I’m in love with Callie Carpenter.
It’s always been there, under the surface. I’ve always-you know, loved her.
You know. Like a friend. And always thought of her as an amazing, unattainable sexual being. She’s still that, of course. I mean, nothing’s really changed regarding our relationship. Callie’s still my best friend and trusted co-worker. And yes, she’s an unrivaled sexual being. And she’s unattainable as well, due to the fact she isn’t interested in men.
So what’s different?
The only thing different is what I just realized.
I love her!
I’ll keep it from her, of course. Because if I ever said it in her presence, she’d howl with laughter.
And yet…I do love her.
I love Callie.
…And wish I didn’t.
41
WHEN MIRANDA AND I finally make it to Callie’s condo, I do everything Callie recommended, except that when Miranda’s not looking, I try to make eye contact with Callie.
But all night Callie refuses to look into my eyes.
Except once.
It happens after we finish the bottle of wine I brought to the condo a few weeks ago. We’re sitting in Callie’s den, and the conversation has hit a mellow stopping point.
Gwen takes advantage of the silence to ask Miranda, “When you’re fucking, and Creed’s on top, does it feel like old age is creeping up on you?”
Callie says, “I’m sorry, Miranda-”
But Miranda waves her off and addresses Gwen saying, “When Donovan honors me with sex, he’s the only man in the world. It may sound corny to you, Gwen, but he’s my treasure, and I love our time together. When my phone rings and I see it’s him on the line, I feel like the luckiest woman who ever lived.”
That’s when Callie looks me in the eyes.
To underscore the fact Miranda defended me.
Callie says, “Miranda, I can see why Donovan is so attracted to you. You’re beautiful, brilliant, classy, and everything else he bragged about when describing you to me earlier.”
“Oh really?” Gwen says, her voice rising in anger. “Then why don’t you fuck her!” She gets to her feet and stomps to the bedroom, and slams the door behind her.
“I should apologize for my roommate,” Callie says. “She’s had a bit too much to drink.”
Miranda says, “Don’t apologize. It can’t be easy having a whore in the house. Please tell Gwen I think she’s beautiful, and has a great sense of style.”
Callie laughs. “You’re amazing!”
“I told you Miranda was one of a kind!” I say.
Callie says, “I agree. But Miranda?”
“Yes?”
“Is there anything you’d like me to pass along to Gwen with regard to her manners?”
“Tell her I think she’s funny,” Miranda says. “And tell her I like her.”
Callie says, “You don’t have to be so sweet. Gwen’s temporary.”
Miranda raises an eyebrow. “You’ve got someone else in mind?”
Callie lowers her voice and whispers, “Dani Ripper.”
“Oh, wow! You know her? Wow!”
Callie says, “We haven’t met, but Dani’s husband just died. We saw it on TV tonight.”
Miranda says, “Seriously? God, that’s tough. She’s had a rough life, hasn’t she?”
Callie says, “Until now, she has. But this is perfect timing! I’ll put a smile on her face.”
Miranda forces her own little smile, and says, “Should you give her time to grieve first?”
I say, “Callie’s a pro at dating the recently widowed.”
Miranda says, “There’s a story here!”
Callie says, “I began dating Gwen the night her husband was murdered.”
Miranda looks at me, unsure how to respond.
Callie laughs and gets to her feet. She says, “We should call it a night. Miranda, go easy on Donovan tonight. He’s very fragile.”
“No way!” Miranda says, laughing.
Callie says, “Donovan, she’s charming.”
“Thanks,” I say.
Callie hugs Miranda.
I reach to hug Callie goodbye, but she takes a step back.
I give her a curious look.
She holds the door open and says, “Have a great time, both of you.”
We walk out, and she closes it behind us.
On the way back to the hotel I say, “What did you think of the girls?”
“Are you asking for my general observations or a professional assessment?”
“Both.”
“They’re the two most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in the same room. Callie holds the power in their relationship. Gwen has anger issues, but Callie’s anger is off the charts.”
“You think?”
“If I were Gwen, I’d get the hell away from Callie, and fast. She’s the sort of person who appears capable of killing without remorse.”
She looks at me and says, “Oh, shit.”
“What?”
“These are your friends. I’m saying bad things about them. I’m sorry.”
“No, seriously. Don’t hold back. I want to know.”
“Callie’s anger toward Gwen tells me she knows about the affair.”
“What affair?”
She looks at me again. “The affair between you and Gwen.”
“What?”
“I’m wrong about that?”
“No. But how did you know? Gwen made nasty comments about me all night!”
“Gwen attacks you in front of Callie to prove she’s not interested in you. But those comments infuriate Callie.”
“I don’t see that at all.”
Miranda smiles. “No, you wouldn’t. But trust me. Every time Gwen looked in your direction, Callie bristled.
“Callie’s very possessive. It hurt her when Gwen cheated.”
Miranda shakes her head. “It hurt her to see you and me so happy tonight, too.”
“It did? Why?”
She laughs. “You must be the most naïve guy on the planet.”
“Why?”
“Callie’s in love with you.”
“What? That’s crazy. She likes women, not men.”
“If Callie put a sign around her neck saying I Love Creed! it couldn’t be more obvious.”
“That doesn’t make sense. She wouldn’t even hug me goodbye tonight. Not to mention I’ve tried to put the moves on her a thousand times!”
Miranda howls with laughter. When I ask her what’s so funny, she laughs harder, and laughs all the way back to the hotel.
She finally says, “Please. No more. I can’t take it. My sides are hurting.”
I still don’t know what the hell is so funny. Or why Callie wouldn’t hug me tonight.
42
“WE’RE GOING GAMBLING?” Miranda says. “At this hour?”
It’s early morning. Although Bob Koltech is waiting at General Aviation to fly us to Highland, Illinois, I suddenly ask the limo driver to swing by Caesers Palace for a few minutes, causing Miranda to wonder if I’ve been hit by the gambling bug.
I hold up my phone and say, “I just got a text message from Kimberly. She and her boyfriend broke up last night, and she spent the night at Caesers.”
“Well, she’s young,” Miranda says. “They’ll probably be back in each others’ arms by midnight.”
“I hope not.”
She arches an eyebrow. “You don’t approve?”
I smile. Miranda couldn’t, and shouldn’t know that Kimberly killed her boyfriend last night. She might jump to the conclusion we have a dysfunctional family.
“I like the kid just fine,” I say. “I don’t approve of his job.”
She smiles. “The kid?”
“Chuck.”
“And what’s Chuck’s job?”
“He’s a pre-rapture pet salesman.”
Miranda laughs.
“What?”
“I don’t approve of the kid, either!” she says.
We get to Caesers and I go up to Kimberly’s room alone.
First thing she says is, “Are you going to give me a lecture?”
“Of course not.”