"A team of my employees did some work there on a pilferage case," I mumbled, not able to take my eyes off the items in the bags. "Are those things really illegal on Perv?"
"We have a lot of ordinances that try to keep the quality of life on Perv high. We haven't been able to stop porn, but we have managed to outlaw trashy, practical joke items like Rubber Doggie Doodle with Realistic Life-Like Aroma that Actually Sticks to Your Hand."
It seemed like a very minor achievement to me, considering the crime on the streets I had already been exposed to. I didn't think that it was wise to point this out just now, though.
"Okay, Captain, let me rephrase my question," I said, looking at the floor. "How much trouble am I in? I mean, what's really involved here... a fine, a jail term, what?" The Pervect was so silent I finally raised my head to meet his gaze directly. He was looking at me with a flat, appraising stare.
"No charges. I'm letting you go," he sighed, finally, shaking his head.
"But I thought..."
"I said it depended on how the questioning went! Well, I just can't believe you'd be stupid enough to get involved in this smuggling thing knowingly. If you had, you'd have protected yourself better than you did. What you did was dumb... but just dumb enough to ring true."
"Gee, thanks, Captain. I..."
"No thanks necessary. Just doing my job. Now get outta here... and Mister Skeeve?"
"I know," I smiled, "don't change hotels or leave the dimension without..."
"Actually," the captain said drily without a trace of warmth in his voice. "I was going to suggest the exact opposite... that you leave the dimension... say, by tomorrow morning?"
"What?"
"I still think you smell of trouble, and these reports confirm it. The smuggling thing just seems like too much small potatoes for you to bother with. I'd rather see you gone than put you in jail on a piddling charge like that... but it's going to be one or the other, get me?" I couldn't believe it! Perv was the nastiest, roughest dimension around and I was being thrown off as an undesirable!!
Chapter Twenty:
"Were you looking for me?"
—DR. LIVINGSTONE
I WAS SURPRISED to find Pookie waiting for me when I got back to the hotel. The police had been nice enough to wait until I had given her her check before hauling me off, so I had thought I'd never see her again.
"Hello, Pookie. What brings you here?"
"I wanted to talk a little business with you," she said. "It didn't seem the right time before, so I waited."
"I see."
After my last experience, I wasn't wild about the idea of doing business with Pervects... especially ones who didn't want to talk in front of the police. Still, Pookie had given me no reason to distrust her.
"Okay. Come on upstairs and say what's on your mind. It seems I'm leaving... on request."
If my statement seemed at all strange to her, she never let on. Instead, she fell in step with me as I entered the hotel. "Actually, what I have to say shouldn't take too long. If I understand correctly, you're on your way off-dimension to rejoin your regular crew in a campaign against someone named Queen Hemlock. Right?"
"That's a fair summation," I nodded. "Why?"
"I thought I'd offer my services to you for the upcoming brawl. I can give you a special discount for work away from Perv because off-dimension prices are lower. That keeps my overhead down."
She flashed me a smile that was gone almost as soon as it appeared.
For some reason, it had never occurred to me to hire her for the Hemlock campaign. Still, the idea had merit. "I don't know, Pookie," I said, trying to weigh the pluses and minuses without taking too much time. "I've already got a couple of bodyguards waiting for me."
"I know," she nodded. "I can do more than bodyguard, and from the sound of the odds you can probably use a little extra help."
"I can use a lot of help!" I admitted.
"Well, even though you couldn't find your friend, it does show that you and yours don't mind working with Pervects. Besides, I can travel the dimensions well enough to get us to Klah directly."
That settled it. I had been unsure that my plan to simply remove my monitor ring would be an effective way to signal Massha for a pickup, and Pookie had just come up with a good way to get there. Whatever Massha was doing right now, I wasn't wild about her dropping everything just to provide me with transport.
"All right. You've got yourself a job," I announced. "Just give me a minute to get things together and we'll be off."
That was my original plan, but as I opened the door to my room, I realized I had a visitor.
"Well, don't just stand there with your mouth open. Are you coming or going?"
If there was any doubt in my mind as to who my visitor was, that greeting banished it.
"AAHZ!"
After all my searching—and soul-searching—I couldn't believe my mentor, friend, and partner was finally in front of my eyes, but there he was!
"That's right. I heard you wanted to talk to me... so talk."
"I suppose it's reassuring to know that some things never change, Aahzmandius... like you."
That last came from Pookie as she slipped past me into the room.
"Pookie!? Is that you?"
For the moment, Aahz seemed to be as dumbstruck as I was.
"You two know each other?"
Surprised and off-stride, I returned to familiar patterns and asked a redundant question.
"Know each other?" Aahz laughed. "Are you kidding? We're cousins!"
"Distant cousins," Pookie corrected without enthusiasm.
"Really? Why didn't you say anything, Pookie?"
"You never asked."
"But... you knew I was looking for him!"
"Actually, it took me a while to put it together, and when I did, I didn't know where he was either. Besides, to tell you the truth, from what I recall, I figured you'd be better off without him."
"Well, well. Little Pookie! Still have the razor tongue, I see."
"Not so little any more, Aahzmandius," the bodyguard said, a dangerous note creeping into her voice. "Try me sometime and you'll see."
It was clear the two of them weren't on the best of terms. I felt it best to intercede before things got ugly.
"How did you get into my room?"
"Bribed the bellhop," my old partner said, returning his attention to me. "Those guys would sell the key to their mother's store if there was a big enough tip in it for them."
An awkward silence followed. Desperately, I cast about for something to say.
"So how have you been, Aahz?" I ventured, realizing how lame it sounded. "You look great."
"Oh, I've been swell... just swell," he spat. "As a matter of fact, it's a good thing I saw your ad in the personals when I did. I was about to head off-dimension. I had forgotten how high the prices are around here." I made a mental note to pay off the bellhop. It looked like his idea of placing an ad had paid off better than all my running around.
"You can say that again," I agreed. " I sure got ambushed by the cost. Of course, I've never been here before, so I couldn't know..."
I broke off, realizing he was staring at me.
"Which brings us back to my original question, Skeeve. What are you doing here and why do you want to talk to me?"
My moment had come, and if Aahz's mood was any indication, I had better make my first pitch good. I probably wouldn't get a second chance. Everything I had considered saying to him the next time we met face to face whirled through my head like a kaleidoscope, mixing randomly with my recent thoughts regarding myself.
My search had given me new insight into Aahz. Seeing the dimension that spawned and shaped him, having learned about his schooldays, and having met his mother, I had a much clearer picture of what made my old partner tick. While I was ready to use that information, I resolved never to let him know how much I had learned. Someday, when he was ready, he might share some of it with me voluntarily, but until then I felt it was best to let him think his privacy was still unbroached. Of course, that still left me groping for what to say here and now. Should I beg him to come back with me? Should I play on our friendship... or use the campaign against Queen Hemlock to lure him back for just one more job?