“He doesn’t remember you?”
“He doesn’t remember anything.”
“But how perfectly extraordinary! Do you mean to say that he doesn’t remember his name?”
“He remembers his name.”
“Or who he is-or about his job in the States?”
“He remembers that.”
Mrs. Underwood’s voice became strident.
“And he doesn’t remember you? My dear, it’s too thin! He’s trying to back out. Your Uncle Godfrey must see him at once. Don’t you worry-young men have these sort of turns, but your uncle will put it right. It’s not as if you hadn’t anyone to stand up for you. Don’t you worry-it’ll all come right.”
It was quite unbearable, but she had to bear it. Unkindness would have been easier. Aunt Mabel meant to be kind, but behind the kindness it was perfectly plain that she thought Giles Armitage a very good match for a penniless girl, and that she had no intention of letting him go.
Nothing lasts for ever. Meade was told that she didn’t look fit for anything but bed, to which haven she thankfully repaired. “And Ivy will bring you your supper. I’m going up to the Willards for some bridge.”
Blessed relief, even though she knew that the Willards would be told about Giles and treated to Mabel Underwood’s views upon the management of recalcitrant young men. It wasn’t any good thinking about it. Aunt Mabel was like that, and you just had to let it go.
She lay there and let everything go. No use thinking, no use planning, no use hoping, no use grieving.
Ivy came in with a tray-fish cakes and a cup of Ovaltine. Meade, sitting up in bed, thought, “She doesn’t look any too good herself. I wonder if she is unhappy.” She said on the impulse,
“You look tired, Ivy. Are you all right?”
“Got a bit of a head-nothing to write home about.”
A London girl, small and thin, with a pale, sharp face and lank brown hair.
“Where is your home?”
Ivy jerked a shoulder.
“Haven’t got one-not to speak of. Gran’s being ’vacuated. Ever such a nice lady she’s got billeted with. Bottled four dozen of tomatoes out of their own garden, and fresh veg. coming in every day-we could do with a bit of that here, couldn’t we?”
“Is that all the family you’ve got?”
Ivy nodded.
“Gran and my Auntie Flo-that’s the lot. And Aunt Flo, she’s in the A.T.S.-got one of those new caps they wear too-red and green on them-ever so smart they are. She wanted me to join up too, but I didn’t pass my medical. That’s on account of the accident I had when I was a kid on the halls.”
“What halls?”
Ivy giggled.
“Music halls, miss-V’riety-me and me sister Glad. Boneless Wonders we was-acrobats, you know. But there was an accident on the high wire and Glad was killed, and they said I wouldn’t never be any good for it again, so I went out to service, and seems like I’ll have to stay in it. Doctor said he couldn’t pass me nohow.”
Meade said, “I’m sorry,” in her pretty, soft voice. And then, “Get off early to bed, Ivy, and have a good rest. Mrs. Underwood won’t be wanting anything.”
Ivy jerked again.
“I’m not all that set on bed-seems like it don’t do me any good. I get dreaming, you know-about Glad and me, and having to walk that wire. That’s how I come to walk in my sleep when I was down in Sussex, and Gran said it wasn’t respectable and I’d better take and go in a flat where I couldn’t get out.”
Meade shivered, and then wondered why. It certainly wouldn’t be easy to get out of Vandeleur House after Bell had locked up. Horrid to think of wandering up and down that circular stair in the dead of night. She said quickly,
“You don’t walk in your sleep now?”
Ivy’s glance slipped away.
“Oh, I dunno,” she said in a vague voice. “Aren’t you going to have another fish cake? I made them the way Gran told me, and they come out lovely-tomato sauce and the least little bit of shrimp paste. Makes all the difference, don’t it?”
When the tray was gone and the room was quiet again, Meade took a book and tried to read, but what the book was, or what the lines of print had to say, she never had any idea. There was a shaded lamp beside the bed. The light fell mellow across her shoulder, and across Mabel Underwood’s pink sheets and the corner of a pink frilled pillow-case. This had been Godfrey Underwood’s room, that was why there was a telephone by the bed. Uncle Godfrey and a pink frilled pillow-case-nothing could be more incongruous. But he wouldn’t notice anything like that. The eiderdown bloomed with pink and purple paeonies, and so did the curtains. There was rose-coloured china on the washstand, and a rose-coloured carpet on the floor. There had been times when she felt that she couldn’t bear it for another moment, but it was like everything else, you got used to it.
The telephone bell cut across her drifting thoughts. Under them she had been listening for it, straining for it, expecting it. Now that it had come, her heart knocked wildly at her side and her hand shook. Giles’ voice said from a long way off,
“Hullo! Is that you?”
She said, “Yes.”
“It doesn’t sound like you.”
She caught her breath.
“How do you know what I sound like?”
At the other end of the line Giles frowned. How did he know? The answer to that was that he did. He said so.
There was no answer.
“Meade-are you there? Please don’t ring off-I’ve got a lot to talk about. I think it’s easier on the telephone-I mean we want to get the ground cleared a bit, don’t we? You won’t go away?”
“No, I won’t go away.”
“Where are you? Are you alone-can you talk?”
“Yes. My aunt has gone out. I’m in bed.”
“Why? What’s the matter?”
“Oh, nothing. I’m just tired.”
“You’re not too tired to talk?”
“No.”
“All right, then, here goes. I’ve been thinking, and I want to know where we left off. It seems to me I’ve got to know that. Don’t you see you’ve got to help me out? If I’d come back blind, you’d lend me your eyes to see with-read my letters for me, all that sort of thing-wouldn’t you? Well, this is just the same, isn’t it? I’ve gone blind, not in my eyes but in my memory. The things I can’t remember are like a letter that I can’t read. If I ask you to read it for me, you’re not going to say no, are you?”
“What do you want me to tell you?”
“I want to know how we stood to each other. We were friends, weren’t we?”
“Oh, yes.”
“Anything more? That’s what I really want to know. Was I in love with you?”
“You said so.”
“Then I meant it. I wouldn’t have said it if I hadn’t. What did you say?”
There was no answer. Her heart beat and her breath came quick, but there weren’t any words.
“Meade-don’t you see you’ve got to help me? I’ve got to know. Were we engaged?”
There was still no answer.
He said in an insistent voice,
“Why, I’ve got to know-you must see that. Were we engaged? Was it given out?”
She wanted to laugh and she wanted to cry. It was so very much Giles-so dearly familiar-the urgency of his voice, the way he said her name, the way he never could wait if there was anything he wanted. Echoes out of the past: “Meade, I must know”-the same insistent ring. Then it had been, “Can you care for me?” Now it was, “Did I care for you?” She said as quickly as she could,
“No, it wasn’t given out.”
There was a silence so utter and so prolonged that her heart contracted with fear. Suppose he had gone-hung up and gone away. Quite easy to do. Perhaps that was what he had done- hung up and gone away out of her life. She found herself quick and hot to deny it. That wouldn’t be Giles. He always said what he thought. He would tell her straight out-“I’m sorry. I can’t remember. It’s a wash-out.” He wouldn’t slink away like a thief in the night.