“You’re as crazy as Jigsaw,” Jackson said.
“If that’s true, then it’s all because of you.” Heathcliff pointed an angry finger at Jackson. “You tortured me with your stupid pranks. You made me feel small and insignificant. My IQ is a billion times yours, yet you walked around like you owned our school.”
“Heathcliff, I was a different person then,” Jackson said.
“Maybe, but there’s more like you out there. There’s a million Jackson Joneses. Maybe billions, and the only way to stop them is to take their minds off picking on nerds and geeks. I’m going to give them something else to concentrate on—like the end of the world. Simon says turn on your machine, Dr. Jigsaw. Let’s keep washing our hands of this whole stinking planet. North America next, I think.”
Dr. Jigsaw climbed a small flight of stairs to a platform beneath the satellite dish. “This will only take a minute, Simon.”
Jigsaw pushed buttons, and the machine’s humming grew dramatically. There was a loud grinding sound, along with beeps and twitters. Then a green beam shot out of the top of the rod and zipped into the sky above. “It’s starting!” the weird scientist cried.
“Stop this, Jigsaw,” Brand begged. “You’re killing yourself, too.” The secret agent hobbled forward to stop him, but Dumb Vinci knocked Brand to the ground.
The tractor beam was at full power, and the room rocked back and forth as if it were on a stormy sea.
A huge video monitor rose up out of the floor and flickered to life. It was set to a kids’ puppet show, but that was quickly interrupted by an urgent newscast. A startled reporter appeared on the screen.
“We’re joining you now live from the CNN newsroom. Reports are coming in of earthquakes in California, North Carolina, Yucatán, and Newfoundland. Another report just in to the newsroom claims that a massive tidal wave slammed into the North Slope of Alaska. We’re going to check in with our meteorologist, Christopher Storm, to see if he can give us any insight on these incredible, almost simultaneous natural disasters.”
The image changed to a nervous man looking over a computer readout. His face was pale and terrified. “Yes. First, I’m not really sure how to explain what is happening around the continent. These are phenomena like I’ve never seen, and I’m not sure there are words that would do them justice. What I can say is our satellites are telling us that North America seems to be moving. Again, North America seems to be moving. Now, there may have been some massive change in the tectonic plates, but I can’t imagine what could have triggered it. For now, the National Weather Service is declaring a state of emergency for the United States. Canada, Mexico, and other countries are doing the same. Viewers are encouraged to stay in their homes. If you’re on the street, there’s a very good chance that you could die, so please, just stay indoors. Wait, I have some satellite pictures. Can we show them?”
Some images from space appeared on the screen. It was clear that they were tracking the movement of North America as it was drifting eastward toward Europe.
“I can’t believe it,” the weatherman said. “I just can’t believe it!”
“Look at the destruction you’re causing!” Duncan cried.
“I’m doing this for us,” Heathcliff said as he turned his back on his former teammate.
“Destroy the beam!” Ruby shouted, and the NERDS rushed into action. Matilda fired concussion blasts, and Flinch punched the satellite dish with superpowered fists. But before they could do any real damage, they heard Heathcliff’s voice once more.
“Simon says stop it!” he shouted.
And that’s when Jackson knew things had gone from bad to worse. He looked over at his teammates. Each of them was in a deep trance. Their eyes glazed over.
“Kill Jackson Jones and the Hyena,” Heathcliff said.
“Yes,” they said in unison.
“Uh, if you can use those superbraces, now would be a good time,” the Hyena cried.
The entire team attacked at once. Jackson tried to stop them. He turned his braces into a giant flyswatter and smacked Matilda out of the sky. Then the flyswatter morphed into a gigantic hand, scooped up some henchmen, and tossed them at Duncan and Ruby. Next the braces turned into a metal cage that clamped down over Flinch. Jackson was actually beating his own team of superspies, but the cage had been a terrible mistake. Flinch punched the bars, ripping a huge hole in them. The little nanobytes in Jackson’s mouth swirled in agitation and slinked back onto his teeth. As his teammates approached again, he tried to activate his braces once more, but they popped and smoked. Flinch had damaged them, and now they were useless.
“I’m afraid we have a problem,” he said to the Hyena.
“All right, I guess I have to do everything around here,” she said as she reached into her pocket and took out a pair of earplugs. “Put these in your ears.”
“What are these for?”
The Hyena frowned. “I have an ability myself.”
“Like my braces?”
“Yes, and just as embarrassing. Put these in your ears and promise me you won’t take them out until I tell you.”
“Fine,” Jackson said, though he was totally confused. He shoved the plugs into his ears and smiled at the pretty assassin. “Happy? Oh, that’s weird. I can barely hear myself.”
Whatever the Hyena’s plan, Jackson was sure he and the assassin would be killed at any moment by his superpowered teammates. But suddenly they stopped. Bewildered, he watched as one after the other began to smirk, then shake, and though he couldn’t hear, it was clear they were breaking down into complete hysterical laughter. Jackson turned to his partner and saw that she was giggling herself … but not as uncontrollably as everyone else in the room. Jackson had to know what was going on so he took the earplugs out. What he heard was the most obnoxious, donkeylike, ridiculous laugh he had ever heard. It came out of the Hyena, and was so silly and stupid he couldn’t help but laugh at it too. Soon his chuckle grew into a guffaw and the guffaw into a chortle and the chortle into a gut-busting, pain-inducing laugh. He was about to fall over from the pain in his side when the Hyena snatched his earplugs out of his hand and shoved them back into his ears. Her laughter disappeared, as did his giggle fit. He now knew where his partner got her name.
Finally, the Hyena removed the earplugs from his ears again. Jackson surveyed her attack. Everyone was on the floor holding their bellies—even Heathcliff and Dr. Jigsaw. Unfortunately, the green beam from the satellite dish was still blasting into space.
“If we’re going to save the world, we’d better do it now,” the Hyena said.
“But I don’t have my upgrades.” Jackson said. What could he do? He was just a kid with a broken pair of bionic braces. How did he get to such a point in his life? From star quarterback, to nerd with magnetized dental appliances, to secret agent in major trouble. And then it hit him.
“Help me get Flinch to his feet,” he shouted as the two raced to the tiny boy’s side. They helped him up and shook him until he stopped laughing and could concentrate on what they were saying. “Flinch, have you got enough juice in your harness to toss something at that machine?”
Flinch reached into his pocket and took out a box of chocolate-covered raisins. “I will! What do you have in mind?”
“Me,” Jackson said.
Agent Brand staggered to his feet, still giggling, and grabbed Jackson by the arm. “Absolutely not.”
“When you asked me to join the team, you said I reminded you of yourself, right? What would you do to save the world?” Jackson said as he turned back to Flinch. “Have you ever tossed a football?”