“Be. Cause.”
“Rowen? What’s the deal? I give you a piece of news that should have you dancing a goddamned leprechaun jig right now, and instead, you look like you’re about to go to your best friend’s funeral. I’m not following.”
I took two full breaths. “Jax, thank you for the news, and I’m sorry I’m not living up to your expectations in the reaction department. I need some time to myself right now. Some time to think.”
Jax’s eyes turned to Mar, who’d been watching the whole exchange with rapt interest.
“She was visiting me during my break. But I’ve got to get back to work now.” I still had a few hours left of my shift, but I was going to ask Sid if he’d let me leave early. I needed to sort out some stuff, and something about doughnuts, disco, and Sid and Alex’s evening “exchanges” told me sorting stuff out at Mojo would be impossible.
“I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of meeting . . .” Jax glanced at Mar and waited for me to make the introductions. Jax would not take a hint.
“Jax, meet Mar. Mar, meet Jax.” I waved my hand between the two and slid out of the booth.
“Pleasure,” Jax said, his expression the opposite of his greeting.
Mar nodded at Jax then stood. “Thanks for the dinner, Girlie.”
“You’re welcome.” I stood and crossed my arms.
Taking one long look at Jax, she gave me a purposeful look. “Now that’s a muse.”
As Mar shoved through the front door, Jax shouldered up beside me and watched her. “Wow. I gotta give it you to, Rowen. You do know how to pick them. A hick for a boyfriend and a homeless woman as your lunch buddy.”
I found Jax’s snide comments hard to swallow on a normal day, but right then? I couldn’t deal. “There’s the door, Jax.” I thrust my finger toward it.
“I know where it is. I came through it.” He looked at me, and from his lack of concern, I guessed the way I felt hadn’t made its way to my outside yet. “Why are you in such a hurry for me to leave? I just got here.”
“Because I’m not in the mood for adding a misdemeanor to my record tonight.” I quirked an eyebrow, and a moment later, Jax got it.
“That’s the last time I’m bringing you good news,” he said, stuffing his hands in his jacket pocket and marching for the door.
“Promise?”
As he shoved out the door, Jax paused. “Shit, Rowen. What the hell is wrong with you?”
That was the million dollar question.
I’VE HAD ONE priority for the past month, and that’s keeping Rowen in the dark about what I’ve been battling. I don’t want her to know. I don’t want her to be a part of it. I don’t want her near it. I want her as far away from the poison flowing through me as I can keep her.
But after the nightmare I had last night, I couldn’t keep that a priority any longer. I gave myself a minute to calm down when I jolted awake. I wiped the sweat from my face and waited for my heart rate to return to an almost normal beat. Then I reached for my phone on the floor beside me and punched in her number without thinking. It was early, just past four in the morning, and even though I knew my call would wake her, I can’t not make it. After the dream I had, I can’t not hear her voice and know she’s safe. Her piercing screams had repeated my name in my sleep all night, over and over again, calling for me, waiting for me. I’d struggled to get to her, I’d fought against my restraints until I’d blacked out, but I couldn’t get to her. I couldn’t save her from the pain. I couldn’t save her from the horror I’d unknowingly dragged her into.
My breathing was still ragged at the first ring. It hadn’t calmed down any by the second. When she answered on the third, it stopped altogether.
“Jesse?”
Oh, god. She wasn’t asleep at all. Her voice was strained, exactly how it’d been in my dream. That jacked my heartbeat right back up to its former level. “Rowen? What’s the matter?” There was silence on the other end. So much that I threw off the covers and reached for my jeans. “Rowen? Are you okay?”
I heard a muffled sound, like a sob she tried to stop short but sneaked out anyways. “I don’t know,” she said, her voice quiet and hoarse . . . and well, it terrified me.
I was no longer sure if I was in a real or dream world, but I didn’t care. All I knew was that Rowen was hurting and I was restraint free. I could get to her. I had to get to her. “Are you hurt? Do you need the police or medical attention?” It took everything inside of me to keep my voice level and strong. I felt the total opposite, but I managed it for her. She needed me to stay together.
“Jesse, no. No, I’m fine.” She sniffled and cleared her throat. When she spoke again, her voice was a bit more composed. “I’m sorry. I’m fine. Really. You just caught me at a bad time.”
I felt a fraction better knowing she was safe and unharmed, at least physically. “What’s wrong, Rowen? Tell me.” It was no longer a question of if something was wrong.
“I just . . . we need to . . . I need to talk to you.”
I could feel the battle she was fighting trying to get out each word. I kept up the strong act even though the uncertainty of what she wanted to talk about strangled me. “I’m here now, free as long as you need me. What do you need to talk about?”
“Not on the phone. I don’t want to say this without being able to look into your eyes.”
That admission doesn’t set me any more at ease. I balanced the phone between my ear and shoulder and slid into my jeans. “I’m coming. I’m on my way.” I buttoned them and grabbed a T-shirt from the stack in my dresser.
“What? No, Jesse, you can’t drop everything and come see me. Don’t be ridiculous.” Rowen’s voice was getting back to normal, but I couldn’t shake the way it had sounded when she’d first answered. I’d never forget it. “I’ll be out in a couple weekends, and we can talk then. Really, it can wait. You just caught me in a weak moment.”
If she thought I would be okay waiting almost two weeks to know what was upsetting her, she really hadn’t figured me out. There was no way I could just go about my day like everything was fine with her when something clearly wasn’t. “Rowen, I’m coming. I’m leaving in the next five minutes.”
“Jesse—”
“I love you. I’ll see you soon.” I pulled on my socks and boots and slid on my hat before yanking open my bedroom door.
She let out a long sigh. “I love you, too. But really, I’m okay now.”
From the way she’d sounded, I doubted it; even if she was okay, I wasn’t. I had to see her. It had been too long, and we were both obviously going through some big things.
After Rowen and I said our good-byes and she again tried to discourage me from coming and I again discouraged her from continuing to discourage me, I charged down the stairs. I was headed for the front door when someone emerged from the kitchen.
“Hitting the morning chores a little early, aren’t you, sweetie?”
“I’m going to see Rowen, Mom.” I grabbed my jacket from the coat rack and threw it on. “I know you and Dad need me here right now, and I know this probably seems incredibly irresponsible and impulsive, but I need to get to her. I need to get to her now.”
Mom leaned into the kitchen doorway and smiled. “Jess, that’s the first responsible thing I’ve heard you say in weeks.”
I smiled back at Mom. No one could have stopped me, but getting through the front door without a fight was a weight off my shoulders. “Will you tell Dad? I’ll call you tonight once I get there and know how long I’ll be.”
“I’ll tell him.”
Needing to get behind the wheel and start ticking off some miles, I opened the front door.
“Wait! If you think I’m letting you drive ten hours nonstop like I know you will”—she gave me an accusatory look—“with an empty stomach, you really don’t know the woman who raised you.” After rushing into the kitchen, Mom hurried back with a lunch box and a thermos. “Since my summer help up and quit with no notice last night, I had to get up early to make breakfast burritos. I already have half a batch done, so you’re in luck. The coffee’s fresh and strong.” She winked and handed me a road-trip breakfast, lunch, and hopefully not dinner. If I pushed it, I’d be in Seattle before five.