“What do you feel like having?” Wei Xiang spoke up, drawing her attention.
“You order. I’ll eat anything,” Ai Ling said, turning back to the sea.
Wei Xiang, in turn, deferred to Cody and Chee Seng when the waiter came around to take their orders for dinner. They picked papaya salad and fried spring rolls for starters; green curry, minced pork with basil leaves and sweet-and-sour tilapia for entreés; and held back on dessert, unsure whether they could finish what they had already ordered. The restaurant was sparsely decorated: a few old-looking tribal masks hung up on the wall, a Chinese scroll of unintelligible scribbling, and a bland painting of an island sunset. Couples and small groups trickled into the restaurant from time to time, and the din of chatter soon filled the room. The sun had submerged halfway into the sea, sending out its last rays of the day.
“Nice little place, great view,” Chee Seng said, taking out his Motorola phone from his pocket to snap a few pictures of the scenery. “You can never take a bad picture with such a view, it’s just impossible.” He previewed the pictures and showed them to Cody.
“Yes, you’re right. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing this,” Ai Ling said, and held Wei Xiang’s hand on the tabletop, giving it a gentle squeeze. She sipped from her glass of water. “See, I made the right choice in picking this place, right?” The guys chorused their approval in unison.
The food soon arrived, and the conversation turned to past relationships.
“You wouldn’t believe the kind of guys Cody dated before,” Ai Ling said. “Some of them were plain creepy.”
“Just one of them,” said Cody. “You make it seem like I dated so many guys, which I didn’t.”
Ai Ling went on: “Remember that one guy, the one who worked in the bank? He locked you out of his place one night when you came home late and refused to let you in, all because you forgot to tell him you would be late. You called me after that, so pissed off, and didn’t know what to do. I had to calm you down.”
“You’re just being overly dramatic with your storytelling. It didn’t happen that way. I just panicked, for no good reason. Okay, enough about him,” Cody said, noticing Chee Seng looking at him.
“You never told me this before,” Chee Seng said.
“There’s nothing to say. It all happened in the past, water under the bridge,” Cody said, and quickly changed the subject. “Wah, so much food left.”
“What I could not understand was why you stayed with him for another two months before you finally broke up with him,” Ai Ling said. “He was such an asshole, so overbearing, possessive and demanding. He bullied you into submission all the time.”
“But you’re seeing it from just one point of view. You don’t know unless you’re in my shoes. It’s hard to understand, even for me. He had a nice side to him, and he treated me well.”
“He pestered you for months after the break-up,” Ai Ling said, unable to stop herself. Cody glared at her, but was silent.
“Hey, why are we talking about all this?” Wei Xiang said.
“Ask your wife. She brought it up first. She always likes to make a big production out of my past,” Cody said.
“But your life is always filled with drama, and anyway, it’s way more exciting than mine. I live vicariously through you, you know that, right?” Ai Ling said, and Cody rolled his eyes.
“Well, you guys seem to be quite stable,” she said, nodding at Chee Seng. “How long have you been together now? Eight, nine years? You guys are doing well.”
“Ten years, come April next year,” Cody said, looking over at Chee Seng.
“You guys are like practically married, anyway. Ten years, that’s long, that’s like a lifetime,” Ai Ling said. The men laughed.
“Yup, and it feels like it, too,” Chee Seng said. Cody punched him lightly on the arm and creased his face into a mock-wounded expression.
“Maybe you should consider, you know, getting married. Maybe move somewhere, like Canada, to get hitched.”
“No lah, don’t be ridiculous. It’s not for us. Remember we are Singaporeans. We are too risk-averse,” Cody said. “I’m happy where we are now, with what we have. What’s the point of getting married, anyway?”
“Don’t you want your commitment to each other to be recognised, in one way or another?”
“In Singapore? Gays getting married and being lawfully recognised? Who are you kidding? You must be joking. It’ll never happen in a hundred years. And what’s the use of getting married overseas, and then coming back with a meaningless certificate that’s worth nothing here?”
A loud crash suddenly erupted from the entrance of the kitchen, where two waiters had collided into each other, sending a tray of empty glasses and a plate of fried chilli fish to the ground. The manager of the restaurant hurried over from the cash register and scolded the waiters loudly, instructing them to clear up the mess with a mop and some wet towels.
“I’m just saying, that’s all,” Ai Ling said. Wei Xiang waved a waiter over to refill the drinks.
“How about you two? How long have you been married now?” Chee Seng asked, taking a sip of water.
“Seven years. We dated for three years before getting married,” Wei Xiang said.
“That’s long too,” Chee Seng said.
“You know how it is with a woman like Ai Ling, the moment she set her eyes on me, she was head over heels in love and pursued me until she got me,” Wei Xiang said with a smirk.
“Says who? You bloody liar,” Ai Ling said, slapping Wei Xiang’s hand. “You’re the one who had to chase after me, okay? I didn’t make any move on you, just for the record.”
“I don’t believe you,” Cody said, grinning. “You were always so daring during university days, soliciting numbers from boys and asking them out.”
“Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side. Don’t badmouth me. When did I ever do that? You must be talking about yourself.” Ai Ling scowled at Cody, who reacted on cue, frowning in shocked amusement. “Cody was the real flirt at university. You would not believe all the things he did, even if I told you.”
“I want to hear,” Chee Seng said.
“Some things are best left in the past. No point dragging them out again,” Cody said, laughing. Under the table, he slipped his hand onto Chee Seng’s thigh, stroking it.
“Okay okay, I let you off this time,” Ai Ling said. “I’m sure everyone has a part of their past that they’re not proud of. God, I know I’ve done so many things in the past that I wish I could forget. Why is it that we always remember so much about this bad stuff, and so little of the good in our lives? It’s almost like we’re punishing ourselves for every single thing that we’ve screwed up.” She turned to stare out at the sea again. The sky had deepened from a deep blue to a deeper purple. She could feel Wei Xiang’s eyes on her.
“Now you’re just being morose,” Cody said. Ai Ling turned to smile at him. The loud cawing of the squabbling seagulls in the distance reached their table.
“But you know what I’m talking about, right? This fixation on the past that all of us have,” Ai Ling said. Around them, the restaurant, now full, bustled with a hum of voices, laughter and the soft soundtrack of Thai pop songs playing over the audio system.
“Shall we order some Singha beer? I’m suddenly in the mood to drink,” Wei Xiang said. “Do you want one?” Ai Ling shook her head without looking at him. Cody and Chee Seng took Wei Xiang up on the suggestion, and Wei Xiang placed the order with the waiter.
When the beer came and they had taken swigs straight from the bottles—Wei Xiang had declined drinking glasses and a bucket of ice—Ai Ling spoke again: “Actually it doesn’t matter how long a couple has been together, to show the kind of love they have. Though of course, the longer you know someone, the more you know about him, what makes him tick, what makes him happy. But is that all we can know about him? How can we claim to know anyone, a lover, a husband or a boyfriend, fully, completely, when there’s always a part that is hidden from us, maybe a side of him that even he is not aware of? Every man is a mystery, to himself, to others.