He took them from my and placed them around my neck. They looked lovely.
“Thank you. I will treasure them for ever,” I said, and he kissed me.
“How I would rather give you diamonds. But alas, I am but a poor soldier.”
I gave him my gift to him, in a small box.
He unwrapped it and gasped. It was a half hunter gold pocket watch. It had taken all my savings, and the leaf was inscribed.
To Roger, my one and only love,
from Jane,
His devoted wife.
To my surprise he started to cry.
“This must have cost you the earth,” he said.
“You are worth it, my love. After all without you, money is worthless.”
He then surprised me, as he started to laugh.
“I pawned my watch to buy you these pearls, and you buy me a finer watch with all the money you have in the world. How romantic can you get?”
We hugged each other, and Katie’s return interrupted us.
I gave her a doll, which I had purchased, and made a very pretty dress. She gave me a bottle of lavender water. For her father she produced a handkerchief on which she had embroidered his name.
We sat down to an early supper, the epitome of a happy family.
January saw chaos reign at our house. Roger asked nearly one hundred and fifty people to the wedding. I asked none. It became apparent just how alone I was in the world, and I’m sure it caused some talk amongst the worthies of Abingdon. However, such were the impact of the various campaigns; many families were decimated by the deaths of their men-folk.
We opened the large hall at the manor. It was so huge that it remained sealed for most of the winter, as it was a nightmare to keep warm.
Roger hired extra staff, and I helped supervise the preparations. I made many arrangements using dried flowers, which I had painted to give a wealth of colour. The night before the wedding, Roger and I remained apart, and I missed him dreadfully.
Time flew past, until suddenly I was standing at the door of the church, wearing a wonderful dress of white satin and lace, with a veil and train. Two of Roger’s nephews held the train, and with Katie by my side, I was holding the arm of Colonel Reginald Percy, Roger’s commanding officer. There were uniforms everywhere, and women in their finest frocks, despite the snow on the ground, and sub-zero temperatures in the church.
Roger stood at the alter rail, looking resplendent in his Dragoon uniform. His friend, Captain Mark Hatcher, was his best man, and this was the first time I had set eyes on him. He had only returned from France a few days before.
It was so cold, I could see my breath, but the verger had lit charcoal braziers every few yards in the church, and with the two hundred people, it was soon warmer.
I remember very little about the service, except for the horrendous pause at the point the vicar asked if anyone knew of any reason we should not be wed.
Fortunately, no one came forward, so I made my vows, as did my husband. Roger placed the ring on my finger, and then kissed me. I was married.
We signed the register, I was so cold, that my hand shook, and the inkwell had to be held over a candle to melt the frozen ink.
We left the church and mounted an open carriage that took us the short distance to the Manor. By the time we arrived, I was blue and in the final stages of hypothermia. I hated to think what I should have been like if my body had not been able to withstand low temperatures.
Roger had to carry me into the house, as I pretended to be almost too frozen to walk.
Groves, bless him, had all the fires going, and he immediately handed me an enormous brandy, which I gulped down in a very unladylike fashion. The warmth from the brandy flowed like a fire in my belly, so I felt better already.
“Welcome home, my darling wife,” Roger said.
“I am so pleased to be here, my darling husband,” I said, and we kissed. I felt the passion behind the kiss, and knew that I wanted to take him to bed that moment. However, the guests started to arrive, so we had to curb our passion.
Katie came bounding over and flung her arms around me.
“Mama. There, I can call you that now! You are so beautiful. I want to be just like you when I grow up.”
I hugged the little girl, and wept inside for the children I knew I could never bear.
In the end, nearly two hundred people were squeezed into the hall, and fine food and wine flowed all day. Speeches were made, and toasts drunk. I was on cloud nine, as it was the most perfect day. Even my sister-in-law Maud was almost nice to me, and I know that took a lot of doing.
Finally, all the guests had departed, and the house was quiet. The servants had tidied up, and the children were in bed, fast asleep. They had gone beyond tired.
Roger carried me into his bedroom and undressed me on the bed. I lay there as he undressed, covered with a huge eiderdown. He then came to me and made me his wife in truth.
Our lovemaking was so tender, so slow and loving, that it hurt. We took each other to new heights of pleasure and love that night, and I wanted to bear him a child so much that I cried in anguish.
I held him all night, and we lost count of how often we made love. I rose at seven, leaving him asleep, and made him some breakfast, which I took to him in bed. We ate our breakfast, and made love amongst the crumbs.
“Jane, my love. I am so happy. I am so sorry that we cannot take a honeymoon yet.”
“I am happy wherever you are. I just want you to love me and hold me,” I said, and we snuggled under the covers together.
We made love all day, appearing at supper, and then going back to bed again. I hoped that if we fucked enough, one of his sperm might win though and I would conceive.
However, it was not to be, for a few days later, I bled again, and was depressed as a result.
Life became normal once more, and as Mrs Jane de Lambert, I was now a respectable married woman of some standing in the community. I began to be invited to other ladies’ homes for tea and the occasional luncheon. I still taught Katie, and started teaching William, but knew that Katie was ready for school. At this time, few schools existed for girls, so I knew that I would have to do the best I could.
Then, one Friday, Roger dropped his bombshell. He had been quiet all day, ever since receiving a letter, and I guessed that his regiment had recalled him.
I was right. Roger was to head for France, so would be gone by the end of the week.
Katie had seen it before, but the last time he had gone, her Mama had died, and her father had returned wounded. She became very quiet and tearful, while William was blissfully unaware of what was happening.
That week we spent most nights awake, talking and making love. He asked me if I wanted children, and I told him, truthfully, with all my heart.
He said that he would love more children, but didn’t know if we could afford them.
“I have William’s name down for Eton. It is not cheap.”
“We will manage,” I said.
Finally, he was gone, and I was alone. The house seemed empty, but I could smell him in our room. I would spend the evenings in his study, smelling his cologne and feeling his presence. I missed him awfully.
Money was tight, but sufficient for our limited needs. I began to take my task seriously, so actively started to seek out the unusual. I trolled the newspapers, listened to gossip and tried as hard as I could to find anything out of the ordinary; there was nothing that caught my eye.
By March, spring was on its way, and it was warming up. I was very grateful, as I never thought I would be warm again.
The only intelligence I had was the Royce Rooms. These were very old assembly rooms, which had been a school since the twelfth century. Thus, in the spring of 1814, the townsfolk frequently used them for classes and meetings. I took to going on walks around the town with Katie, passing the rooms at least once a day. On one such morning, it was lightly raining, so I wore a cloak and hood, as did my ward. As we made our way home, a man came round the corner, bumping into me. Now, I am fairly substantial, but such was his haste, he almost knocked me off my feet.