She brought it up! Josh says. She’s accusing me!
Well she’s upset!
Yeah, a boy says as he gives Josh a shove.
Josh practically falls into me so I step away and Josh lands on the ground. Some people laugh.
Josh stares up at me with slitty eyes. It’s not my fault her brother is DEAD!
NOOOO! I hear a scream and only when I try to run far FAR away from it but it keeps following me do I realize that it’s me.
CHAPTER 6
THE HEART
I FIND THIRTY-TWO BOOKS IN the library about how the Heart works. Dad talks with the librarian and says it’s okay for me to use his card too so I can check out a lot of books. Some of them are kids’ books and some are adult books but I can read anything because my reading score is so high they can’t even rate it. When I was in kindergarten I was above eighth-grade level and that was as far as you could get in kindergarten. Now I’m in fifth grade which is why I can read anything Dad can.
Sometimes I read the same books over and over and over. What’s great about books is that the stuff inside doesn’t change. People say you can’t judge a book by its cover but that’s not true because it says right on the cover what’s inside. And no matter how many times you read that book the words and pictures don’t change. You can open and close books a million times and they stay the same. They look the same. They say the same words. The charts and pictures are the same colors.
Books are not like people. Books are safe.
The librarian won’t let you take the Physicians’ Desk Reference home even if you hide it in the middle of thirty-two books. She says you have to leave it in the reference section so others might enjoy it. I don’t think I should have to leave it in the reference section just so others might enjoy. I know I will enjoy it. But she says that is not the point. She never does tell me what the point is but Devon says sometimes you just have to do what a teacher or librarian says even if you think it’s stupid. Also he says you shouldn’t tell them out loud that you think it’s stupid. That’s a secret that stays in your head only.
On the way home Dad stops at CVS and buys me a whole bag of gummy worms.
Why? I ask.
Aren’t these your favorite?
Yes but I don’t have ten stickers in a row yet on YOUR MANNERS chart.
Mrs. Brook says you’re doing an excellent job at school considering… everything.
She’s right! I make a smiley face with my mouth. I deserve these gummy worms because I do spend all my time considering everything. I just don’t always Get It.
I eat one green gummy worm and one red. Their names are Eddie and Talia. I always name my gummy worms before I eat them. When we get home I stuff some in every pocket of my pants so I’ll always have one when I need one. Then I start reading.
There’s a lot of information about the Heart in thirty-two books and I read it all. Here’s what I’m writing down in my Word Study notebook because these are the words I want to study more than eLIMinate and DEVastate:
CHAMbers
AORta
Atria
VENtricles
VEINS
ARteries
VALVES
I also learn that you should exercise right like Devon who plays soccer and baseball and runs almost every day. You should eat good foods like Devon who doesn’t eat nearly as much candy as me. You shouldn’t smoke because it can hurt your Heart and it smells so bad it makes you want to throw up. Devon never throws up but even he says that.
There are many Heart diseases. Some of them you get from smoking and drinking and being fat and not exercising. Some of them you get from an infection. Some of them you get when you’re old. Some problems you’re born with. Most of the diseases you can do something about like take lots of pills. Sometimes a Heart problem happens all of a sudden and there is not much you can do. But you should try to get to a hospital right away to increase your chances of survival.
What I can’t find is how long you can make a Heart work once it is shot and can other body organs take over for it and can a hospital keep you alive without it and are you the same person without it and are you a person at all?
This is all I can find on that topic:
A gunshot wound to the Heart is almost always fatal.
CHAPTER 7
GROUPS
MRS. JOHNSON FINISHES EX-MRS. JOHNSON FINISHES EX — plaining our group project which can be about any animal we choose. She asks us to give her some choices and writes them on the board.
I choose the Heart.
Her marker squeaks to a halt on the whiteboard. I see, she says, turning slowly to Look At The Person. Of what animal?
I don’t care. As long as it’s human. I’m really good at drawing the human Heart now.
The class laughs.
She sighs. I want you to write about an animal. How about a panda?
I shake my head. Can’t she see I’m already drawing a Heart in my notebook?
Another animal?
I shake my head again.
Well. Think about it. Maybe you’ll come up with some animals that’ll interest you.
After she writes a bunch more animals on the board she says to break into groups. Everyone moves except me. Mrs. Johnson stands in front of my desk. Would you like help finding a group?
I have a group.
Who’s in your group?
Me.
Who else?
Nobody. I’m my own group.
Someone laughs.
I’d like you to be in a real group. How about joining Emma and Brianna?
No.
More kids laugh.
Mrs. Johnson narrows her eyes and mouth at them but turns back to me. Excuse me?
No Thank You. That’s another sticker for my YOUR MANNERS chart.
Everyone laughs now.
Mrs. Johnson takes a big breath and lets it out. I want you to be part of a group.
I stare at her hands.
Do you understand?
Yes. I understand what she wants but I also know what I want.
So will you come over and join them now?
She doesn’t understand. I shake my head. No.
Why not?
I sigh and try to explain it so she’ll Get It. I know that’s what you want but it’s not what I want.
Hi, says Mrs. Brook, you’re early.
I know. I told Mrs. Johnson that but she said it was time to see you NOW. She’s having trouble Getting It today.
Oh. Let’s Talk About It.
I explain about the group project.
Caitlin. When a teacher says she wants you to do something that means you should do it. It’s the same as saying you have to do it.
Well why didn’t she say that?
It’s a nice way of saying it.
No it’s not. It’s a confusing way of saying it. And she should say PLEASE if she’s trying to be nice.
Would that have helped? If she’d said please?
Maybe. Should I share that with her?