"I thought that if I didn't bother you, if I kept away, it would be easier for you to leave," Javier said quietly.
"Easier? Why are you here, now, if you want it to be so much easier for me?"
"Because I don't really want you to go. Can't you understand? I'm selfish. I don't want to be, but I can't help it. I want to keep you with me even though I know you should be somewhere safer." There was a long pause and Kiram wanted to look at Javier but he didn't trust himself. It was too easy to be won over by him and he wasn't yet willing to relinquish his feeling of righteous outrage.
"I'm not making a lot of sense right now, I know that," Javier said. "But I came here to tell you that I'm sorry."
Kiram sighed, finally meeting Javier's eyes. There he saw the other man's exhaustion and vulnerability. He had not changed his clothes or slept. Blue shadows filled the hollows of his eyes-eyes that hunted for some sign of Kiram's forgiveness. At that moment, he had Javier completely at his mercy.
"It's all right." He let his hand brush against Javier's. The tips of their fingers touched and then parted. "And just so you know, I don't intend to leave."
Javier smiled his familiar, slow smile.
"Not just because of you," Kiram said but Javier's pleased expression didn't change.
"Of course not. We both know how much you love Holy Father Habalan's classes."
Kiram just rolled his eyes.
"I promised Fedeles that I would help him, and I happen to enjoy a good number of my classes," Kiram said primly.
"Yes, you do so love riding and fencing instruction."
"I adore my mathematics and natural science classes."
"It's all right to just admit that you like me, you know," Javier said softly.
Kiram's breath caught in his chest, but he still managed to say, "Yes, I do."
They passed a row of bakeries. The smells of fresh bread perfumed the cold air.
"I have enough money to pay your tuition, easily," Javier said in a thoughtful tone. "But there's still the problem of your family's consent. If you were just a half a year older…"
Kiram shrugged. Nothing but time was going to change his status as a minor. "We'll figure something out."
As they continued to walk through the wind, Kiram's thoughts turned over possible ways to elude Rafie. Not for the first or last time he pondered fleeing to a foreign land. That was futile fantasy, and he knew it. Neither he nor Javier could leave Fedeles to the mercy of the man on the hill and his creeping shadow curse.
Another thought occurred to Kiram, suddenly. "You were at the Laughing Dog this morning. When that.thing struck. I think it might have been hunting you." Rafie had said that it had been searching. But what if it hadn't been seeking Alizadeh or any of the Bahiim, what if it had been after Javier?
"What thing?" Javier asked.
"Did you notice that scorched circle in the flagstones near the stable?"
Javier arched a black brow. "Is this a trick question?"
"What? No. No, it's not. There was a circle-"
"I know there was a circle," Javier cut him off. "I made it. I got so frustrated and I thought I wouldn't ever see you again and I lost my grip on the white hell. It was just for a moment."
"You." Kiram stared at Javier, remembering Rafie's grim expression and his fear. "You did that?"
"It was just some stone." Javier shrugged. "I didn't harm anyone. I wouldn't have."
"I know. That's not what I meant…The Bahiim all around the Irabiim camp felt it when the white hell opened. I think you scared them pretty badly."
"The white hell scares most people, or at least the ones with any common sense." Javier gave Kiram a teasing glance.
"Superstition is not common sense," Kiram went on before Javier could get in a retort. "And that's not my point, in any case. I just realized that they didn't recognize the white hell. They didn't know what it was."
"Why would they? The Haldiim don't have hells."
Kiram frowned at this. They didn't believe in hells, but certainly they would have their own understanding of Javier's power. Kiram had his own theory that it was some link to a shajdi. Calixto's diary had hinted at the same thing. But Kiram had hoped that a Bahiim like Alizadeh would recognize the white hell and provide an explanation for it. Maybe he did but hadn't had time to explain it to Rafie. Maybe Rafie hadn't bothered to tell Kiram.
He wondered if he would ever be old enough that his uncle Rafie would take him into his confidences. Remembering last night's lecture he imagined it would be a long time coming.
"How's your arm?" Javier asked.
"Sore," Kiram admitted. "The stitches tore out yesterday."
"I thought that might have happened. You looked bad when you came out of the fencing circle."
"I didn't think you noticed," Kiram replied and a little of his old resentment briefly flared up.
"Of course I did. You were white as a sheet and glaring at me like it was my fault." Javier studied Kiram, and for just an instant he looked deeply sad and then he went on. "You ruined my concentration. I should have wiped the floor with my first opponent but my focus was a wreck. I kept trying to get a look at you without you seeing."
"You succeeded pretty well, I guess. Anyway you ripped through all of your fencing opponents."
"Not nearly as cleanly or as quickly as I should have." Javier smirked at Kiram. "You're going to ruin my reputation."
Kiram rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, next thing you know people will be saying that you read books."
"I do read books."
"Not nice books," Kiram replied. "They'll be saying you read stories about ducklings and apple blossoms. The Hellions will be saying that you've gone soft and have foresworn eating kittens entirely."
Javier smirked at this and then leaned close to Kiram and whispered, "Why would I touch any kind of pussy when I can have the taste of you in my mouth?"
Kiram felt heat roll through his entire body as he flushed. "I wasn't referring to ladies."
"Weren't you?"
Kiram hadn't meant the comment in that way, but now suddenly he realized that he should have. If he was going to stay with Javier, then he wanted some assurance of Javier's commitment to him in return.
A bellowed greeting from Elezar destroyed any possibility of such a conversation. Javier waved and both Elezar and Nestor hurried from the gates of the city stable to meet them.
"Cutting it close, aren't you? It's nearly first bell." Elezar grinned at Javier. "Why are you out wandering the streets when you should be inside, communing with that finicky horse of yours. I've got money on you, you know?"
"I've got money on me too." Javier didn't move away from Kiram but his stance shifted just slightly and Kiram could feel him distancing himself.
"For all three races?" Nestor asked.
"I expect to be in the top five for the short run. But Lunaluz won't take second to any other horse on either of the long runs. We could take those jumps in our sleep, we practiced them so many times." Javier spoke with such assurance that Kiram found himself feeling that he must be right.
The four of them joined the other students gathered inside the courtyard of the stable. Atreau and the other Hellions all informed Javier of the bets they'd placed on him. They slapped his back and issued absurd threats for his failure. Kiram watched them, saddened by the insight that this was the only way that these Cadeleonian men could offer him their affection.
Master Ignacio arrived and all of the students quickly arranged themselves in rows according to their years. As always Nestor stood beside Kiram.
"I noticed your uncle isn't here today," Nestor whispered hopefully.
"There was an incident at their lodgings and he had to stay in case someone needed a physician." Kiram was aware of how vague his reply was but Nestor accepted it without concern.
"So he hasn't changed his mind about taking you back?"