Vergetta, the eldest, waved an admonitory finger at Gleep, who regarded her with utter innocence.
"He's not going to ... you know ... again, is he?"
"Oh, no," I assured her, mentally crossing my fingers. I exchanged glances with Gleep. I think I saw understanding in those round blue eyes that now was not the time to upset the delicate balance.
"Good. You I remember," she turned to Tananda. "You and a couple of big lugs were the ones who ruined our plan in the Bazaar."
"You bet we did," Tananda declared, holding her ground, "extortion's not welcome there."
Vergetta sighed. "It wasn't supposed to go that far. We were just offering services. You think it's easy, after spending a day arguing with creditors, to go and clean a dozen offices and shops? You think I like scrubbing toilets?"
"But, five gold coins a week?"
"Pervects always charge top coin for their services," Zol explained. "They believe they're worth it. You should have paid it."
"Too much," Tananda disagreed, shaking her head. "We did the right thing putting you out of business there."
Vergetta patted me on the arm. "You're right not to follow this little guy's advice, Sonny. But it was very clever, what you did to us. You could be a Pervect. You, too, Honey." She held out her wine glass to me for a refill.
"I'm in your debt," Wensley told her, leaping to get the carafe off the table and fill it for her. He hadn't left her side since he had been freed from the snow globe. "I'd like to help undo the mess I made."
Vergetta didn't hesitate. She frowned at him. "From what we've been able to find out about your hired gun here, this guy is Mr. Connected. We need to dump all the merchandise the two of you made impossible to sell."
"Me?" Wensley squeaked. "Why?"
"Because you hired him, Bubby. If he's got any advice to pass along, you have to ask for it."
Wensley turned beseeching eyes to me. "Will you, Master Skeeve?"
I felt guilty about my part in the enterprise, too, so I thought hard for a moment. "Why not the Bazaar?" I suggested.
"Why not?" Vergetta echoed. "Because your little Trollop friend there got us banned for life."
"And I'd have done it for longer, too," Tananda growled, her cat's eyes glowing. "You should have seen the black eye she gave me! And poor Chumley was sore for a week! Nobody beats up on my big brother but me!"
"Only two of you have been banned," I reminded them, thoughtfully. "Besides, you don't need to have a shop in the Bazaar to have your goods sold there. I know the Merchants' Association. If I put your exclusive contract out to bid they'll be undercutting one another in no time. The Deveels will love Pervomatics and ... and ..."
"Storyteller goggles," Monishone, the robed one, put in shyly. "My invention."
"That name's got to get changed," Paldine, the business-suited female, interjected briskly. "I'll come with you to handle the negotiations. When? We want to get some black ink back in the ledgers."
"As soon as we're done here," I assured her.
"We could have used that Bub Tube," Oshleen was saying passionately to Bunny. "We needed it. I hoped to use it to instill a little responsibility into these Wuhses. What do you do when everyone seems to agree, and when they don't they just sneak off and do what they want? Perverts are much more straightforward. We just tell someone what we want, and if they don't do it, we tear their heads off."
"Don't play dumb with me," Tenobia was telling a wide-eyed Gleep, who was gnawing on a table leg. "I was a dragon-tamer when I used to work for the circus. You guys are much more intelligent than you let anyone know."
Eavesdropping with interest, Zol took out his little notebook and began to tap away on his button board. It looked as though Coley had been restored to his original condition. He even had a new red metal band around his middle.
"Say," Caitlin perked up, noticing the device in his hands. "Isn't that an InfoDump Mark 16?"
"Yes, it is," Zol beamed. "His name is Coley." With pride, he put it into the littlest Pervect's hands and began to explain all its features. In turn, she showed him her computer. We were all getting along so well, we had forgotten about the object of our presence there.
Oshleen and Paldine put their heads together over a spreadsheet. The two of them compared notes with several of the others, all of whom seemed pleased. They brought the proposed figures to Vergetta.
"Very nice," she nodded. "What with our projected earnings we'll be able to buy out our contracts and go home in no time. Even the Wuhses will prosper, since they're doing the manufacture. I've been dying to throw out the line of tea towels for a year."
"We could be home in time for the spring fashion line," Oshleen sighed.
"But what about us?" Wensley asked.
TWENTY-NINE
"It's been real!"
-W. DISNEY
"What about you?" Vergetta echoed. "You Wuhses will be on your own. It's why you brought in the big tough magician and his friends, isn't it?"
"Well," Wensley began, "you ten have been essentially in charge of everything for the last two years. If you pull out and go home, then ... we llapse. We'll go back to the way we were before. Sink into debt." His slitted eyes were wide with fear.
"Then you need a new government," I suggested. "One with backbone."
"Led by whom?" Wensley asked. "Who could possibly step in and tell people how to do what you've been doing?"
I looked straight at him. "You."
His voice rose up into an even more strangled squeak. "Me?"
The Ten look him up and down.
"Why not you?" Tenobia said. "As Wuhses go you've been pretty assertive. You have shown some leadership potential."
"Oh, no," Wensley protested, abashed. "What an unkind thing to say."
"Not where I come from," I stated firmly. "In fact, calling something 'average' is almost an insult. You could be in charge of Wuhs's rebirth."
"Oh, I couldn't."
"Oh, yes, you could," Zol insisted. "Why, with the example of the Pervects before you, you could create a government that all Wuhses would be proud of."
"But they hurt people's feelings, and they step on toes," Wensley complained. "Someone will have to say 'no.'" He looked alarmed. "I don't know if I can do that."
"Sure you could," I informed him.
"My friend," Zol began encouragingly. "You need to reach inside yourself for the resource you showed in going to find Master Skeeve ..."
The Wuhs looked even more alarmed. I stiff-armed him out of the way. "Wait a minute, Zol. This kind of therapy really should be left to a specialist in assertiveness." Zol looked puzzled but Vergetta grinned.
"One side, Honey. Allow me." She took the Wuhs's face between her hands. "Kiddo, starting tomorrow, we're going to reopen both of the old product lines. You guys are going to have to leave behind your old handcrafts, which weren't selling anyhow, and start making anything that our inventors here come up with."
"Well, of course," Wensley agreed, as amiably as anyone could with his cheeks flattened by Perv claws.
"And in the meantime, you are going to take lessons from us. We're gonna teach you how to think like a Per-vect, walk like a Pervect, talk like a Pervect, and above all... eat like a Pervect. Think about it! What could add more fire to the belly than a real, honest Pervish meal? Once you can muscle a bowl of Potage St. Auugh down your throat, handling a bunch of Wuhses who want to spend your money on a complete set of last year's Super-bowl tickets should be a piece of cake. What do you think? I can go and rustle up some stew right now."
"You're too kind." Wensley gasped at the very thought of Pervish food. "Really, it's very considerate of you to think of my nutritional needs, but I'm sure there must be another way to instill the virtues ..."
"Doesn't put the lead in your pencil the same way, Sonny. Should I go get some for you? You can eat it right here. I insist. You'll love it."