Joseph was not a perfect provider, a curious cousin of providential, or the unexpected benefit of fortune, very near linguistically speaking, if one can speak any other way, to providence, which of course had disappeared into the lexicon of Joseph’s progenitors and would have quickly united him to the creator, thus giving him a small flicker of authority and an allowance to shed his stoic robes and convert to a more Maussian like context. The public definition, now greatly withdrawn from the derivation from which it sprouted, think of the allegory of Zeus’ very wise daughter emerging from a headache, had three hundred principles and our hero had accumulated two hundred and sixty-three of them, but still, after two years of stably remaining at two hundred and sixty-three, he had gotten his family, himself, no closer to the situation that was expected of them (this is to say he was an exile of his own preferences, or that he was doing a service for his kind, but not as an official envoy). This was Joseph’s fault, he was the head of the household; it was his duty to meet all three hundred principles (as well as to remove any obstacles, admittedly very Ganeshian in concept, in order to attain his goals), to achieve harmony.
Joseph’s company, Immunex International, CTDLLC, was one of the most powerful corporations in the world; it had abundant opportunities for any industrious man who tried hard enough, wherein we unearth his deficiency, a judgmental term used solely by those who have plenty. But Joseph, even with all his effort, a mythologized promise of an effect fruiting from exertion (obviously, for any logical thinker, a fallacy), remained stationed in middle management, at the same position (the Sisyphusian aspects of his toil wearing on him), or the act of the fortunate (observe the lucky synonym) arranging the less prosperous into inadequate classifications, Director of the Continued Production of Isotopic Inhibitors. He could not seem to find his own unique gift (non-returnable, unfortunately) that would elevate him (although not to be equated with any sort of superstitious ascension towards a forth dimensional plain populated with the ass-kissers of a particular cosmological biographer) into a promotion. He knew that this was a problem (and one with no proof of a solution) that all men (very democratic in a Jeffersonian hypocritical fashion) were conceived (or formed as an image, very prejudice, obviously) with the ability (an aboriginal competence nearly never defined properly) to become wealthy (as in checkbook totals) and achieve true (based upon the perception of the observer, who had ruined the whole thing in an anti-Heisenbergian, indeterminable hypothesis) happiness.
The history of which, recounted in the doxography of the great cambists, in the most Baconian of methods, began with the Ecumenism Movement of the late nineteenth century, an industrial revolution created a market driven society and entrepreneurs quickly realized the benefits of collective commerce treaties, or agreeing to no longer compete but to communally swindle consumers who provided their livelihood. Immunex was the pharmaceutical company that manufactured Isodex, clinically called Dioxyribohydrophilocleen, the most revolutionary drug ever produced. Immunex had developed Isodex over eighty years before, and this innovation was credited with ending all human suffering, of a purely medicinal origination (no psychological glycogen or mental floss has yet to be marketed properly). Isodex could defeat cancer, in all its forms. The most dangerous affliction ever known was subdued, no one died of cancer ever again, however this was a conceptual success, especially in Joseph’s case, since he considered calamities very fortunate indications of a mass extinction he had been praying for that would justify the rise and fall of the human empire. Following the development of Isodex, another giant corporation and Immunex’s major competitor, Genetic Enterprises, ANEGLLC, debuted Homodexitrin, a drug cocktail deluded into one double-spiral pill that decimated the virus that caused Autoimmune Deficiency Syndrome. After Genetic Enterprises and Immunex’s technological leaps, other companies followed suit and disease, viruses, and bacteria’s began to be cured in record numbers, “All hail, Delusion! Were it not for thee the world turned topsy-turvy we should see”.
Dr. Ivan Turgenevelopoflough, the eminent biomechanical engineer, isolated the source of the common cold (evidently dictator microbes that breathed foul morning breath and drank snot for its intoxicating effects, which explained the duplicity of their ranks, since alcohol manages to make the desperate appear romantic) and took home the World’s Gratitude Emblem of Honor (which was later revoked by the World Congress when it was discovered that Dr. Turgenevelopoflough was infecting young maids with an ultra-hybrid of the cure which made them crave intercourse with such a fervor that they tore their own clothing off and began humping any protrusion within sight — the smart doctor ensuring he was always present).
At the University of Namibian Neurological Research, in what was then the Southern Equator States of Africa, a team of scientists developed a nervous system nano-protection program that could rebuild damaged cells, which was the first step in pis aller science, a groundbreaking field that should not be confused with the more colloquial piss ant, mistakenly used by the linguistically ignorant as a contemptible moniker for the less fortunate, such as Joseph Moore, even though it actually derives from puissant, meaning “powerful”. However, the nanorobes of UNNR, as “makeshift” solutions to getting worse, were giant leaps in controlling the runaway behavior of involuntary actions within the structure of the common homo superior. The former understanding of the aging process as a degenerative disorder that afflicted a person’s anatomical functions was thus redefined and aging became simply a celebratory rite of social justification, or more aptly put, suddenly the amount of busy bodies and checker players multiplied.
The magnus opus of the entire medical renaissance, as a self-congratulatory journalist from Beirut dubbed it, was without a doubt, the development of Epigastriomite (sold widely as Reclusimite or, more profoundly Belle Amherstide) by Professor Lumbar Benchly. The new wonder tablet cured the greatest enemy of the medicinal community, hypochondria, turning inane neurotics who plagued emergency rooms, doctor’s offices, and hospitals with fictitious ailments, fabricated disorders, and bizarre diseases into well-adjusted citizens who would listen to their doctors, no longer create their own illnesses, accept the diagnosis prescribed to them, and take medication for real sicknesses like Social Dysfunction Disorder (SDD), or Personal Worth Exaggeration Syndrome (PeWES), or Authority Inquiry Condition (AIC).
Within a few years, there were no life threatening concerns in the medical field, all diseases had cures, all viruses had antidotes, all bacteria’s had anti-serums. All children were immunized at the age of two and the great age of sickness became only an interesting footnote in history for scholars to ponder. Humanity had finally reached a great and wondrous pinnacle (should we say plateau our critics would argue with the ardor of pubescent delinquents that we are narrowly escaping a dimensional argument that altogether competes with fashionable reason), a god-like state, a pedestal existence, humanity was the ruler of nature (we use “humanity” in purely Millian sense), the great war between the two forces was over and humanity was the victor. Nature, like any conquered army, agreed to all the provisions of the peace accord, it left humanity alone (note: we are anthropomorphosizing the phenomenon for lucidity, it should be expressed plainly that no representatives from either side ever actually met and discussed this, we are accepting silence as acquiescence).