'And do try to relax and enjoy yourself in Miami,' I said, looking for a break in the crowd that shuffled past me down the aisle. 'That's the important thing just to relax.'
'I know that.' He nodded gravely. 'I know that. God bless you.' I found my slot and slipped into line. From behind me he added, 'And I won't forget to look up your sister.' My heart sank, but as I moved towards the door I turned to shout a last farewell. The old lady with the eyes was two people in front of me, but she didn't so much as smile.
One trouble with last farewells is that they occasionally prove redundant. Some forty minutes later, having passed like a morsel of food through a series of white plastic tubes, corridors, and customs lines, ! found myself in one of the airport gift shops, whiling away the hour till my niece came to collect me; and there, once again, I saw the missionary.
He did not see me. He was standing before one of the racks of paperbacks - the so-called
'Classics' section, haunt of the public domain - and with a preoccupied air he was glancing up and down the rows, barely pausing long enough to read the titles. Like me, he was obviously just killing time.
For some reason - call it embarrassment, a certain reluctance to spoil what had been a successful goodbye - I refrained from hailing him. Instead, stepping back into the rear aisle, I took refuge behind a rack of gothics, which ! pretended to study while in fact studying him.
Moments later he looked up from the books and ambled over to a bin of cellophane-wrapped records, idly pressing the beard back into place below his right sideburn. Without warning he turned and surveyed the store; I ducked my head towards the gothics and enjoyed a vision normally reserved for the multifaceted eyes of an insect: women, dozens of them, fleeing an equal number of tiny mansions.
At last, with a shrug of his huge shoulders, he began flipping through the albums in the bin, snapping each one forward in an impatient staccato. Soon, the assortment scanned, he moved to the bin on the left and started on that.
Suddenly he gave a little cry, and I saw him shrink back. He stood immobile for a moment, staring down at something in the bin; then he whirled and walked quickly from the store, pushing past a family about to enter.
'Late for his plane,' I said to the astonished salesgirl, and strolled over to the albums. One of them lay faceup in the pile - a jazz record featuring John Coltrane on saxophone. Confused, I turned to look for my erstwhile companion, but he had vanished in the crowd hurrying past the doorway.
Something about the album had apparently set him off; I studied it more carefully. Coltrane stood silhouetted against a tropical sunset, his features obscured, head tilted back, saxophone blaring silently beneath the crimson sky. The pose was dramatic but trite, and I could see in it no special significance: it looked like any other black man with a horn.
New York eclipses all other cities in the spontaneous cordiality and generosity of its inhabitants - at least, such inhabitants as I have encountered. – H.P LOVECRAFT, 9/29/1922
How quickly you changed your mind! You arrived to find a gold Dunsanian city of arches and domes and fantastic spires... or so you told us. Yet when you fled two years later you could see only
'alien hordes.'
What was it that so spoiled the dream? Was it that impossible marriage? Those foreign faces on the subway? Or was it merely the theft of your new summer suit? I believed then, Howard, and I believe it still, that the nightmare was all your own; though you returned to New England like a man re-emerging into sunlight, there was, I assure you, a very good life to be found amid the shade. I remained - and survived.
I almost wish I were back there now, instead of in this ugly little bungalow, with its air conditioner and its rotting wicker furniture and the humid night dripping down its windows.
I almost wish I were back on the steps of the natural history museum where, that momentous August afternoon, I stood perspiring in the shadow of Teddy Roosevelt's horse, watching matrons stroll past Central Park with dogs or children in tow and fanning myself ineffectually with the postcard I'd just received from Maude. I was waiting for my niece to drive by and leave off her son, whom I planned to take round the museum; he'd wanted to see the life-size mockup of the blue whale and, just upstairs, the dinosaurs...
I remember that Ellen and her boy were more than twenty minutes late. I remember too, Howard, that I was thinking of you that afternoon, and with some amusement: much as you disliked New York in the twenties, you'd have reeled in horror at what it's become today. Even from the steps of the museum I could see a curb piled high with refuse and a park whose length you might have walked without once hearing English spoken; dark skins crowded out the white, and mambo music echoed from across the street.
I remember all these things because, as it turned out, this was a special day: the day I saw, for the second time, the black man and his baleful horn.
My niece arrived late, as usual; she had for me the usual apology and the usual argument. 'How can you still live over here?' she asked, depositing Terry on the sidewalk. 'I mean, just look at those people.' She nodded towards a park bench around which blacks and Latins congregated like figures in a group portrait.
'Brooklyn is so much better?' I countered, as tradition dictated. 'Of course,' she said. 'In the Heights, anyway, I don't understand it - why this pathological hatred of moving? You might at least try the East Side. You can certainly afford it.' Terry watched us impassively, lounging against the fender. ! think he sided with me over his mother, but he was too wise to show it.
'Ellen,' I said, 'let's face it. I'm just too old to start hanging around single bars. Over on the East Side they read nothing but best-sellers, and they hate anyone past sixty. I'm better off where I grew up - at least I know where the cheap restaurants are.' It was, in fact, a thorny problem: forced to choose between whites whom I despised and blacks whom I feared, I somehow preferred the fear.
To mollify Ellen I read aloud her mother's postcard. It was the prestamped kind that bore no picture. 'I'm still getting used to the cane,' Maude had written, her penmanship as flawless as when she'd won the school medallion. 'Livia has gone back to Vermont for the summer, so the card games are suspended & I'm hard into Pearl Buck. Your friend Rev. Mortimer dropped by & we had a nice chat. What amusing stories! Thanks again for the subscription to McCall's; I'll send Ellen my old copies. Look forward to seeing you all after the hurricane season.'
Terry was eager to confront the dinosaurs; he was, in fact, getting a little old for me to superintend, and was halfway up the steps before I'd arranged with Ellen where to meet us afterward. With school out the museum was almost as crowded as on weekends, the halls' echo turning shouts and laughter into animal cries. We oriented ourselves on the floor plan in the main lobby - •ov ARE HERE read a large green dot, below which someone had scrawled 'Too bad for you' and trooped towards the Hall of Reptiles, Terry impatiently leading the way. 'I saw that in school.' He pointed towards a redwood diorama. ~hat too' - the Grand Canyon. He was, I believe, about to enter seventh grade, and until now had been little given to talk; he looked younger than the other children.
We passed toucans and marmosets and the new Urban Ecology wing ('concrete and cockroaches,'
sneered Terry), and duly stood before the brontosaurus, something of a disappointment: 'I forgot it was just the skeleton,' he said. Behind us a group of black boys giggled and moved towards us; I hurried' my nephew past the assembled bones and through the most crowded doorway, dedicated, ironically, to Man in Africa. ørhis is the boring part,' said Terry, unmoved by masks and spears. The pace was beginning to tire me. We passed through another doorway - Man in Asia - and moved quickly past the Chinese statuary. 'I saw that in school.' He nodded at a stumpy figure in a glass case, wrapped in ceremonial robos. Something about it was familiar to me, too; I paused to stare at it. The outer robe, slightly tattered, was spun of some shiny green material and displayed tall, twisted-looking trees on one side, a kind of stylized river on the other. Across the front ran five yellow-brown shapes in loincloth and headdress, presumably fleeing towards the robo's frayed edges; behind them stood a larger one, all black. In its mouth was a pendulous horn. The figure was crudely woven - little more than a stick figure, in fact - but it bore an unsettling resemblance, in both pose and proportion, to the one on the album cover.