"We'll burn that bridge when we come to it," I
sighed. "But remember, we aren't that easy to kill. At
least one of us will probably make it back."
Fortunately, my mind was wrenched away from that
unpleasant train of thought by the arrival of Guido.
"Ready to go. Boss."
Despite the desperateness of the situation and the
haunting time pressures, I found myself gaping at him.
"What's that?" I managed at last.
Guido was decked out in a long dark coat and wear-
ing a wide-brimmed hat and sunglasses.
"These? These are my work clothes," he said
32 Robert Asprin
proudly. "They're functional as well as decorative."
"They're what?"
"What I mean is, not only do people find 'em in-
timidating, the trench coat has all these little pockets in-
side, see? That's where I carry my hardware."
"But...."
"Hi, Hot Stuff. Nice outfit, Guido."
"Thanks! I was just telling the Boss here about it."
Massha was dressed ... or should I say undressed in
her work clothes. A brief vest struggled to cover even
part of her massive torso, while an even briefer bottom
was on the verge of surrendering its battle completely.
"Ummm ....assha?" I said carefully. "I've always
meant to ask. Why don't you... ummm... wear
more?"
"I like to dress cool when we're going into a hot situa-
tion," she winked. "You see, when things speed up, I
get a little nervous... and the only thing worse than
havin' a fat broad around is havin' a sweaty fat broad
around."
"I think it's a sexy outfit," Guido chimed in. "Re-
minds me of the stuff my old man's moll used to wear."
"Well thanks. Dark and Deadly. I'd say your old
man had good taste ... but I never tasted him."
I studied them thoughtfully as they shared a laugh
over Massha's joke. Any hope of a quiet infiltration of
this unknown dimension was rapidly disintegrating.
Either Guido or Massha alone was eye-catching, but
together they were about as inconspicuous as a circus
parade and an army maneuver sharing the same road.
Then it occurred to me that, not knowing what things
were like where we were heading, they might fit in and /
would stand out. It was a frightening thought. If every-
body there looked like this....
I forced the thought from my mind. No use scaring
MYTH-ING PERSONS 33
myself any more than I had to before there was in-
formation to back it up. What was important was that
my two assistants were scared. They were trying hard
not to show it, but in doing so, each was dropping into
old patterns, slipping behind old character masks.
Guido was playing his "tough gangster" bit to the hilt,
while Massha was once more assuming her favorite
"vamp" character with a vengeance. The bottom line,
though, was that, scared or not, they were willing to
back my move or die trying. It would have been touch-
ing, if it weren't for the fact that it meant they were
counting on me for leadership. That meant I had to stay
calm and confident... no matter how scared I felt my-
self. It only occurred to me as an afterthought that, in
many ways, leadership was the mask / was learning to
slip behind when things got tight. It made me wonder
briefly if anyone ever really knew what they were doing
or felt truly confident, or if life was simply a mass game
of role-playing.
"Okay. Are we ready?" I asked, shrugging off my
wandering thoughts. "Massha? Got your jewelry?"
"Wearing most of it, and the rest is right here," she
said, patting the pouch on her belt.
While I will occasionally make snide mental com-
ments about my apprentice's jewelry, it serves a dual
purpose. Massha's baubles are in reality a rather exten-
sive collection of magical gimmicks she has accumulated
over the years. How extensive? Well, before she signed
on as my apprentice to learn real magic, she was holding
down a steady job as the magician for the city-state of
Ta-hoe on the dimension of Jahk solely on the strength
of her collected mechanical "powers." While I agreed
with Aahz that real magic was preferable to mechanical
in that it was less likely to malfunction (a lesson learned
from first-hand experience) I sure didn't mind having
Robert Asprin
34 MYTH-ING PERSONS 35
her arsenal along for back-up.
"You know that tracking ring? The one you used to
find the king? Any chance there's an extra tucked away
in your pouch?"
"Only have the one," she said, waggling the ap-
propriate finger.
I cursed mentally, then made the first of what I feared
would be many unpleasant decisions on this venture.
"Give it to Nunzio. Tananda and Chumley will need
it to find us."
"But if we leave it behind, how are we going to find
your partner?"
"We'll have to figure out something, but we can't
afford to divide our forces. Otherwise, even if we get
Aahz, we could still end up wandering around out there
trying to find the other half of the rescue team."
"If you say so. Hot Stuff," she grimaced, handing
over the ring, "but I hope you know what you're
doing."
"So do I, Massha, so do I. Okay, gang, let's see what
our backyard is really like!"
From the outside, our place looked a lot more impres-
sive than the side that showed in the Bazaar. It really did
look like a castle ... a rather ominous one at that,
squatting alone on a hilltop. I really didn't study it too
close, though, beyond being able to recognize it again
for our trip out. As might be expected, my main atten-
tion was focused on the new dimension itself.
"Kinda dark, ain't it."
Guide's comment was more statement than question,
and he was right.
Wherever we were, the lighting left a lot to be desired.
At first I thought it was night, which puzzled me, as so
far in my travels all dimensions seemed to be on the
same sun-up and sun-down schedule. Then my eyes
adjusted to the gloom and I realized the sky was simply
heavily overcast... to a point where next to no light at
all penetrated, giving a night-like illusion to the day.
Aside from that, from what I could see, this new land
seemed pretty much like any of the others I had visited:
Trees, underbrush, and a road leading to or from the
castle, depending on which way you were facing. I think
it was Tananda who was fond of saying "If you've seen
one dimension, you've seen them all." Chumley, her
brother, argued that the reason for the geologic similari-
ties was that all the dimensions we traveled were differ-
ent realities off the same base. This always struck me as
being a bit redundant... "They're all alike because
they're the same? C'mon Chumley!", but his rebuttals
always left me feeling like I'd been listening to someone
doing readings in another language, so of late I've been
tending to avoid the discussions.
"Well, Hot Stuff, what do we do now?"