Wensley seemed to be going through the most incredible internal discomfort. He wriggled and squirmed, but Vergetta had a firm hold on him. Gradually his protest worked its way up to his mouth. A nasal hum emerged.
"Nnn..."
"What?"
"... Nnn ... nnn ..."
"I can't hear you!" Vergetta bellowed, leaning close. "What did you say?"
"Nnn ... nnn ... nno ... No!" Wensley shouted. His eyes flew wide at his own boldness. "I did it! I said no!"
Vergetta wore a smug smile. "Once. You said no once. But you'll get used to it."
"Excellent!" Zol exclaimed. "There, do you see? And every time you need to say no in the future, you can picture this lady's most impressive persuasion."
"Congratulations," Charilor cheered, slapping him soundly on the back. "You're president."
"Oh, I can't be. That will take consultation with all of the other committees. They may have views they wish to offer..."
"Nobody will disagree with you," Niki interrupted. "If there's anything I've ever learned about you Wuhses, it's that if you tell them something's got to be, they just accept it. Face it. You're in charge now."
Wensley looked astonished, but pleased. "I... I don't know how we can ever thank all of you." "Oh, you've got our bill, darling," Vergetta reminded him. "You'll pay it. Put it on the debit side of the clean new slate you're starting today,"
"And you can buy my books for everyone to read," the little gray man added. 'That way you will have a written guideline to mental self-sufficiency. I'll be delighted to offer you a bulk rate."
Wensley called a mass secret meeting to announce the outcome of the morning's action. Most of the Wuhses came out of curiosity, to find out who had torn whom apart. They were all thankful to see Wensley alive and well. He and Kassery wouldn't let go of one another, kissing and whispering together. Bunny_ sighed.
"It's so romantic," she kept saying. I don't know why that made me feel uncomfortable, but it did.
When we had all the committee leaders safely stuffed into Montgomery's inn and sealed the doors closed, I thanked them all for coming.
"We've reached a new understanding with the Pervect Ten," I explained. "You all know my friends. I'd like to introduce our guests. I think you know them?"
Into the midst of the Wuhses a loud bamf heralded the arrival of the Pervects. There was a general stampede for the doors. If we hadn't barred them magically I would have lost my entire audience in five seconds.
"You have nothing to worry about!" I shouted over the panicked bleating. "From today onward you will be led by a Wuhs. The Pervects will go back to being consultants, answerable to him, as they were supposed to be from the beginning."
"But who?" Gubbeen asked curiously, once we had coaxed him back to the table. "Who is this Wuhs who will lead us?"
"Wensley," I announced, putting my arm around the hero of the day. "He'll be a great leader. He was ready to sacrifice himself for your greater good, and he's ready to serve you in a less life-threatening capacity."
"But," began Ardrahan, puffing herself up indignantly. "The style with which we are most comfortable is for everyone to have an equal voice in all decisions."
"Not any more," I informed them. "That didn't work. That's how you got in trouble in the first place. Wensley's ready to take all your input and be fair in his judgment, but the final decision has to rest with him. He's in charge now."
As Niki had predicted, the committeefriends conferred and complained, but in the end they agreed with everything we told them to do. The Pervects were relieved. Wensley and Kassery were elated and awed but ready to try. The disenfranchised spokesWuhses were doing their best to influence the new leaders to see their points of view. And I was ready to go home.
"Well, that's that," I stated, shaking hands with Zol Icty. "So, are you going back to Kobol now?"
"No, indeed," the little gray man informed me happily. "I am going to stay here to observe the Pervect Ten assist our young friend there in finally putting Pareley back on the financial map, and then I will go back to Perv with them. I want to study them very closely for the new book I am researching: I'm Okay, You're Pervect. When it's finished I'll send you all copies."
"I'll look forward to it," I thanked him. "I'm going back to my studies. I've still got a lot to learn."
"You're on your way," Zol assured me. "I was very impressed with both your application and your wisdom."
"I'm sorry," Wensley said, turning to me with some embarrassment. "But we can't pay you yet. Wuh is on the financial mend, and your fee will just send us back again into negative territory. I'm sorry."
"How about an in-kind fee instead?" I said.
Wensley looked uncomfortable, but nodded. "We owe you so much. What do you have in mind?" "It's something you already have," I explained. "I'd like to have your D-hopper."
"But you don't need one," the Wuhs said, looking puzzled. "You can already travel the dimensions."
"I know," I acknowledged, "but I do need it. What about it?"
He looked at the others, who were clearly urging him not to give up their precious D-hopper, but he nodded. "It's caused enough trouble here," he decided at last. "I think that once we learn responsibility there will be plenty of time to learn how to travel between the dimensions."
"Thank you," I asserted, tucking the device into my belt pouch. Bunny and Tananda gave me odd looks, knowing I had one just like it in my boot. "Good riddance to it," Loorna insisted, producing the device. She slapped it into my palm.
Paldine came up to join me. "Come on, Skeeve the Magnificent. We've got some Deveels to dazzle."
Oshleen came over to envelop me in a massive, bonecrushing hug. "Any time you need some quality financial work done, honey, you've got a freebie coming."
"I've got a top accountant, thanks," I replied. Bunny, who had not even noticed she had tensed, relaxed and smiled brilliantly at me.
"Well, any time you need someone's hindquarters chewed off, we'd be glad to help out," Charilor offered, showing her teeth.
"Gee, where were you a couple of weeks ago?" I asked, innocently. "I was looking for an organized force to throw out a bunch of Pervects who had taken over another dimension."
To give them credit, the Pervect Ten laughed.
"You've got chutzpah, bubby," Vergetta chuckled, crushing my hand in a tight grip. "Don't be a stranger. Okay, ladies, back to the castle. We've got glasses to enchant." She glanced at Wensley. "Come with us, Sonny. You might learn something."
Tananda, Bunny and I slipped out of the hastily-convened auction going on between members of the Devan Marketing Association. Once I had introduced Paldine and had her display the wares she had to offer, the bidding began at the top of everyone's voice. I had finally gotten a chance to try the Storyteller Goggles (soon to be renamed), and I was sorry my misplaced enthusiasm had deprived the Scammies of them. They were terrific, and the Deveels knew it, too. The Pervomatic also sold itself in a matter of seconds.
I had volunteered to stay, but once I had persuaded Hayner and the others that these Perverts were friends of mine and that any discourtesy to them counted as if it was being done to me, none of them paid much attention to us. I was glad to escape because, as I have said before, one of the few things about the Bazaar that I don't miss is the noise.
Paldine leaned across to shake hands with me before I left.
"I don't know who the Pervect is who befriended you before," she whispered, "but he's lucky. I hope he knows that."
I felt a wrench somewhere around my midsection. "I'm the lucky one. He's been a good friend to me."
Out in the street, where the voices of Deveel merchants and customers weren't bouncing off the walls of a tent, I relaxed.