“Um…” I started, then immediately stopped.
Because seriously, how could I even begin to explain? Earlier, he’d seen Virginia’s ghost and found out that my cats were magical and could talk, but we’d given him a special potion to wipe his memory and cover our tracks. Despite our best efforts, though, he refused to attribute all the strange things that had happened that night to a wild dream as we hadplanned. He knew something was up, which meant I had to tread lightly here.
But how could I possibly explain away a homicidal squirrel hoard?
Mr. Fluffikins saved me from having to explain myself when he hopped away from the bike and rounded on Drake.“Why, if it isn’t just the man I was looking for,” he said with an unhappy smile splashed across his face.
“What’s up, little cat dude?” Drake asked with a laugh, leading us all through his garage and into his home.
Fluffikins kept his tail low and curled at the end.“I’m here to get you registered with your local supernatural board. It seems you’ve been creating quite a few issues during your nocturnal wanderings.”
Drake stopped inside the doorway and stared at the bossy black cat through squinted eyes.“Come again now?”
Fluffikins entered behind him and then hopped up onto the counter, refusing to break eye contact with Drake.“Have you registered? If not, I’m taking you in right now.”
Luna, Merlin, and I stood just outside the door, watching the scene unfold with wide eyes. I think we realized what was happening before Drake did.
“Why would I need to register?” he asked with a nervous chuckle. “You said this was for a supernatural board? That’s great and everything, like, fine I’ll register, but I’m not supernatural.”
Mr. Fluffikins sighed.“Please don’t tell me you don’t even know what you are.”
Drake dipped his hands into his pockets and rocked on his heels.“I’m just an average-ish guy living off his trust fund and keeping busy.”
The boss cat let out a dry laugh.“Average guy? Not even close.”
All eyes were on Mr. Fluffikins. Nobody spoke. We were all waiting to see whether Drake would figure this out on his own.
What a revelation. I’d always known something was off about Drake, but this?
My friend shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest.“Sorry, I don’t follow.”
Fluffikins shook his head and sighed. When he looked up again, he spoke slowly, as if to an imbecile.
If Drake was offended, he didn’t show it.
“You are a supernatural creature and need to register with the board.”
“Oh yeah?”
We all nodded.
“And what kind of supernatural creature am I, Mr. Pussy Cat?”
“A vampire,” Fluffikins said around a growl. “And don’t you dare ever call me Mr. Pussy Cat again.”
9
Drake took a step back and leaned into the wall.“No,” he said, shaking his head. “That’s not possible. I mean, I think I would know if I were a vampire.”
I glanced toward Merlin who was rolling his eyes.
Luna at least showed some compassion but didn’t speak a word.
“It’s okay, Drake. Really. You’re still you,” I offered with a small smile.
Drake groaned and shook his head.“No. I’m not. I can’t be.”
Mr. Fluffikins lifted a paw and extended one claw.“Looks like I need to convince you, so here we go. Let’s start with the easy stuff. Do you ever just know something that you shouldn’t? Like memories of things that haven’t actually happened?”
Drake nodded mutely, and Fluffikins extended a second claw.
“And do you ever wake up somewhere with no recollection of how you got there?” he pushed further.
Drake nodded again.
Fluffikins added a third claw to his furry fist.“Do you have an insatiable craving for wealth and knowledge?”
Drake said nothing.
“You know a little bit about a lot of bit,” I said, quoting him back to himself. “And you do live off a trust fund.”
Drake’s entire face had drained of color by now, giving him a much more vampirish appearance than before. Honestly, I’d never seen him look so unsettled, not even when Virginia’s ghost was actively trying to murder us. I watched now as his hands groped at the wall, unable to gain purchase.
When he spoke again, his voice came out broken and pitchy.“B-b-but I don’t drink blood. I would never ever do such a thing!”
Fluffikins’s claws retreated back into his paw, and he set his foot on the tile floor. “Did I say anything about drinking blood?” he asked with a low growl. He then turned to me with a peeved-off look. “You humans and your stupid lore. You’ve set vampires back hundreds of years, thanks to your so-called entertainment. Hundreds of years, that’s when they actually did drink blood. It’s been ages!”
“I’m s-s-sorry,” I muttered, more a question than a declaration. Why was he blaming me for this when I was the only one here who was actually trying to help him!
“Normally new vampires aren’t left on their own. Something must have gone wrong with your turning.” The black cat blinked slowly while watching the newly revealed vampire for his reaction.
“So I wasn’t born a vampire?” Drake’s voice still squeaked like a preteen as he pushed out words in a hurry. “My mom and dad aren’t—“
“Heavens no, nobody is born a vampire. How ridiculous!” Now it was Mr. Fluffikins who was rolling his eyes. Cats were not the most patient creatures, something I’d learned early on in my employ as a familiar.
But Drake didn’t know any better. Even if he’d been okay with my magical stuff, this was different. He’d just found out that he was a monster, and one who had been unintentionally causing havoc at that.
He sank to the floor, cradling his head in his hands.“I’m dead,” he murmured. “I’m legit dead.”
“Well, technically you’re undead,” Fluffikins clarified with a sniff.
“Just like those squirrels,” Merlin added with a laugh.
Luna shot him an irritated glance.“Go gentle on him, dear. Can’t you see how upset he is already?”
Fluffikins had started laughing, too, but managed to pull himself together quickly.“If you’re friends with this guy, how did you not figure out what he was?” he asked me.
“That’s a good question,” I said, turning my eyes back to Merlin.
He puffed up defensively.“What? I can’t know everything about everything, okay? I knew something was up with the guy, but most vampires are loud and proud. How was I supposed to know what he was when even he didn’t?”
Well, he had a point there.
“Settle down, you.” Luna brushed up against Merlin’s side and purred, nuzzling him until he at last deflated.
“You three will be able to see yourselves home from here, right?” the boss cat asked Merlin, then walked up to a gently sobbing Drake. “You need to come with me.”
He continued to cry, not acknowledging Fluffikins or any of the rest of us. As for me, I didn’t know exactly what Mr. Fluffikins did on a day to day, but I knew he wasn’t used to taking no for an answer. And I also knew he would be unlikely to back down now.
Sure enough, the black cat extended his claws and tapped at Drake’s arm. “Did you hear me, vampire? I need you to—“
“Perhaps we could be a little more delicate with him?” I suggested. “And maybe since you’re here, you can help us with our zombie problem? I mean you did offer earlier. Let’s take a break from vampires and talk zombies. Sound good?”
He shook his head from side to side.“That was before I’d found my charge. As you can see, I got what I came for and now I need to get back to Beech Grove. Many pressing matters await the vampire and me there.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” Luna piped up. It wasn’t like her to go on the offensive like this, but apparently she’d been pushed too far. “You’re the diplomat for this entire region, and you’re not at all worried about a zombie invasion?”