How about a back rub, he wanted to say. A Lewinsky maybe. Ha! Never. Not even when they’d first started out and every single time had been such a precious meaningful gift of her beautiful self, back when she at least pretended she liked it. Not often, but if everything was perfect and he was romantic, whatever that meant. Then he might get lucky. Lucky with his wife. Somehow the concept seemed a little skewed.
In the bathroom, there he was in the mirror. He’d aged ten years in five weeks, he thought, although nobody else seemed to have noticed. He moved closer, slapped hard at his cheeks, but couldn’t feel them. Tugged a few times half-heartedly at his penis. Nothing.
They each had their own private boxes – Carrie’s jewelry safe in the floor of her upstairs closet, and Jim’s business safe, in his office where Carrie never went.
He went to it now. Behind the desk he lifted the corner of the Persian rug and pushed down on the two parquet tiles while he simultaneously held the button under the top right drawer. This freed the other six tiles so that he could pull them up.
In another minute he was sitting in his big chair at the big desk. He held the gun – butt and barrel – in both of his hands. After a minute, he turned the cylinder to make it click once, then spun it.
He brought it up to his face. Oil and cordite and something else. The potential to bring instant death. Could you actually smell that?
Closing his eyes, he was just going to feel it there with his senses – smelling, the cold metal, the power of it. A wave of dizziness then.
He leaned into it. With exaggerated slowness, he brought it up and around until no part of the weapon touched him except the end of the barrel, tight up against the center of his forehead.
Abe Glitsky was not having his best evening.
Of all holidays, Hallowe’en was his least favorite. But beyond that, as a cop, he sensed in his bones that this Hallowe’en – tonight – was shaping up to be a disaster. It had the big triple whammy going against it – a beautiful, almost balmy night; a Saturday; and, as an extra added bonus, a full moon.
Scientists might debate whether a full moon had an effect on human behavior, but no policeman ever wondered about it at all. It was an immutable fact, and when the moon was full and the night happened to be Hallowe’en, watch out.
Glitsky had listened to all the news reports about the Pulgas water poisoning, and still was more than half convinced that it had simply been a Hallowe’en trick. That’s the way Hallowe’en was – goofy little pranks involving razor blades and Ex-Lax and strychnine and now, in an exciting wrinkle for the new millenium, gasoline poisoning of the water supply.
So, although he would never be truly prepared for what the night might bring, Glitsky was in ready mode. He knew that every lunatic in the city was going to be in the streets tonight. Before morning he was going to be called on a couple of deaths.
It put him on edge.
That and his son Orel being out among the crazies. And Rita having gone for the weekend. And his judgmental (and right) father snoring on the living-room couch. And the irregular staccato of firecrackers, sometimes sounding enough like gunfire to fool even a veteran lieutenant of homicide.
As soon as Orel had gone into the night without a costume – which made Glitsky wonder why he was going out at all, but you picked your fights – he’d blown out the candle in the front window’s jack-o‘-lantern. Also in the front of the house, he had turned out all the lights, as well as unscrewed the bulb on the stairs to the front door of their duplex. He didn’t want little streams of kids in horror outfits ringing his doorbell all evening.
Now he sat at the kitchen table with a large bag of frosted cookies, a cooling pot of tea, and the box of documents that Sharron Pratt had finally delivered up to his office. His mood was not improving as he read, and got positively ugly when the doorbell, as he knew it would, rang.
He’d let it go. They’d get the message – no candy here – and go away.
They didn’t. The bell rang again.
They were going to wake up his father, that’s what all this ringing was going to do, if it hadn’t already. He pushed away from the table so violently that his chair crashed to the ground behind him. Uncharacteristically, he swore aloud.
Between the chair falling and the swearing, one of them succeeded in waking his father. ‘Abraham. All right in there?’
‘Just getting the door.’
‘So much noise.’
Tell me about it, Abe thought, striding to the blasted door. Whoever it was, he was going to give them an earful. He almost hoped whoever it was would try some cute stuff – break an egg against the door, leave a burning bag of dog-doo for him to stomp out, or any one of the ever-popular Hallowe’en standbys – so he’d have an excuse to chase them down and haul them in downtown.
God, he hated this night.
He flicked on the lights inside the entryway and jerked open the door.
Dismas Hardy was standing there. ‘Trick or treat,’ he said. ‘I think your porch light must be out.’
‘… so I thought since nobody’s home at my house, there’s no reason to go there. And it’s well known you’re the saddest, most pathetic bachelor slash widower on the planet. You had to be home, right? I mean, where else could you be?’
Hardy was rummaging in Glitsky’s cupboard, pulling out the occasional food item, giving it the once over, either replacing it on the shelf or putting it on the counter next to the sink. ‘Anyway, I figure the two of us could hang out here, solve Bree Beaumont, eat some canned food, drink too much. Just have ourselves a good, old-fashioned guys’ night out, except we’d be in. Sound good?’
Nat Glitsky had gone back to sleep on the front-room couch and his snores carried into the kitchen. Abe had pulled one of the chairs around and straddled it backwards. ‘I don’t have any alcohol in the house.’
Hardy pointed a finger, jumped all over him. ‘See? That’s exactly what I mean. Sad, pathetic, negative.’
‘Yeah, well, I don’t drink, as you may have noticed over the past twenty years.’
Hardy was still rummaging. He noticed several California lottery tickets stuck to the front of the refrigerator with magnets. He pulled them off and held them up. ‘You realize that the lottery is the tax for people who aren’t good at math, don’t you? Did you win?’
‘Probably,’ Glitsky said. ‘I usually do. Couple of grand or so every week. I’ll check tomorrow’s paper and let you know.’
Hardy shook his head and went back to the cupboards. ‘OK, but while we’re on this, let me just say that I am appalled to find Spam in your larder.’
This finally got a rise out of Abe. ‘I love Spam. It’s the great unsung food of our time. And PS, you like canned corned beef hash.’
‘That’s because hash has flavor.’
‘Spam does, too. In fact, it has more.’
‘Yeah, but it’s a bad flavor.’
Glitsky shrugged. ‘It’s the number-one snack food in Hawaii.’
‘There’s a strong recommendation. You’re talking the same Hawaii where they actually eat poi? You ever eat poi? I wonder how they feel about Spam in Alaska, where they eat blubber?’
But Glitsky wasn’t to be denied. ‘They make it with seaweed and rice. It’s a sushi dish, called spam musabi or something.’
Hardy turned around in his best announcer’s voice. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, in tonight’s entry on “Bad Food Ideas,” we’re hearing that perennial favorite Spam and – are you ready for this? – seaweed linked as a gourmet treat. We’re waiting for your calls to vote on whether this is, as it appears to be, a… Bad Food Idea.’ He focused on Glitsky. ‘Are you out of your mind?’