“Did you feel it?”
“Feel what?” he replied in necromimesis.
“When you hit the water?”
“No. Did you?” he asked.
“Oh! Fuck… yes,” she responded Avalokiteśvaraly, staring blankly at her toes.
“Did you want to die?”
“I didn’t wanna fuckin’ live,” she said, looking into his eyes. “I didn’t wanna be fuckin’ dead, but I didn’t wanna fuckin’ live, anymore.”
“I didn’t think about it, whether or not I wanted to die. I just knew that I should jump off the bridge,” he said, moving forward.
“Did you do enough, enough to fuckin’ die?”
“No.”
“Are you gonna start blabbering like a bitch?”
“Yes.”
“You gonna regret it?”
“No.”
“What the fuck did you want to do, before you died?”
“I wanted to see the world, I wanted to drink wine on the Seine, I wanted to stare into the Yellow River and get drunk in the Bavarian Alps. I wanted to climb the pyramids of Giza, catch a tiger in Uttar Pradesh, I wanted to make love, I wanted to feel the breeze of the ocean as I crossed it, I wanted to taste the snow of the mountains. I wanted to dogsled in the Yukon, I wanted to ferry across the Grand Canal in Venice, I wanted to see a shark kill, I wanted to see the lions of the Serengeti, I wanted to see a panda chewing on those plants, I wanted to meet a person who I could not imagine ever not knowing, I wanted to love someone, I wanted to meet someone and love them for an hour and never see them again. I wanted to hear the music of the earth and know that I’d heard it. I wanted to face death and live to fear him even more. I wanted to read books, see movies, share my thoughts with someone who’d listen, I wanted to stay up all night and watch the sunrise and not feel tired. I wanted to try to find an experience that would complete me.”
“Well, what the fuck have you been doin’? Did you do any of those goddamn things?”
“Not one.”
“How the fuck old were you?”
“Thirty-nine.”
“What the fuck were you doin’ for so fuckin’ long?”
“Living.”
“You did none of those fuckin’ things.”
“Existing, I should say.”
“Oh! You’re a fuckin’ tragedy?”
“No, spoiled.”
“Others will think you were a fuckin’ tragedy?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to fuck you?”
“Ah… um… well…”
“Seriously, it’s not a fuckin’ hard question. Do you want me to fuck you like a prison guard?”
“A what? Can you? I mean… are we supposed to?”
“No one fuckin’ cares… just say I’m supposed to…”
“Why?”
“Why the hell do you think I’m fuckin’ standing in front of you?” she said Nostradamusly, turning her head slightly so that he could see her face. “You should fuckin’ take me now.”
“Why?”
“Just fuckin’ grab me and rip my panties off and treat my cunt like your own private asshole.”
“Why?”
“Right now! This is the place for it.”
“But why would I do that, why would you want me to?”
“Come on… you’ve never fuckin’ fucked anyone?”
“But I don’t want to, I’ve never considered it before.”
“Bull fuckin’ testicles… Yes you have.”
“No.”
“Yes, you have, you’ve fuckin’ fantasized about it. You’ve dreamed about it, you’ve never admitted it, but you’ve thought about it. You were in a department store with your wife and a shop girl, probably about twenty, bent over to pick up a box for another customer and you saw her panties. You watched her go into the back room and you wanted to follow her in there and fuck her raw against the boxes back there.”
“That’s not true.”
“You were driving your son to a friend’s house and you ran into a neighbor you’ve always thought was fuckin’ hot, and she leaned over to chat with you, and you could see down her blouse, and you fuckin’ desperately wanted to just grab her and pull her towards you and kiss her and get your mouth on those fuckin’ tits and plunge her like a stinky toilet. Remember?”
“None of this ever happened.”
“No, it never fuckin’ happened, you just fuckin’ thought about it.”
“I don’t remember ever thinking any of it.”
“Grab me… all you have to do is fuckin’ grab me, Joseph. I won’t fight you and you can have me. All you have to do is grab me and fuckin’ take me… whatever you want… make me feel ravishing and you can’t help yourself… just kiss me like you want to fuckin’ eat my lips, tear my clothes off, don’t let me go and ram your fuckin’ hard cock into my hot pussy… Now!”
“But I’d never do that to you.”
“No… well I’m not going to fuckin’ kiss you and take you off to fuckin’ bed. I’m not going to slowly remove my fuckin’ frock and touch you tenderly. Do you hear the winged chariot, it’s in quite a rush?”
“You asked if I wanted you to fuck me.”
“Yes.”
“Not take you.”
“What’s the fucking difference? That would be impossible.”
“Couldn’t we just have a good time, couldn’t we just wander off and see what happens?” Joseph asked rather Hookly.
“Fuck… you’ve lost the surprise, you’ll never get me to turn my back on you again. We could wander off, but as soon as you laid a finger on me, I’d kick you in the balls so many times you’d have a cunt.”
“What if I didn’t let you?”
“If you were going to fuckin’ do anything, you would have done it by now.”
“Is that it?”
“Another moment got by us.”
“It’s not fair, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to just grab you and do it right here?”
“It’s not up to me, Joseph.”
“I couldn’t do it.”
“I fuckin’ know.”
* * *
“The rabbits lived in holes beneath the ground. They lived in there because of the foxes. The foxes wanted to eat the rabbits. The rabbits only wanted to eat carrots and enjoy their lives. But the foxes wouldn’t let them.
“The rabbits were sad much of the time, many of them were eaten by foxes and they did not like living in the ground. The oldest rabbit, Edgar, did not know what to do but all the other rabbits looked to him. He went to see the wise old owl to ask what they should do about the foxes.
“The owl received Edgar — do you see the owl greeting the rabbit? Good. The owl received Edgar and told him that the rabbits had to wait until one day a black rabbit was born. This rabbit would know what to do about the foxes.
“Edgar went home and waited. That spring, a tiny baby rabbit was born with black fur. Do you remember what that means? Good. The tiny baby rabbit with the black fur was named Sable. Sable grew up amongst the rabbits, playing in the tunnels, eating carrots and avoiding the foxes.
“One day, the old rabbit Edgar went to see the young, black rabbit Sable. He said: ‘Sable, do you know what we should do about the foxes? They’re not good, they want to eat us.’ Sable, who had never spoken to Edgar, thought for a few moments and said: ‘Someone has to chase them away.’ Edgar left Sable in the tunnel and went away.
“A few days later, Edgar came to see Sable again. This time he asked: ‘Do you know how to chase away the foxes?’ Sable smiled, he was very happy. ‘Yes, I know how to chase away the foxes,’ he replied. ‘Will you tell me?’ Edgar asked. ‘I can’t tell you.’ With this, Edgar left.
“When summer was over, Edgar called Sable to his tunnel. Sable arrived and ate carrots with Edgar. ‘Sable, can you tell me how to chase away the foxes?’ Edgar asked. ‘I cannot tell you, but I can show you,’ Sable replied. After one last carrot, Sable stood up and walked out of the tunnel. Edgar followed him. Do you understand what they’re doing? Good.