Kneeling behind him, I ran my hands up his sides, just looking at him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked over his shoulder.
“Nothing, I’ve just…” Never seen you this way. Christ, you’re beautiful, Nathan. I cleared my throat. “Nothing.” Running my hands over his hips, I whispered again, more to myself this time, “Nothing at all.”
With one hand on the small of his back and the other guiding my own cock to him, I pushed against him. He tensed. Took a breath. Held it. I waited, moving my hand gently across his lower back to keep him aware of me, though somehow I doubted he’d have any difficulty remembering I was there.
When he released his breath, the tension in his back and shoulders seemed to melt away, and only then did I press harder against him.
The room spun around me as my cock slid into him, and I held on to his hips, trying to stay in the present. Even with my fingers digging into his hips, my grasp on reality slipped away, my head getting lighter with each stroke I took.
Then I realized that, overwhelmed as I was, I’d forgotten to breathe. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and the spinning slowed, but didn’t stop. I didn’t expect it to. Being inside him felt too damned good not to make me dizzy.
He tensed, his breath catching as I withdrew.
“You sure you’re okay?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, barely whispering. “I’m…” His breath caught again as I pushed back in. “Fuck, don’t-” Another gasp.
I stopped. “What? Don’t-”
“Don’t stop,” he growled, leaning back against me to pull me deeper.
Relief flooded through me, as if I’d expected him to call things to a halt. I wouldn’t have hesitated to stop, but he felt so good, so damned good, I didn’t want to stop.
We moved together, my hips mirroring his forward-and-back motions. I let him guide me, allowing him to find the speed that was most comfortable for him, and that speed was well past slow and gentle. Caution and uncertainty fell by the wayside in favor of desperation and hunger. I slammed into him, harder and faster in response to his pleas and growled demands for more. More than once, my body tried to lose control, but I willed myself to keep going. I couldn’t come yet. Please, God, not yet.
My legs burned with fatigue and, when it became too much, I lost speed. I ran my hands up and down his back as I struggled to catch my breath.
“Fuck,” he moaned. “Oh, fuck, you feel so good.”
“So do you,” I said. “I just had to slow down for a minute. My legs were getting tired.”
“Fine by me,” he said. “I like it like this, too.”
Taking longer strokes now, I rested one hand on the bed beside his and wrapped my other arm around his waist. I’d intended to trail my fingertips down his abs, to tease him just a bit before I stroked his cock, but the quivering beneath my touch fascinated me. When I exhaled against his spine, his abs contracted, and when I kissed the back of his shoulder, they relaxed as he released a shuddering breath.
I flattened my palm across his stomach. Instead of moving down, my hand slid up, toward his chest.
His body shifted slightly, and a second later, his hand was over mine, clasping it gently. In our earlier desperation, we hadn’t bothered to take off the cuffs, and they dangled noisily from his wrist, jingling each time we moved, each time he breathed.
Even though we moved slowly, each stroke was nearly too much, threatening to send me into the stratosphere with the electric pulses that rippled up my spine. My need for release bordered on painful, but this couldn’t be over yet. God only knew when-or if-I’d be able to do this with him again, and I intended to feel, savor and memorize every last stroke.
“Oh, God…” The vibration of his voice beneath my hand sent goose bumps all the way up my arm.
“Like that?” I said through clenched teeth, struggling to stay in control.
He took a breath, started to speak, but only moaned. Finally he managed a nod. A shudder worked its way through him. He was close, he had to be.
I freed my hand from his and slid it down his chest, intending to stroke his cock, but he grabbed my hand. He laced his fingers between mine and held our joined hands against his chest. I could only move from the hips now, but this closeness, this intimacy, overwhelmed me more than the violent, powerful thrusts from just minutes before.
Riding him slowly, holding him close this way, I lost myself in him. I completely and utterly lost myself in him. This wasn’t what I’d expected when I suggested pushing our boundaries with a set of handcuffs and some hard-won surrender. I’d only hoped to give him a chance to see that he could trust me, that I wouldn’t hurt him.
But I was the one surrendering to him. The more I held him and moved inside him, the more I realized just how much I wanted this. Not just the sex. This. Him. My eagerness for his trust, I realized, came from some deep, untapped well of emotions that I wasn’t supposed to feel for him.
Wasn’t supposed to, but did.
I wanted his touch.
I wanted his trust.
I wanted him.
This wasn’t supposed to happen, but damn if I’m going to try to stop it.
“Oh, God,” he groaned, a violent tremor shifting his body beneath mine. “Oh, God, Zach, don’t…”
“I won’t stop,” I said, thrusting a little harder. “I won’t stop unless you tell me to.” I kissed the back of his shoulder blade, and the resulting shiver was as much mine as his.
“Don’t stop,” he whispered. “Fuck, don’t stop, don’t stop…” He groaned again, sounding almost on the verge of tears. Pushing himself against me, he said, “Please don’t stop…” His fingers tightened around mine, keeping my hand against his chest.
“Jesus, Nathan, I love the way you feel right now,” I said, trying to keep my teeth from chattering and my voice from cracking. “You’re close, I can feel it, and it’s-” My voice caught. “It’s fucking incredible.”
“Oh…my…God…” The sound vibrated against my hand beside his heartbeat. “Oh, God, Zach, I’m-” He gasped. Shuddered. “Fuck, I’m-” Another shudder, more violent this time. “Holy fuck-”
I didn’t think it was possible for me to be more turned on than I was in that instant, but when Nathan’s hot semen hit my wrist and forearm, I could take no more. With a deep groan that seemed to come from somewhere else, I managed a few last, desperate thrusts before my voice fell to little more than a whimper and I came.
We both sank to the bed, collapsing under our own weight. After catching my breath for a moment, I managed to push myself up on my arms and get rid of the condom before dropping back onto the bed beside him, completely spent.
His eyes were closed and his hand was over them, as if shielding them from a bright light.
“Jesus,” he said.
I reached for his other hand. “I think you can probably take that off now.” Before he could even lift his hand, I hit the quick release and the cuff opened.
“Can’t believe I forgot I was wearing that,” he laughed, rubbing his wrist gingerly.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
He turned his wrist, probably checking for welts, then shook his head and put his arm around me. “Nope. Not a mark.”
I just smiled, but said nothing.
After a lengthy silence, he sat up, running a hand through his sweaty hair. “I need a cigarette.”
“You’re not using the safe word now, are you?” I laughed.
“No.” He chuckled, leaning down to kiss me. “No, I never even thought of using it. I just really, really need a fucking cigarette now.”
Chapter Thirty-three