PART I. ABOVE THE LAW
I’M NOBODY BY EDUARDO ANTONIO PARRA
Narvarte
Feet moving: a step, another, then one more. Eyes stare at the squares that make up the sidewalk. Stubborn hands grip the supermarket cart carrying all his things: a poncho, a plate and a pewter spoon, two shabby blankets, a plastic cup, a sun-bleached photo of a woman and a boy, a sweater, a paper bag filled with butts and three cigarettes, barely worn sneakers, a bottle with traces of liquor, several pieces of cardboard, and two empty boxes. His life: what remains of it. He pushes. He moves forward, barely registering the faces passing in the opposite direction. I don’t look. I never pay attention. I haven’t seen a thing, chief, I swear. Around here, I don’t even look at the houses or buildings, just the street signs to know where I’m going. He walks on, not listening to the roar of the engines, or the screams of the horns around the public square, or the voices, or the screeching of tires. I’m nobody. No. I didn’t hear anything. I never hear anything. He was a skinny thing, you know. He doesn’t notice the food vendors, even though they arouse something in him, at the bottom of his belly. He goes on, not feeling the rain, the heat, or the cold. He just keeps moving, measuring the sidewalk through the cart’s wire grid, swerving the wheels to avoid the curbs and holes. Like he does every day, all day long.
Yes, he walks without hearing, without seeing. Always the same. Until the arrival of one of the gray-uniformed security guards from the Secretariat of Communications and Transportation, who opens the door to the parking lot before settling behind the tollbooth window. If it’s the old man with the white mustache on the day shift, he pokes him in the chest with the stick hanging off his waist. But if it’s the fat red-faced guy, he kicks him in the ribs-but softly, without any intention of hurting him.
“C’mon, Vikingo, it’s dawn already. Get a move on.”
And, still between dreams, he asks himself who that Vikingo they’re referring to could be, until, in the midst of a stomachache, cramps, and his own mind’s fogginess, a distant image comes to him of a dim red mane and an unkempt beard, which he remembers seeing in a mirror or reflected on some window. I am Vikingo. But not before-he didn’t have a beard before. But yes: Vikingo. Nobody. And so he struggles clumsily to stand up while his swollen tongue pries itself off the inside of his mouth to offer one, two, a thousand apologies.
“Sorry, chief, I didn’t hear you, I swear…”
“You don’t have to swear anything to me. Look how filthy you are today. You asshole, you probably cut yourself with a bottle, right?”
“I’m nobody. No. I didn’t hear a thing.”
“Look, take your damn cart and get outta here. People are gonna be coming to work soon. If the supervisor sees you, he’ll probably fire me for letting a huevón like you sleep in the doorway.”
That’s why he’s up so early, moving his feet and pushing his cart. At first, slowly, trying to ignore the swelling of his joints, the violent beating in his temples. He crosses the avenue amidst cars braking and motorists’ profanities as they head downtown, and he inhales the morning smog as he nears the public square where he parades his humanity before the rushing clerks, the old women on their way home from 8 a.m. Mass at Romero de Terreros, and all the morning joggers.
Everyone turns away, some with disgust, others with fear, when they see his enormous figure dressed in multicolored pants, T-shirts, sweatshirts, sweaters, and the grease-stained coat he drags behind him. Vikingo lifts his gaze, but then covers his eyes with his hand, as if the brightness of the sun brings him bad memories. Later he slowly rounds the public square, over and over again, hoping that at the end of these turns, blackness will have settled in the skies above the city. He doesn’t rest on any of the stone benches, he doesn’t go near the fountain, he doesn’t stroll in the garden, he doesn’t walk between the trees. He never leaves the brick-colored pavement. He walks for hours to exhaust himself, to stop thinking. To get rid of the images from a life he lived many years ago. To give the neighbors time to throw something worth eating or drinking in the trash. To forget about what happens on the streets at night: what happened last night.
Something that has nothing to do with his surroundings makes him stop suddenly. He directs his focus to the treetops; the honking of the zanates reminds him of a man fleeing between shadows. The man screamed, just like those birds are doing right now. Insults could be heard. Yes. Was it yesterday? Or a different night? His memory strives to capture the data, but it’s too foggy. He resumes his walk and shakes his head in denial. No, I haven’t seen a thing. I swear, chief. I just walk. I don’t know how to do anything else. I just walk around. I like Narvarte because it’s a neighborhood with a lot of trees and birds. Nobody bothers me. I walk around the area not seeing a thing, not hearing a thing. I’m nobody. I don’t even have a name.
The screeching birds distract him again. Vikingo searches the tangle of branches until he distinguishes a brown fluttering in the foliage. He smiles and steps off again. I never see anything and never hear anything. Just the birds. A step. Another. Then one more. Like that, chief. Yeah, you know, right?
The wheels of the cart squeak as if they want his attention. He reviews his load and readjusts it without slowing down. He used to carry more things: portfolios with papers from work, a wallet with IDs but no money, a ring of keys, a comb, a watch, a neck tie. That was another time, before he moved over near Parque Delta, which filled up whenever there was a baseball game with people who called him Vikingo because, according to one of the drunks, he looked a lot like a guy who played for the Diablos Rojos. When they demolished the park to build a mall, he had to look for another place to live and lost his things in the process. Or was it one of the times he was picked up by the police? He’d rather not remember.
He maneuvers to avoid two young women dressed in matching skirts and coats who carry greasy paper grocery bags. He dodges a man wearing a tie who scrapes his teeth with a toothpick. A senior citizen looking for a bench to rest. And a raucous group of teenagers sporting white shirts and pants making their way home. He goes in circles, in many circles. The soles of his feet begin to burn. A step. Another.
I don’t even have a name, chief. Yes, Vikingo. That’s a name? Although I did have one before. Yes. Fernando, I think. Like the boy in the photo. The one with his mother. When he was alive. Now I’m nobody.
A woman in a helmet and a blue uniform with a billy club in her hand crosses the public square just a few meters ahead of him and Vikingo is gripped with fear. He slows his steps. The image of the fleeing man reappears in his memory. No, I’m not Fernando. Fernando was that other guy. He was falling. He ran into me and the others shouted his name. I didn’t see anything. I’m nobody.
He stops. His breathing is agitated. He asks himself if he has already gone this way.
A girl is standing nearby, staring right at him. She looks him up and down, from his messy red hair to the scabs on his ankles. She glances, surprised at Vikingo’s hands, and moves away with a gesture of repulsion. Yes, girl, I haven’t washed, he thinks to himself, but he immediately forgets about her to peer out across the boulevard that opens before him, a meridian full of dry palms and wide sidewalks crowded with people around the taco, tamale, cake, and juice stands. The air is loaded with dense, sweet, sticky smells. He drives the cart toward the flow and this time, yes, he clearly hears the hissing of tires and the insults. One of the drivers even opens the car door, furious as he gets out of his vehicle, but as soon as he gets a good look at the vagabond he shuts the door without saying a word.