"I see," Big Julie nods, sippin' thoughtfully at his wine. "To tell you the truth, it never occurred to me that the king's dyin' was a little too convenient to be accidental. I'm a little surprised, though, that Skeeve isn't checkin' this out himself. Nothin' personal, but he never used to be too good at delegatin'."
"He's busy," Massha sez, cuttin' it short like a casino pit boss.
Tananda shoots her a look then leans forward, puttin' a comfortin' hand on her knee.
"He'll be all right, Massha. Really."
Massha makes a face, then heaves one of her big sighs.
"I know. I'd just feel a lot better if he let a couple of us tag along, is all. I mean, that is Perv he's wandering around in. They've never been noted for their hospitality."
"Perv?" Big Julie scowls. "Isn't that where that weirdo Aahz is from?"
"Where he's from, and where he's gone," Chumley supplies. "He and Skeeve had a falling out, and friend Aahz has quit the team. Skeeve has gone after him to try to bring him back... which leaves us to deal with Queen Hemlock. So tell us, Jules, what's the old girl been up to lately?"
"Well, I'll admit there's been a lot of activity since the king died," Julie admits. "The army's been on the move almost constantly, and both they and the kingdom are getting noticeably bigger... know what I mean? It's kinda like the old days when I was running the army, only on a bigger scale. I get a postcard from one of the boys sayin' how they're visitin' a new country, than ga-bing-ga-bang that country's suddenly a new part of Possiltum."
"I see," the troll sez thoughtfully. "Well, what do you think, little sister? You're the only one here who was along the last time Skeeve stopped this particular army."
"Not quite. You're forgetting that Gleep was there... and, of course, Big Julie."
She winks at that notable who responds with a gracious half bow. Gleep, the Boss's dragon, raises his head and looks around at the mention of his name, then sighs and goes back to sleep.
"'Course, I was on the other side last time," Big Julie sez, "but it occurs to me that you got your work cut out for you this time around."
"How so?"
"Well, last time we was the invaders, you know? The locals didn't like us, even though they didn't take much of a hand in the resistance Skeeve organized. This time, though, the army is the home team, and folks in the kingdom are pretty much behind 'em all the way."
"You mean the kingdomers are in favor of the queen's new expansion moves?" Tananda frowns.
"That's right," Big Julie nods, "and when you think about it, it stands to reason. The bigger the kingdom gets, the more people there are to share the cost, so the taxes get smaller. With their taxes goin' down with each new conquest, the citizens are positively ecstatic about the way things are going. If that weren't enough, unemployment is at an all time low what with so many goin' into the army, so pay scales are sky high."
"So Hemlock's running a popular war, eh?" Tananda sez, pursing her lips thoughtfully. "Maybe that's the route for us to go. What do you think, big brother?"
This last she directs at Chumley, who just shrugs.
"I suppose it's as good a place as any to start. Something about that analysis of the tax structure bothers me, though."
I tended to agree with Chumley, but Tananda is on a roll.
"Save it for the financial heavyweights," she waves. "For the time being, let's focus on doing what we're good at."
"And just what do you figure that is?" Massha interrupts. "Excuse me, but could you two run that by again slowly for the benefit of those of us who aren't used to your brother/sister shorthand?"
"Well, the way I see it, our best bet is to work on making Hemlock's expansion program unpopular. I mean, there's not much the five of us can do about stopping the army by ourselves, but if we can get the populace worked up maybe the queen will have to reconsider ... or at least slow down."
"We could try to kill her," Massha sez pointedly. "True," Tananda acknowledges, "and don't think I haven't given that option some serious thought. I think it's a little more drastic than Skeeve had in mind when he sent us on this mission, though. Anyway, I think I'd like to hold that option in reserve for now, or at least until Skeeve catches up with us and we have a chance to clear it with him."
"Well, if you don't mind, there's another possibility I'd like to try."
"What's that, Massha?"
"Tell me, Big Julie, is General Badaxe still running the army?"
"Hugh? Sure is. He's a fast learner, that one. Remembers mostly everything I've taught him about runnin' an army."
"Well," Massha sez, heaving herself to her feet, "I think I'll just wander off and try to find his headquarters. He had quite a thing for me the last time I was through. Maybe if I look him up again, I can get his mind off running the army for a while, or at least distract him enough that they won't be quite so efficient."
"I say, that's a good idea, Massha," Chumley sez. "Speaking of the army, Guide, do you think you and Nunzio can manage to sign up for a hitch? Remembering how you stirred things up at the Acme magik factory by getting the workers to unionize, you're the logical choice for demoralizing the troops, and that's best done from the inside."
"Yeah, sure," I sez with a shrug. "Why not?"
"Are you okay, Guido?" Tananda asks, peering at me sudden-like. "You and Nunzio have been awfully quiet since we started out on this venture."
"We're all right," Nunzio puts in quick. "We're just a little worried about the Boss... like Massha. Joinin' the army is fine by us, if you think it will help things. Right, Guido?"
"I said it was okay, didn't I?" I snaps back at him.
"So what are you and Chumley going to be doin' while we're playing solider?" Nunzio sez. It is obvious to me that he is out to divert the attention of the meetin' away from the two of us, but no one else seems to notice... except maybe Big Julie who gives me the hairy eyeball for a minute before turnin' his attention back to the conversation.
"We're going to see what we can do about stirring up the citizens," Tananda shrugs. "Tax reductions are nice, but there are bound to be some irritating things about life under Hemlock's new programs. All we have to do is root them out and be sure that folks see them as irritating."
"Do you blokes want Gleep, or shall we take him?" Chumley asked.
"Gleep?" sez the dragon, raisin' his head again.
"Aahh... why don't you and Tananda take him," Nunzio sez quick-like. "Truth to tell, he made me a little nervous the last time we was workin' together."
"Who? Gleep?" Tananda sez, reaching over to pet the dragon. "There's nothing to be nervous about with him. He's just a big sweetie and a snugglebug... aren't you, fellow?"
"Gleep!" the dragon sez again innocently while leanin' against Tananda.
"Good. Then you won't mind havin' him with you," Nunzio smiles. "That's settled."
"I suppose," Chumley sez absently, studyin' the dragon as he talks. "Well, I guess we might as well get started. Big Julie, do you mind if we relay messages to each other through you? Otherwise we're going to have trouble keeping track of things."
"No problem," the retired general shrugged. "To tell the truth, I figure you're all going to have enough on your hands, so you shouldn't be worrying about communications. I'll be here."
After sayin' our goodbyes to the others, Nunzio and I head off to try to find a recruiter for the army.
For a long time, neither of us sez anything. Finally, Nunzio clears his throat.
"Well, what do you think?"
"I think we got big trouble comin' our way," I sez, tight-lipped, "and I don't mean with communications or even with Queen Hemlock."
"I know what you mean," Nunzio sighs, not lookin' around as he trudges along. "You want to talk about it?"