“That’s not good enough. How do you know I didn’t do it?”
“Because I’m telling you that you didn’t,” I replied, my voice moving perceptibly up in volume.
“You can’t know that!” she insisted, raising her voice as well.
“Yes, by the fucking Gods I can!” I declared harshly. “You didn’t do it, Felicity!”
She stared back at me for a moment then took in a deep breath and said with strained calm, “Because I really didn’t do it, or because you just refuse to believe that I did?”
“Both,” I told her, my voice now barely above a whisper.
She continued to stare at me for a long moment then slowly buried her face in her hands. I watched her shoulders rise and fall as again she tried to force herself to ground and center.
“Aye,” she finally said, looking back up at me. “Suppose you’re right? What about last night then? What I did to that man even after I came to. Explain that.”
“I already did.”
“No, you didn’t. I’m not talking about while I was blacked out. I’m talking about after,” she appealed. “Don’t you get it, Rowan? I was conscious of what I was doing, and I got off on it.”
“Did you?”
“Yes,” she returned. “I can’t believe I’m standing here saying this, but yes. I had an absolutely incredible orgasm.”
“That’s not what I’m asking. I mean did you really get off on what you did to him?”
She gave her head a confused shake. “I just told you I did.”
“If you really did, then why did you pick up his phone and call me?”
She stared at me a moment then said, “I was scared.”
“I know.”
“But…”
I stopped her before she could finish voicing her objection. “But nothing, honey. Look, I know that you’re actually into the dominant role-play thing, and I’m sure that in some way that fact helped fuel what was happening to you. But tell me the truth. Have you ever seriously entertained the idea of physically hurting me and gotten aroused by it?”
“Yes.”
“I mean before the other day.”
“Yes,” she repeated in a deadly serious tone, nodding vigorously to punctuate the word. “I’ve actually fantasized about dominating you.”
I was slightly taken aback but not overly surprised by her candid answer. Given what I had learned about her a few days prior, I should have expected it. Still, I tried my best not to betray the fact that I was a bit ruffled. Some glimmer of an expression must have passed across my face, however, because she suddenly rushed to explain.
“Yes, I’ve wanted to play,” she said. “And, I’ve even hinted at it a few times. I just never had the courage to come right out and ask if you would be interested in experimenting that way. I… I didn’t want you to… to…”
“To what? Think you were strange?”
“No. I didn’t want you to stop loving me.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“So you still don’t think it was all me? Even after what I just told you?”
“No, I don’t, but if you still need convincing, let me re-phrase the question. You just said play. You even stressed the word. So, have you ever entertained the idea of taking it beyond a game? Of hurting me so badly that I ended up in the hospital?”
“No…” she said, shaking her head. “Of course not. I would never…”
“Well, that’s exactly where you put that man last night.”
“But, I love you,” she countered. “Maybe I was capable of hurting him that badly because I don’t have any feelings for him.”
“Emotional attachment or not, I don’t believe that the Felicity Caitlin O’Brien I married is capable of that level of malice.”
“Maybe I’m not her anymore.”
“Yes, you are. You weren’t last night, but you are now, and I’m going to prove it.”
“How?”
“I don’t know yet,” I said, stepping toward her again, and this time she didn’t shy away. “Look, I’m nowhere near knowledgeable enough about Voodoo to tell you for sure what happened to you yesterday, or more importantly, why. What I do know, however, is that either you were possessed by someone, or you were seriously channeling someone… There’s no doubt in my mind about that…
“And, just so you know, no matter how dominant you think you are, the person who was controlling your body yesterday makes Felicity O’Brien look like Little Red Riding Hood.”
She allowed herself a half-hearted smile then shook her head. “I’m still scared.”
“I know.”
“So… What is going to happen now?”
“Constance didn’t tell you?” I asked.
“Not really.”
“Well, she’s falling on her sword for you.”
“How so?”
“She’s convinced her superiors to clean your slate and give her a reprimand.”
“How did she manage that?”
“I have no idea.”
“Aye, but she didn’t do anything wrong.”
“No, she didn’t.”
Felicity simply sighed and fell against me once again. I slipped my arms around her as she quietly rested her head on my shoulder. She didn’t resume her sobbing, and I took that as a good sign. But, I could easily feel her confusion and fear flowing into me, prickling my skin with a cold wave of gooseflesh.
I stroked her hair as I gently rocked her. After a comfortable silence I said, “If I understood Constance correctly, they should be letting you out of here soon. Then we can go home.”
“And then?”
“And then I figure out what’s going on and why it’s happening to you.”
She didn’t answer me right away, but when she did her voice was a pleading whisper. “Make it stop, Rowan… Please…”
“I’m trying” was all I could think of to say.
Friday, November 18
1:27 P.M.
Saint Louis, Missouri
CHAPTER 38:
My head was killing me, and the aspirin I had taken earlier hadn’t even fazed the pain. I knew full well that generally meant there was something more to it than simple brain chemistry or inflamed sinuses. However, I had been putting in far more hours than usual in front of my computer, so it was more than likely eyestrain. At least, that was what I was telling myself.
Ever since bringing Felicity back home just over a week ago, researching Voodoo, as well as its related offshoots and similar religions, had become a near obsession for me. Every waking moment I had free from my business or other daily chores, I spent reading, surfing the net, or even making calls in an attempt to track down information.
It was really all that I could do. I wasn’t being brought into the investigation any longer, and the last time I had spoken to Ben had been at his father’s funeral. Even then the conversation was clipped and stiff. I’d also heard nothing more about the physical evidence that had been mentioned. I wasn’t sure whether to be worried about that or simply consider it a blessing.
Still, I felt I had to do something, and finding out all I could about Voodoo seemed to be the best use of my time. Maybe I could find something that would help track down the actual killer. Unfortunately, while I was now armed with far more knowledge on the subject than I had been several days prior, or had ever wanted to know for that matter, I was just becoming more and more confused.
Certain questions were answered, of course, such as the heretofore-unrealized significance behind the murder of Officer Hobbes. I didn’t actually make the connection right away. Not until I read an in-depth chapter pertaining to Ezili Danto in one of the many books I had obtained. I discovered that this particular Lwa tended to demand of her followers the sacrifice of a black pig. I also found out that such an animal was rare here in the U.S. and was native to Haiti-a bit of trivia I hadn’t known. Suddenly, the choice of Officer Hobbes as a victim made sense, especially for a serial killer who was twisting the religion to fit her purpose. Granted, it was a convoluted and sick kind of sense, but it made sense all the same.
I had also managed very easily to verify my identification of the Papa Legba veve, as well as corroborate the sketchy information given me by the paramedic. The third veve, however, remained slightly elusive. I had been fruitless in my quest to pin it on any widely known Lwa, so I had to assume that it really did signify a personal ancestor or guiding spirit of sorts. Since the offerings left for it were perfume and lipstick, it was a good bet that said spirit was also female. I wasn’t terribly surprised.