When ah get tae the kitchen, there’s a letter fae Regula lyin there. Naw a real letter, mair a kindae note.
Dear Goalie,
Thanks fur ivrythin. Yir a gem so ye ur. Ah didnae want tae wake ye. Can ah kip at yours again thenight if ah hivnae found anythin afore the evenin? Will ye leave a key under the plant fur me? That wid be a great help. Many thanks again. Luv & see you soon,
Regula
Ah read the letter fifteen times, fur sure. Course, ye kin sleep at mine. Thenight. Themorra night. The next thoosan years if ye fuckin want!
Ah’ll get the flat nice ‘n’ clean fur ye. Then ah’ll change the bed again. Ah’ll gi’e this dump a guid fuckin airin. Mibbe ah’ll even buy flooers, tae make the place nice. Even if, at this time ae year, ye kin only get they ugly laboratory-flooers fae some Dutch nuclear-reactor greenhouse or ither.
As if ah gi’e a fuck! Ah read Regula’s letter anither ten times. Twenty times. A hunner times!
15
As ah suspected. Stofer’s naw the worst cunt in the world. Course, he his his flaws, who disnae? He wis brand new but when ah needed him. Drew me a great wee map, wrote doon the name an’ address ae a Spanish guy fur me, gave me two keys an’ tellt me tae be careful, naw tae fuckin break anythin an’ tae turn the water aff again when ah wis leavin. Afore ah did leave, ah wis tae tell this Hector guy that wis me goin so he knew the hoose wis empty. Ah didnae hiv tae clean it, Hector’s wife wid dae that.
Who’s this Hector guy?
The guy at the address ah gave ye. He looks eftir the hoose. Look, there, ah wrote it doon fur ye.
Ah know. Whit kinda guy is he but?
He’s cool. Ye’ll see fur yirsel. He lives next door, practically, in whit used tae be the chapel hoose. Say hi fae me.
When ah got hame, Regula wis awready there. Ahd pit a key unner the plant fur her.
She looked a bit better than the evenin before, still naw ideal but. Above aw: she’d cooked summit nice. Even fae a distance it smelt guid.
Ye dont hiv tae cook fur me!
Ah wantit tae. It distracted me a bit.
Wur gaun tae Spain themorra, Regi!
Who?
Jist us. Jist you an’ me!
Me? How me? Ur ye mad? Ahv nae mair holidays tae take.
Wur naw goin oan holiday. It’s an educational trip wur gaun oan. Tell Pesche it’s personal development. The course lasts a fortnight. Or get the doctor tae write ye a line. It’s naw as if yir short ae reasons.
It took a while — in the end ah persuaded her but. Sometimes it’s handy tae hiv the gift ae the gab a bit. Ah called Dr Wydenmeyer.
Whit’s it aboot, the receptionist wantit tae know.
It’s a very delicate matter. If at aw possible, ah shid only discuss it wi the doctor.
Wait a moment, please. Ah’ll see if he’s free tae come tae the phone.
Ah’ll wait, thanks, yeah.
He tellt her tae come an’ see him first thing the next mornin. An’ when he seen her, he said she shoulda come straight tae him. Right away, when Buddy battered her. He wrote her a line fur an unlimited period an’ they made an appointment fur eftir the trip.
As ahm aye sayin: if yiv a doctor like Dr Wydenmeyer, yiv summit solid tae build oan. Wydenmeyer’s someone who his a feel fur people. Who knows who needs whit an’ when. In addition tae that — an’ that’s naw tae be sneezed at eether — Dr Wydenmeyer’s oan the side ae they folk who hivnae got it easy. Whit mair kin ye ask fur in a doctor?
That eftirnoon, we took the train tae Paris, via Berne an’ Neuchâtel. Ah hidnae been able tae get haud ae a car. It didnae matter but. It wisnae as faur as ah thought. We’d tae get fae wan station in Paris tae anither yin, then in — Gare Austerlitz, it wis cawed — we took the night train that goes tae Hendaye via Bordeaux. An amazin journey. Above aw, if Regula is wi ye an’ yiv enough rid wine.
The next mornin, we crossed the border oan fit. Ah know the area. Hendaye an’ Irún hiv grown tae become wan place, practically. Ye kid take a kinda tram an’ aw. Ah preferred tae walk but.
So we foot it across an’ in Irún go tae where the intercity buses set aff fae. Afore we leave, we hiv an aniseed brandy oan the rocks an’ some guid ham. Then it’s aboot five oors oan the bus, then the ferry, fae the toon o’er tae the village.
Wee Stofer’s hoose is pretty high up oan a hill. Course, it’s in a village. It’s jist at the very top but. Fortunately, we hidnae a loatae luggage, cos itherwise, itherwise we’d’ve been flaggin oan the way up, Regi wi aw her worries, an’ me wi aw ma muscles (not).
That it’s so faur up isnae whit sets the hoose inherited by wee Stofer apart the maist. Whit sets it apart is above aw the wee ferry ye take tae get tae the village. Ye kin, in fact, drive a car up tae it. Ye hiv tae hiv wan first but — a car ah mean. Fae the toon, ye see, the bus takes ye tae, ye kin see Stofer’s village oan the ither side ae the bay. If ye want tae go there but, ye kin eether dae a massive detour by road or take the direct route across the water. Course, we preferred the sea option.
It’s ferryboats wi naw much ae a hull we’re talkin aboot. They’d be constantly runnin ashore itherwise. Oan sandbars. Even wi naw much ae a hull but, yiv nae guarantee ye wont run ashore suddenly an’ be stuck fur an oor, waitin fur high tide.
That’s how the ferrymen need tae know the route like the back ae their hauns. Sometimes, it’s centimetres that ur at stake. That’s whit wan ae them tellt me anyhow. Aboot sixty, he wis, an’ he immediately started tae chat oan the ferry. His German wis really guid. Turned oot, he’d worked in Germany furra lang time. Near Karlsruhe, in a carpentry shop. A really nice guy, honestly.
When we tellt him we wur fae Switzerland an’ wur goney spend a few weeks in anither Swiss guy’s hoose, he said he knew the hoose we meant. It hid belonged tae a German, he’d lost his life naw that long ago but. He didnae know the guy who’d then bought it.
Naw, ah said, naw. The previous owner, faur as ah know, wisnae German but wee Stofer’s uncle. An’ wee Stofer didnae buy it. He inherited it fae that uncle.
Valentin — that wis the name ae oor new friend — jist gestured summit. It wis his way, nae doot, ae tellin us those wur unimportant details jist. He then said he didnae want tae know the details anyhow. Ah dae but, ah said, ahd like tae. Ah like details, even as a schoolboy ah drove the teachers mad cos ah wis aye harpin oan aboot the details ae a story. An’ that’s how ah wis sae keen tae hear whit kinda guy hid owned this hoose.
Valentin got a bit mair seriouser an’ said it wis a lang story. An’ anyhoo: we’d only jist arrived. Regula got aff the ferry, Valentin showed us the way up, then we said cheerio an’ thanks an’ above aw: invited him tae visit us. He shid drap by some time, come fur his tea, soon as we’d settled in a bit. Thanks, he said, he wid, definately