I quickly type a text back to my brother. “Rain check on tonight. Something came up.”
†
That email stays on my mind over the next few days. I’ve sent several messages to C7pher but he hasn’t replied to any of them. Did I do something to piss him off? Or maybe he’s worried about the money aspect? Does he think that because I’m funding the school that he’ll be obligated to put up the same amount? Maybe I wasn’t clear in my original proposal.
Whether I’m working or hanging out at the bakery, the whys and hows of it are all I can think about. Then it hits me how insane it is that one word from someone can mess with my mind this much.
Maybe my mom is right. Having this level of attachment to someone without knowing who they really are is unhealthy. But knowing that doesn’t change the reality of the loss. For years C7pher has been the person I confided in, commiserated with and relied on for advice. My mom tries, she really does, but it’s hard for her to talk about my work when she doesn’t really understand what I do. Cypher filled a gap in my life that I hadn’t even realized was there until he was gone.
We don’t even know each other’s real names. He only knows me as DarkAngel, the persona I created as a kid. But he’s taught me so much and without ever asking for anything in return. If it had just been a No to working on the school with me, I could have accepted it. But as days have passed and there’s been no further response from him, I’ve come to accept what that No really means.
It’s a no to our friendship.
Cypher has dropped out of my life as surely as if he never existed. And as much as it kills my ego to admit it, he’s one of the few hackers I’ve met who’s better than I am. If he doesn’t want to be found, there’s nothing I can do about it.
Several days later, I’m working on building the framework for a new suite of security software I’m developing when someone slides into the booth across from me. I look up into my oldest brother’s stark face.
For so many years, I was the outsider in my family. The product of my mom’s failed marriage to a man who didn’t care enough to stick around long enough to meet me. My mom’s family is pretty old school. So finding out that my mom had a shotgun wedding to some random white guy during a time when interracial marriage just wasn’t done was a shock. My grandpop didn’t speak to her for a long time and I know that hurt her a lot. I can’t help but feel that I was a constant reminder of her mistake. The pale child that didn’t fit in with the rest of the clan.
When I met Tank, it was a shock to realize that I look kind of like him. Well, I look like him minus the scary badass part.
“What are you doing here?”
Tank shrugs and then picks up the menu card pushed to the end of the table and studies it. “Emma’s freaking out because the guy she hired to create our wedding website screwed it up and it’s not working. She was hoping that you might be able to fix it.”
“Sure. Although I have to warn you that I have no talent with websites. The ones I build are functional but not exactly fancy.”
“That’s better than one that redirects to a porn site.”
I choke back a laugh. “Yikes. Are you sure the site is broken or is the guy just pissed off?”
He makes a face. “I may have threatened him. He was a little too friendly with Emma.”
“Ah, now I see. It’s probably best if I just build you a new one. But you could have just emailed me for that.”
Suddenly he won’t meet my eyes and is super interested in the menu card he’s been pushing around. “I was in the neighborhood.”
As many times as he’s been here, I’m sure he’s got the menu memorized by now and Tank lives nowhere near here. I look over my shoulder and notice my mom watching us. When she sees me looking, she gets really busy wiping down the counter.
“My mom called you, didn’t she?”
“Yeah. Pretty much. Plus, I wasn’t going to turn down free pie.”
“Who said something about pie?” Finn appears at the edge of the table and sits next to Tank, stretching his bad leg out. He props his cane against the wall of the booth. Finn’s hair is lighter and he doesn’t have a nose that looks like it’s been broken multiple times but you can definitely tell they’re brothers.
“You guys act like crack addicts with the food here. You might as well just insert an IV and mainline it.”
Tank chuckles. “If that was an option, I think Finn would take it.”
Finn makes a face. “Hey, I regret nothing.”
It’s become something of a tradition to give my brothers a hard time when they come and check on me. I spent months trying to avoid them, wanting nothing to do with my absentee father or his other sons but they just wouldn’t leave me alone. Now I’m forced to admit that I’m glad they didn’t give up on me. After a lifetime of feeling like an outsider in my own family, it’s kind of nice to have that connection. Not that I would ever tell them that.
Tank’s dark eyes swing back to me. “So, what the hell is wrong with you?”
“Nothing is wrong with me. My mom just worries.”
“Is it a girl?”
I miss a key typing and insert a line of nonsense into the code I’m working on. “Fuck. No, it’s not a girl.”
Finn starts playing with the sugar packets on the table. “It’s cool if it’s a guy. You could tell us.”
I snort out a laugh. “Sorry to disappoint you but there’s nothing interesting going on. There’s no scandalous love drama to entertain you.” I falter, unsure of how much more to say. It’s difficult to explain the dynamics of online relationships to most people. They just don’t get it.
“It’s just that someone I thought was a friend … turned out not to be. I’ll be fine.”
Finn nods. “We just wanted to check on you. But we’ll leave if you’d rather be alone.”
I can see in his face that he means it. They’ll leave me to wallow in my funky mood if I ask them to. Brotherly concern is still an unfamiliar experience but one I’m starting to find I need more and more.
I look out the window, a little uncomfortable at the sudden serious turn of the conversation. My eyes are drawn to a spot across the street. A girl is standing in the middle of the sidewalk staring right at me. She’s completely still, nothing moving on her except for her hair as it blows gently in the wind. People move around her, almost as if she’s a part of the landscape.
She’s wearing all black and the dark wave of her hair against her pale skin is extremely striking. My heart speeds up and I lean forward trying to see better. There are people around her yet she seems completely, heartbreakingly alone. Like a lost angel. There’s also something familiar about her, like a word that’s on the tip of my tongue. I feel it through every cell of my being. I know this girl.
But I’ve never seen her before, I’m sure of it.
Finn raps on the table and I turn toward the sound of the noise. He and Tank are both watching me expectantly.
“Luke? You okay?”
Frantically, I turn back to the window. She’s gone. My eyes scan the street outside and the sidewalk across the street. It’s still raining and the few pedestrians outside are covered in rain ponchos and huddled under umbrellas. But there’s no one in all black.
No angels with haunted eyes.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” But my eyes go back to that spot on the sidewalk.
I’m not sure why I felt such a sense of foreboding when I saw that girl but it took me off guard. If I even saw a girl. I rub my eyes. The project I’ve been working on this past month has kept me up late. I’m more than likely just seeing things. I shake it off. She’s probably a character in one of the RPG games I play sometimes. Because how many people just stand in the rain without moving like that?