”
Ian smiled then, the first genuine smile he’d given her since the end of the book. “Goodbye, Ava.”
Two Weeks Later
“PEOPLE AS HAPPY AS you are shouldn’t be allowed in public,” Ian said, as he cradled his head in his hands.
Miriam patted him on the shoulder. “And someone as miserable as you are should be shot and put out of their misery. What is wrong with you? I thought you’d be happy covering those peace talks. They’re not very peaceful, are they? That’s right up your alley.”
“I was. Am.”
“Come on, baby brother. Tell me what it is.”
“Drifting from one place to another isn’t exciting anymore. I don’t get the rush. That jolt of excitement. Chasing danger just feels…silly.” Because nothing could ever be as thrilling and challenging as Ava.
“What is it you’ve been chasing all this time, Ian?”
He lifted his shoulders. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I ever did know.”
“Now you seem more like you’re running.”
And how. But what was he running from? From Ava? From his feelings? What if he did find her again? Try for something resembling a normal relationship? Things would eventually fall apart around him. They always did. And then he’d hurt like hell.
He was hurting right now.
At least if he found her again, he’d get to spend the good times with her while it lasted, right?
“Sis, we’re in the media biz. Love and happiness, it’s all an illusion. Our job is to market happiness, but promote it in such a way that people always want more. We sell a fantasy. How do you know if you’re really in love?”
Miriam rolled her eyes. “You know what not being in love feels like, right? Do you feel like that?”
“No.” He didn’t have the strength to deny it any longer. It was time to face facts. Weeks had passed, and whatever trick passion played on his heart had not faded. Usually he forgot the woman as soon as they’d both said goodbye. He was in love with Ava.
A slight smile tugged at his lip. “What’s even more bizarre, I was actually happy with Ava.” He knew some people who, when they found their latest “love of their life,” became miserable and made everyone around them unhappy, too.
“What’s more, you’re not happy now without her,” Miriam pointed out.
He scrubbed a hand down his face. “You’re right, but you know how things are. How could I subject her to me? She’s really bett—”
“If you actually say something stupid like ‘she’s better off without me’ and you’re backing away to be good to her, I’m really going to scream.”
“Look at Mom, Dad. They probably passed along some personality trait that actually makes the person I love better off not being around me. They were bad enough as single entities, but combined together in my DNA…”
“The love-destruction gene? I don’t think so.” Miriam’s lips firmed. “I almost pushed away the best thing that’s ever come into my life because I was afraid I was too much like Dad, enjoying a trophy boy toy. You’re worried you’re like Mom. Are you using Ava to your own selfish advantage? Only being with her because of what she can give you before you move on?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Then what’s the problem? The fact that you’re willing to push her away, wrong though it is, proves you’re looking out for her best interest, and not being a jerk. And screw Mom and Dad as examples. If anything, I think we’re better candidates for marriage because we’ve witnessed firsthand all the things you can do wrong to ruin a relationship.”