lookin' behind you when they did it. Wildest thing I ever
saw. One second they was runnin' for their lives, and
the next they're flutterin' up into the dark. Are all the
other dimensions like this?"
"Vampires...."
Actually, my shock wasn't all that great. Realizing
the things Aahz and I had run into cruising the so-called
"known and safe" dimensions, I had expected some-
thing a bit out of the ordinary in this one. If anything, I
was a bit relieved. The second shoe had been dropped
... and it really wasn't all that bad! That is, it could
have been worse. (If hanging around with Aahz had
40
taught me anything, it was that things could always be
worse!) The repetitive nature of my conversational bril-
liance was merely a clever ploy to cover my mental ef-
forts to both digest this new bit of information and
decide what to do with it.
"Vampires are rare in any dimension," my appren-
tice replied, stepping into the void to answer Guide's
question. "What's more, they're pretty much feared
universally. What I can't figure out is why those two
were so scared of Skeeve here."
"Then again," I said thoughtfully, "there's the ques-
tion of whether or not we can safely assume the whole
dimension is populated with beings like the two we just
met. I know it's a long shot, but we might have run into
the only two vampires in the place."
"I dunno. High Roller. They acted pretty much at
home here, and they sure didn't think you'd find any-
thing unusual about their appearance. My guess is that
they're the norm and we're the exceptions around
here."
"Whatever," I said, reaching a decision at last,
"they're the only two examples we have to work with so
far, so that's what we'll base our actions on until proven
different."
"So what do we do against a bunch of vampires?"
As a bodyguard, Guido seemed a bit uneasy about
our assessment of the situation.
"Relax," I smiled. "The first order of business is to
turn on the old reliable disguise spell. Just a few quick
touch-ups and they won't be able to tell us apart from
the natives. We could walk through a town of vampires
and they'd never spot us."
With that, I closed my eyes and went to work. Like I
told the staff, this was going to be easy. Maintain
everyone's normal appearance except for paler skin,
42
MYTH-ING PERSONS 43
Robert Asprin
longer canines, and a little artful reddening of the eyes,
and the job was done.
"Okay," I said, opening my eyes again. "What's
next?"
"I don't like to quote you back at yourself. Hot
Stuff," Massha drawled, "but didn't you say something
about disguises being the first thing before we went any
further?"
"Of course. That's why I just. .. wait a minute. Are
you trying to say we still have the same appearance as
before I cast the spell?"
One of the problems with casting a disguise spell is
that as the caster, I can never see the effects. That is, I
see people as they really are whether the spell is on or
not. I had gotten so used to relying on the effects of this
particular spell that it had never occurred to me that it
might not work.
Massha and Guido were looking at each other with no
small degree of concern.
"ymmm ... maybe you forgot."
"Try again."
"That's right! This time remember to...."
"Hold it, you two," I ordered in my most com-
manding tone. "From your reactions, I perceive that the
answer to my questions is 'yes.' That is, that the spell
didn't work. Now just ease up a second and let me
think. Okay?"
For a change they listened to me and lapsed into a
respectful silence. I might have taken a moment to savor
the triumph if I wasn't so worried about the problem.
The disguise spell was one of the first spells I had
learned, and until now was one of my best and most
reliable tools. If it wasn't working, something was
seriously wrong. Now I knew that stepping through the
door hadn't lessened my knowledge of that particular
spell, so that meant that if something was haywire, it
would have to be in the....
"Hey, Hot Stuff! Check the force lines!"
Apparently my apprentice and I had reached the con-
clusion simultaneously. A quick magical scan of the sky
overhead and the surrounding terrain confirmed my
worst fears. At first I thought there were no force lines
at all. Then I realized that they were there, but so faint
that it took nearly all of my reserve power just to detect
them.
"What's all this about force lines?" Guido de-
manded.
Massha heaved an impatient sigh.
"If you're going to run with this crowd. Dark and
Deadly, you'd best start learning a little about the magic
biz ... or at least the vocabulary. Force lines are invis-
ible streams of energy that flow through the ground and
the air. They're the source of power we tap into when
we do our bibbity-bobbity-boo schtick. That means that
in a land like this one, where the force lines are either
non-existent or very weak...."
". .. you can't do squat," the bodyguard finished for
her. "Hey, Boss! If what she says is true, how come
those two you just met could still do that bat-trick?"
"By being very, very good in the magic department.
To do so much with so little means they don't miss a
trick... pardon the pun ... in tapping and using force
lines. In short, they're a lot better than either Massha or
me at the magic game."
"That makes sense." Massha nodded. "In any di-
mension I've been in that had vampires, they were some
of the strongest magic-slingers around. If this is what
they have to train on, I can see why they run hog-wild
when they hit a dimension where the force lines are both
plentiful and powerful."
44 Robert Asprin
I rubbed my forehead, trying desperately to think and
to forestall the headache I felt coming on. Right on
schedule, things were getting worse!
"I don't suppose you have anything in your jewelry
collection that can handle disguises, do you?"
Despite our predicament, Massha gave a low laugh.
"Think about it. High Roller. If I had anything that
could do disguises, would I walk around looking like
this?"
"So we get to take on a world of hot-shot magic types
with our own cover fire on low ammo," Guido sum-
marized.
"Okay. So it'll be a little tougher than I thought at
first. Just remember my partner has been getting along
pretty well these last few years without any powers at
all."
"Your partner is currently sitting in the hoosegow for
murder," Guido said pointedly. "That's why we're here
in the first place. Remember?"
"Besides," I continued, ignoring his comment (that's
another skill I've learned from Aahz), "it's never been