Nor can I less abbreviate even now and in the future I fear, for the full narrative would entail too much expense in printing, and prolong the time of completion. Yet what pleasure I had in the wordy veracities as I wrote them, childish, fantastic, ludicrous, as some of the doings and sayings now seem! How unlike the doings of the couples in erotic books which I since have read, books written with no other object but to stimulate the passions, — no object that of mine in writing this.
The narratives were written in the present tense, but in print have been altered to the past, which gives them an air of a studied composition, written as a man might write a novel; but the writing extended over well nigh forty years, and barely a word has been altered, excepting those due to omissions.
There are however a few remarks added here and there to explain the circumstances and connect the incidents; these are needful to explain lapses of time, and to show the continuity of the history, for all the amours were written separately; yet often I had two or three women in hand at the same period. So in arranging them chronologically a few additions and observations were needful to explain, and these are of them.
One muddy night in the Strand there was an exceedingly well-dressed and very short-petticoated (they all wore them then) girl of about seventeen years of age; her legs especially pleased me, they were so plump and neat, and her feet so well shod. After my offer had been accepted, we went to a house in a court just by Drury-Lane Theatre, and to a top-floor front-room very handsomely furnished. She lived there, and was a dress-lodger as I found afterwards. She was beautifully clean, had fine linen, and was no sham in any way; a fresh, strong, plump, well-made young girl with lovely firm breasts, and a small quantity of brown hair on her cunt. Cunt and breasts looked only seven-teen years, backside, thighs, arms, calves looked twenty. She stripped, and with but one feel and a stretch of her pretty cunt-lips, and a moment's glance I plugged her, and recollect now my enjoyment of her. Then I dressed, and so did she. Though so young, she was a well trained whore, had much pleased me by her freedom in manner, even to the way in which she washed her cunt and pissed after her fuck. I was not with her I should say twenty minutes if so long; my lust for her had been so strong.
“What's this?” said she disdainfully as I gave her half-a-sovereign. “What I promised you.” “Oh! no you did not, I expect, five pounds.” I expostulated. “Look at this room, look at my dress, — do you expect me to let a man come here with me for ten shillings?” “Its all I promised, had you refused I should not have come with you.” Then I put on my hat, and moved towards the door; she placed her back against it. “You don't go out of here till you give me three sovereigns.” It must be added that I had paid for the room what appeared to me then a large sum.
I was in for a row, had not as much as two pounds about me, and was fearful of exposure, just then a row in a baudy house would have injured me if known.
I gave her ten shillings more, she took it, but re-fused to let me go, she did not believe I had so little money, — I was a gentleman, let me behave as such, — no I should not go till I gave her what she asked. I tried to pull her from the door, but could not, then sat down on the chair, saying that if I must wait, why so I must.
She tried coaxing, I told her I was entitled to another fuck for my other ten shillings. Well I might if I gave her another twenty shillings. I put hands up her petticoats, and fingers up her quim, thinking she was giving way, — but no. I had forgotten my fears in my randiness which came on again by fumbling about her rump and cunt, and pulled out my prick stiff again. She bent over me, and gave it two or three frigs. That so excited me, that verily I believe I should have given her the money if I had had it, for the pleasure of having her again; but putting my hand into my trowsers, found silver only to something like a pound in value, and told her that. Then losing her gentility she said, “I'm damned if you do go, you bugger, till you have paid me properly.”
Fear of exposure came over me, but I hid it, and sitting down looked at her as she stood against the door in her petticoats, her handsome limbs showing bright in their silks, and her plump breasts just squeez- ing the bubbies over the top of the stays. Laying hold of my tool I pulled it out. “Stand there as long as you like, you look lovely, — as you won't let me fuck you, I'll frig myself.” Suiting the action to the word I began fist-fucking, not meaning however to finish so. It was but chaff, for indeed I was funky.
She stood looking till I said, “I'm coming, — I'm spending, — lift up your petticoats, and let me see your cunt.” Then unlocking the door and opening it quickly she bawled out, “Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Smith, come up, here's a bilk, come up quickly.”
I was now near spending as may be guessed, but buttoning up, went towards the door. She heard me, turned round, came in, shut the door, and stood with her back to it till a woman came in; and then she told her I had given her ten shillings.
The woman was incensed, was I a gent? she was sure I was, why not pay properly then? — a beautiful young girl like that, just out, — look at her shape, and her face, — she had written to a dozen gents who knew her house, and they had all come to see this beauty, — all had given her five pounds, some ten pounds, they were so delighted with her, — and much of the same talk. The girl began to whimper, saying she never had been so insulted in her life before.
I told her that I had only promised ten shillings, but had given more; that the girl was certainly beautiful, and the room elegant; but I was poor, and would not have come at all had I known the cost. I had not the money, and therefore could not pay. Then the bawd's tone changed. She was not going to have the poor girl insulted in that manner, she knew better about my means of paying, and I should not go till I paid more. We went on wrangling until the bawd said, “Well if you have not money give us your watch and chain, we will pawn it, and give you the ticket, and you can get it out of pawn.”
I had hidden my watch, — nearly always did so then when I went with whores whom I did not know, — but saw in this a threat, and was getting more funky, yet determined to resist whatever came of it; so said I had no watch, and if I had, that I would see her damned first, before I gave it up. “Oh! won't you”, said she, “we will see if you won't, — we don't allow a poor girl to be robbed by chaps like you in our house, — call up Bill”, said she to the girl. I saw that a bully was about to be let on me, and my heart beat hard and fast; but give up my watch I made up my mind I would not unless they murdered me. I had an undefined suspicion that they would illtreat and rob me, and prepared for the worst, — my pluck got up then.
But fear of exposure was before me. “Look”, said I, “I have no watch, I have given her twenty shillings, here is every farthing I have about me”, and emptied my purse (there was but a shilling or two in it) before them, and put all the money I had loose in my pocket on to the chimney-piece. There was I think about seventeen shillings in all. “Look it is every farthing I have, — you may have that you damned thieves, — take it and let me go, — see my pockets are empty”, — and I turned them inside out.
“You've got more”, said she, “be a gent, give her three pounds, she never has less, — look at her, poor thing!” The girl stood whimpering, she and the woman stood with their backs to the door, I with my back to the two windows of the room which looked out on to the public court; the fire-place was between us, the foot of the bed towards it; the fire was burning brightly, the room was quite light. There they stood, the clean, fresh, wholesome-looking lass, and besides her a shortish, thick, hooked-nosed, tawneycolored, evil-looking woman, — the bawd, — she looked like a bilious Jewess.
The woman kept repeating this, for a minute or two. I refused to give any more, and grew collected. “Come now, what are you going to do?” said the woman, “you are wasting all her evening.” I took up half-a-crown off the mantle-shelf, and pushing the rest along it, “I must keep this”, said I, “but take all the rest, I have no more, — I have no watch, let me go.” The woman laughed sneeringly, and did not touch the money, turned round, opened the door, and called out “Bill, Bill, come up.” “Halloh !” said a loud male voice from below.