Without the gaggle of friends that usually surrounded him, Jackson felt like a ghost—a formless entity that no one could see or hear. He could have worn a clown suit to school or danced Irish jigs with his hair on fire and no one would have batted an eye, not even his old gang. He watched them from afar as they ate their lunches in the cafeteria. When they laughed, he laughed. When they whispered to one another, he imagined being part of their secret.
He was, in a word, pathetic. But it was during these lonely days that Jackson began to notice things about his friends he had never noticed before. For example, Steve Sarver smelled each bite of his food before he ate it. It didn’t matter whether he was having egg salad or peanut butter and jelly, he sniffed then chewed. Sniffed, chewed. Sniffed, chewed. Sniffed, chewed.
Ron Schultz limped, favoring his right leg. Lori Baker licked her lips every 2.3 seconds (Jackson timed it). Jenise Corron wouldn’t eat peas. Even his former best friend, Brett Bealer, who had once seemed like the coolest kid Jackson knew, had an odd quirk—he skipped when he ran.
As Jackson sat on the school bus one afternoon thinking about some of the quirks he had seen that day, he felt a tingling sensation at the back of his brain. It swept through his whole body and set his imagination on fire. Why did his friends do the things they did? Were they aware of their strange habits? He decided to dedicate himself to unlocking the mystery of their puzzling behavior.
The next day he began his life as a spy in earnest. He eavesdropped on his friends’ conversations. He followed them home. He opened their mail. He dug into their trash for clues. Remarkably, no one questioned his activities. No one stopped to ask why he was sorting through disgusting bags of garbage. Jackson was a social outcast, a misfit, a nerd—kids like that were always doing weird things; it hardly deserved attention. Jackson really was like a ghost.
Eventually, he found clues—little scraps of evidence like puzzle pieces. When they were assembled, they created a picture of the person Jackson was watching. Soon, he knew more about his old friends than they knew about themselves. Steve had once had a violent case of food poisoning from some bad clams he had eaten in Playa del Carmen, Mexico; Ron had an ingrown toenail; Lori drank too much cranberry juice, which gave her a bad case of dry mouth; Jenise had once had a pea lodged in her nostril for two weeks; and Brett, well, he just liked to skip.
To his amazement, Jackson realized that all his former friends were misfits too. Each of them had some bizarre habit that could have easily gotten them ostracized … if anyone had noticed. But his discovery puzzled Jackson. If everyone was an oddball, why had he been singled out as a nerd? Resentment set in, and Jackson contemplated revenge. He considered posting a list of his friends’ bizarre tics on every locker in Nathan Hale Elementary. How would Brett and the others like it when they were the objects of ridicule? How would they feel when they had to eat their lunches under the stairs? But something kept Jackson from carrying out his plan. Not loyalty, he realized, but the fact that his “spy” work had been fun. If he was being honest, it was the most fun he had ever had. And if he wanted to do more of it, he couldn’t risk exposure.
The problem with mysteries is once they are solved, they become boring. So when Jackson was done with his former friends, he began spying on other students, and then when they got boring, he moved on to the teachers and staff, the PTA, the band director, and even the crossing guard. Soon Jackson had unlocked nearly every secret at Nathan Hale, and worried that he might have to turn to schoolwork to keep himself occupied. But then, like a ray of sunshine from the heavens above, the “nerd herd” stumbled into his life.
They consisted of five of the most awkward kids in the history of fifth grade: Duncan Dewey, a chubby African American kid whose diet consisted entirely of paste; Matilda Choi, a wheezing and gasping Korean American who was never far from her inhalers; Heathcliff Hodges, a freckled kid whose outrageous overbite made him look like a camel; Ruby Peet, a scratching, sniffing, sweating, and swollen collection of allergies; and finally, Julio Escala, otherwise known as “Flinch.” Julio was a walking ball of energy spiked by the dozens of cookies, candy bars, and sugary sodas he consumed each day. He was so hyperactive he appeared as a blur.
Jackson had never really noticed these particular nerds before. It was easy to overlook them. The nerd herd never participated in any clubs or sports. They steered clear of social settings like dances and pep rallies. They had no use for other kids—not even other nerds. It boggled Jackson’s mind, but it was almost as if the nerd herd didn’t want to fit in.
When Jackson told his brother about the herd, Chaz bristled. “You sound like you’re envious of them.”
Though he didn’t admit it to Chaz, Jackson realized that his brother was sort of right. The herd might have been a collection of misshapen goobers, but at least they had each other. They were inseparable, and Jackson longed to have that kind of friendship again. When he realized he was jealous of a bunch of nerds, it was such a shock he accidentally clamped his teeth down on his thumb. His braces locked together like a vice, requiring a visit from the fire department with their “Jaws of Life.”
The next day, thumb in a splint, Jackson set out to solve the mystery of the herd. It wasn’t easy. He knew close to nothing about them. Besides lactose-free pudding, the only thing that Duncan, Heathcliff, Matilda, Ruby, and Flinch seemed interested in was reading quietly in the library. Jackson had been completely unaware that his school had a library. At first he was dumbfounded that anyone would want to spend their free time around so many books, but then he spotted the school’s librarian, Ms. Holiday. She was an angel in a cardigan sweater. She had blonde hair, skin like milk, and smart-looking glasses that magnified her gorgeous blue eyes. She was so pretty, Jackson could barely concentrate, and promptly fell over a shelving cart, dumping books everywhere. However, he soon discerned that Ms. Holiday was not the reason the herd hung out in the library. The boys in the herd paid little attention to her or her dazzling smile, and the girls, even less. They actually read the books!
When the bell rang at the end of free period, the herd filed out into the hall. Jackson looked at the books they left behind. Duncan was reading a book on the chemical compounds in glue. Heathcliff’s book was on military mind-control experiments. Matilda had been studying the aerodynamic qualities of rockets. Ruby was reading a guide to surviving hay fever, and Flinch, well, Jackson couldn’t tell what he had been reading since the pages were covered in chocolate and nougat.
The nerd herd’s reading material was as mysterious as they were. Hoping for better clues, Jackson decided to follow them home. At the end of the day he raced outside to wait for his targets, but they never came out! The other kids fled the school like pigs at a barbecue, but the herd was not among them. Maybe they were at band practice or a meeting of the Star Trek Fan Society, Jackson guessed, but when it grew dark, he had to accept that they had left without him noticing. As he trudged home in frustration, dodging the dozens of magnetized hubcaps his headgear attracted off of passing cars, he wondered if the herd actually lived in the school. He shook off the idea as silly, but there was certainly something odd about those kids.
After a week without learning much, Jackson caught a lucky break in class. His teacher, Mr. Pfeiffer, was famous for his lesson plans. Instead of earth science or say, grammar, Pfeiffer concentrated on a subject he was well acquainted with— himself. This particular day was no different. While Pfeiffer waxed on about his favorite vacations, Jackson watched the herd. And something extraordinary happened: All five of them sneezed at the same time. At first Jackson didn’t think much of it. After all, nerds were always sneezing. But the sneeze was followed by something peculiar. No sooner had these nerds wiped their noses than bucktoothed Heathcliff marched to the front of the class and said something to Mr. Pfeiffer in a low voice. The teacher seemed almost mesmerized. He nodded enthusiastically, then gave Heathcliff a hall pass. All five of the nerds walked out of class. A moment later, Pfeiffer was back to discussing the benefits of cocoa butter and aloe vera.