“Camping doesn’t have to be,” her voice thickened with mischief, “burger-less.”
“What?”
“Or—” Eager to reveal her surprise, she hopped out from under the covers. From under the bed she pulled a large box, then a small satellite TV. “Football-less!”
He coughed out a laugh of pure surprise. “When did you bring that shit up here?”
She joined him in laughter. “A girl can have her secrets, Laredo.” Next, she pulled out a portable grill and a cooler full of chopped beef, all the fixings, buns, and beer.
Laughing, he watched her, love filling his eyes. Shay popped two of the cans, handing him one. “It’s after five p.m. somewhere in the world,” she reasoned, shrugging.
He raised his drink. “Here’s to the good life.”
“This life. The one we’re going to concentrate on from now on.”
Nodding, he touched the can to hers. “You got that right, angel. You got that right.”
And so it was that the little demon
who’d always dreamed of being human
got her wish and lived happily ever after . . .
A TAWDRY AFFAIR
Gena Showalter
To P. C. Cast, Susan Grant, and MaryJanice Davidson. Or, as we would probably be named inside of Mysteria: P. C. Sweetbottoms, Susan Buttercup, and MaryJanice Sugarlips. (Maybe I’d be Gena Dinglehop—that’s wait-and-see, though.) To Wendy McCurdy and Allison Brandau for putting up with me!
One
If Glory Tawdry discovered her sister, Evie, and Evie’s vampire boyfriend going at it like wild cougars one more time—just one more!—she was going to throw up a lung, gouge out her eyes, and cut off her ears.
“You’re disgusting,” she grumbled, standing in Evie’s open bedroom door. Her sister and Hunter must have severe discovery fantasies, because they always “forgot” to barricade themselves inside when things were getting heated.
They didn’t even glance in her direction.
She coughed.
They continued.
Sadly, if Glory walked down the hallway of their modest little three-bedroom home, she’d probably hear her other sister, Godiva, going at it with her boyfriend, a werewolf shape-shifter. They, at least, liked privacy when they were screaming like hyenas.
Still. There was no peace to be found for Glory. Not even in town. Lately Mysteria, a place once known for its evil creature population, as well as a place she’d taken great pride in, had turned into a horrifying love fest of goo-goo eyes and butt pinching.
Except for me. No one makes goo-goo eyes at me. No one pinches my butt, even though there’s enough for everyone to grab on to at the same time. She didn’t care, though. Really.
Men and relationships were so not for her. Really.
“Hello,” she said, trying again. “I’m right here. Can you stop for like a minute?”
Thankfully Evie and Hunter finished their show and collapsed side by side under the covers. Moonlight spilled from the beveled windows and onto the bed, painting them in gold. Both were panting, sweat glistening from their skin. Evie’s dark hair was spread over the pillow and tangled under Hunter’s arm. Vitality radiated from her.
Handsome Hunter looked exhausted and incapable of movement.
Score one for Evie, Glory supposed.
“Oh, Glory.” Evie grinned, happiness sparkling in her hazel eyes. “I didn’t see you there.”
Ugh. Evie did everything happily now, and Glory was seriously embarrassed for her. Evie was the greatest vengeance witch ever to live in Mysteria. As such, she should scowl once in a while. Glory was the love witch, damn it, so Glory should be the happy one.
“Don’t you know how to knock?” her sister asked.
Are you freaking kidding me? “Don’t you know how to close a door? I mean, it’s a difficult task to master, but with hard work and the proper training, I think you might be able to do it.”
Hunter laughed, revealing long, sharp teeth.
“Ha-ha.” Evie punched him on the shoulder.
When Evie said no more, Glory shook her head in disappointment. Used to, they would have argued and insulted each other, maybe yelled and thrown things. Now, she was lucky if Evie frowned at her.
A dysfunctional relationship it had been, but it had been theirs.
“I miss us!” she found herself saying. “You’re a softie now, and it’s killing my excitement levels.”
Understanding dawned, and Evie scowled. Even pointed an accusing finger at her. “Seriously, what’s up with you, little sis? Every day I think you can’t possibly get any bitchier, and then you go and prove me wrong.”
Much better! Life was suddenly worth living again. “Lookit, you show pony, I need your help.”
“Yeah? With what?” Unable to retain the harsh expression, Evie gave her another smile.
As always, that satisfied smile caused a deep ache to sprout inside Glory’s chest. When will it be my turn to fall in love, have great sex, and sicken the people around me? The moment the thought drifted through her mind, she blinked in shock and revulsion. Whoa, girl. That line of BS has to stop. Like, now. Before you crave more.
She was a love witch, yes, but she didn’t want to fall in love. Ever. People became slobbering fools when they succumbed to the soft emotion. Look at Evie! Proof right there in all her glowing splendor.
“I’m waiting,” Evie said.
Glory opened her mouth to say . . . something. What, she didn’t know. Great Goddess, how should she begin? She could not allow Evie to turn her down.
“Seriously. I want to bask in the afterglow.” Evie rubbed her leg up and down Hunter’s lower torso. “Hurry this along.”
“I’m thinking.”
Evie sighed. And yes, she was still smiling. “Go think somewhere else.”
“You left your door open, so no afterglow for you. One year,” she said in her best “Soup Nazi” impersonation. Glory tangled a hand through her hair, surprised as always that it was cool to the touch. Every time she saw the flame red tresses in the mirror, she expected smoke. I can do this. “Remember a few months ago, when Hunter was ignoring you—again—and you promised me a favor if I helped you win his heart? I told you that in return for helping you, I wanted you to give me something to ruin Falon’s life, and you said okay, so I gave you a potion and you—”
“I know what I did. Jeez.” Nibbling on her lower lip, Evie moved her hazels to Hunter.
He knew the full story, but Glory suspected Evie didn’t like to remind him. He’d died because of Evie, after all, killed by demons the lovesick fool had accidentally summoned. Then he’d been turned into a vampire—a species he’d once hoped to destroy. It had been difficult for him to adjust to the change.
“You want to ruin Falon’s life? Why?” Hunter’s vampire-pale arms tightened around Evie. Obviously no bad feelings remained on his part. But he did frown over at Glory as if she had sprouted a second head. With horns. Falon was his best friend and right-hand man.
At least, Glory thought Falon was a man. In Mysteria, it was sometimes hard to tell. He could have been a demon for all she knew. Now that made sense. “Just . . . because,” she said, then squared her shoulders and raised her chin. She refused to say more about her reasoning. “Evie owes me. That should be enough.”
Evie threw up her arms and let them fall heavily onto the bed. “Can’t you drop this? I don’t know what he did to you . . .” She paused, probably waiting for Glory to pipe up with the answer. When she didn’t, Evie sighed again. “You live in Bizarro World, little sis. You’re supposed to be the good witch, and I’m supposed to be wicked.”