Merrick
Leaning against my car, I continue to stare aimlessly down the empty dirt road that for miles is only home to Aunt Kelli's house, the McCoy junk yard, and random wild animals.
Wanna learn how to handle a car? Try avoiding wild life on a dark road at top speeds. Added challenge? Try avoiding it while getting a hand job.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. Under the assumption Jovi and Hayli probably got lost, I pull it out.
T.D.: Delivery status?
I stare at the two words on the screen.
If I say sitting at the police impound waiting to be stripped and violated how long do you think it would take him to find me?
“Hey,” Knox's voice causes me to dismiss the message and put it back in my pocket.
Later. I'll fucking deal with it later. Can't make the situation any worse delaying my response a couple hours.
Tilting my head at her I reply, “Hey.”
She leans against my car beside me. “How you holdin' up?”
I shrug and return my eyes back down the road.
“You know you can talk to me.”
“About?”
“About what you're going through.”
“He's dead, Knox.” Having to say it hurts just as much as the reality that it's now a fact. “What's there to say?”
Bluntly she remarks, “The fact you blame yourself.”
Pressing my lips tightly together, I shove my hands in my jean pockets.
“Madden blames himself too.”
“Madden blames himself for everything,” I mumble under my breath.
“He blames himself for a lot,” she agrees in a hushed tone. “But he shouldn't. And you shouldn't. Ben didn't die because you did anything wrong.”
I drop my face and close my eyes. “I should've been with him that night, Knox.”
“So we could add to this death count? No thank you.”
She didn't even try to be sensitive there did she?
“Look, Merrick, even if you would've gone out with him that night, he still would've went home with that girl. He still would've been fleeing from her house. He still would've ended up on that road.”
Lifting my eyes to her I ask, “So you're saying fate killed him?”
“I'm saying, it doesn't matter how you try to rewrite history in your head. It's not gonna help. Only thing you can do now is, swallow your pain, remember the good times, and move on with your life.” The harshness cuts at the same time it kicks the need for self-repairs into gear. “The world doesn't stop moving because you want it to any more than it rewinds because you asked it to. We live. We die. Make the time in between count for something. Ben did.”
Her words echo in my mind as Hayli's car is spotted arriving.
Make the time in between count for something...Fuck. She's right. And Ben did. Ben absolutely did.
Slowly, I approach the vehicle tugging at the tie around my neck.
Other than going to court, I don't understand the necessity for ties.
As soon as Jovi exits the car, a little bit of sanity returns to me.
I love that about her.
She shakes her head at me. “Leave your tie alone.”
“I don't like ties.”
“Ben liked ties,” Hayli pipes in slamming her door shut. “He liked to have a girl lead him around by it like a dog.”
Jovi's face scrunches in disgust. “Why do you know that?”
“You'd be surprised what two people talk about over shoes and Starbucks.”
Surprised at the information I ask, “Ben had a thing for Starbucks?”
“That's what you question?” Jovi loops her arm through mine. “Not the shoes.”
“Nah. He had a thing for feet.”
Let's not talk about it. I didn't even wanna talk about it with him. He had his quirks. We all do. However, I will admit, the dog leash thing was news to me.
Hayli poses showing off a pair of leopard print stilettos. “He picked these out.”
Tacky, but totally Ben.
The thought makes me softly smile. Hayli pulls her red hair to one side of her face before she folds her hands in front of her black dress covered body. “I'm sorry for your loss, Merrick.”
With a slow nod, I reply, “And I'm sorry for yours.”
Silence fills the air for only a moment thanks to Knox's yelling about moving our asses. The three of us quickly head towards the one story white brick house. On the outside it doesn't look like much. Weeds sprouting from various corners. Dented two car garage door.
It's where Uncle D taught Triple D all about motorcycles. The dent is from letting Daniel try to drive a crotch rocket at 13.
There's a large window beside by the freshly painted white front door that has a hole from Ben's inability to pitch a ball.
This house is covered in memories. It sucks Ben's about to be one more.
Inside I lead the two girls past what should've been the formal dining room but was typically a play area for us, past the small living room that's connected to the open kitchen, and out the sliding back door. We cross the dead grass filled back yard, my eyes roaming at the old tire swing.
Ben fell off that often. Well, Triple D pushed him off of that often. He never learned it wasn't a good idea to mess with them. Not even as adults.
“McCoy Junkyard,” Jovi reads, slight shock in her voice as we reach the fenced in land that's beside Aunt Kelli's house.
You're probably wondering why we didn't just hit the junkyard directly. It's simple. I'm prolonging having to bury my cousin as long as fucking possible.
“I didn't know you guys had a junk yard too.”
“Uncle D had this. Dad had the shop. Not the shop we have now, but a shop. He wanted Ben to run this someday,” I say strolling past the stacked tires at the entrance. “That was not something that ever crossed Ben's mind.”
“Who runs it now?”
“Technically Madden.” Looking around at the old car parts most people would consider crap, I feel a small twinge in my chest knowing Uncle D always saw potential in things people thought were worthless.
Maybe that's why Ben turned out to be as awesome as he was. Uncle D saw how great he could be even through all the trouble he caused. Is it weird to have to say was? Fuck...It feels weird. Weird and wrong.
“Doesn't get much business day to day. When it does though, Aunt Kelli deals with it.”
Jovi nods and we continue on, until towards the very back corner, where a gravel path leads us over to a special area on the property behind the junkyard. An area I hate to be in. An area I didn't think I'd be back in again any time soon.
Damn sure not for this reason.
There's a soft gasp from beside me. “Is that...is that-”
“Yeah,” I answer so she doesn't have to finish the sentence.
Under a large shaded area created by two trees there are two rows of tombstones. Dad and Uncle D's are beside each other's while my mom's is behind my dad's. Jovi curls her body into me. Her arm slides around my side holding us together.
I needed that extra support.
Gathered around the grim area are my brothers, all dressed in jeans, black shirts and ties along with Knox, Aunt Kelli, Vinnie, Shelby, and Krissy. Ben's whole family. My whole family.
And of course yours. You're family now.
Without more than a nod my direction, Madden lifts the shovel he had been clutching and starts to dig into the ground. In silence we all watch him scoop out chunk after chunk of dirt to clear space for my best friend's remains. Each stab into the ground feels as if it's breaking the dangling delicate pieces of my psyche that are left. Knox's advice, Jovi's support, Hayli's condolences suddenly all feel meaningless again. Emptier than the space Madden is effortlessly creating.